Punch: Punch (101.1891)

August 8, 1891.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 63

THE CAPLESS MAID.

[" The plaintiff' gave evidence that she was engaged as a sort of
house and parlour-maid . . . and was discharged after she had
been there nine days, because she refused to wear a cap . . .
His Honour: I do not think she was bound to wear a cap."-
Daily Taper.]

What shall we do with our Maid ?
How shall we treat her best ?
Shall the gems that are rare be strewed in her hair ?
And shall she in silks be drest ?
Shall we make her a gift of gold ?
Shall we make her our queen ? Perhaps.
But whatever we make her, wherever we take her,
We never must make her wear caps.

Imperious, capless, supreme,
Do just as you please evermore ;
And wear what you will, for we shall be
And never complain as before.
We may put all our nioney in mines,
We may put all our cheese into traps,
But we put, it is clear, our foot in it, dear,
When we try to put you into caps.

THE DIFFERENCE.

[" It needs no argument to show that in the summer of 1S93
Mr. Gladstone is less likely to take an active part in any
electoral contest than he can be in the spring or autumn of 1892."
—Mr. Edward Dicey, on " The Xext Tarhamenty]

" Time's on our side," said Gladstone. Dicey, too,
Takes Edax Rerum as his friend most true.
Giadstoxe Time's "Hour Glass" trusts; but Dicey's
blithe _

Because his hopes are centred on Time's scythe.
Faith lives in Life, but Fear's most vigorous breath
Lives "in the sure and certain hope"—of Death !

Resignation.

" Fire ! Fire! " Another one

Where? where?"
Shaw's resigned.
Then find

Many gone ?
Fire ! Where ?
Here

MmmV.i'ii'l'l U!il|,!'ll!l,l!IMl!|iM|N!!

A NEW WAY OF PAYING CHURCH DEBTS.

(Vide "Liverpool Daily Post" July 23, 1891.)

The Teuton, no doubt, will look pettish,

The Briton will grumble "a hoax."
Aha .' I can snub a Lord Mayor,

And give shouting Emperors a hint;
I back La Belle France. Her betrayer

My meaning must see, plain as print.
My reply to the great Guildhall grumble

Had less of politeness than pith,
But—well I've no wish so to humble

My friend Mr. Emory Smith,
Or Crawford, the Consul. No thank ye,

L^ersona gratissima, he;
And therefore I yield to the Yankee

The boon I refused to J. B.
But yet, all the same, it is funny

To see Three like us in One Boat.
Columbia looks dulcet as honev,

Miss F.'s every glance is a gloat.
I never imagined Republics

Could have such a " bearing " as these.
Enjoyingly as a bear cub licks

The comb sweetly filled by the bees,
I list to their nattering chatter;

Their voices are pleasant—in praise ;
But—well, though it seems a small matter,

I don't like that dashed "Marseillaise."
And " Lsrael in Egypt" sounds pointed'

I'd Pharaoh the miscreants—but star,
My soliloquy's getting disjointed.

I've promised ! Columbia looks gay,
La Belle France displays a grande pas-
sion ;

My arms they unitedlv press.
One thing though; the Phrygian fashion

Is not my ideal of dress.
They swear that thev both love me dearlv,

Their "best of old Autocrat Chaps!"
They are setting their Caps at me, clearly,

But,—well, 1 don't quite like the Caps'!

UPON A GLOVE.

{After the fashion—more or less—of Her rick.)

On, limp and leathery type of Social Sham,

And Legislative Flam!
"Which cunning Cuxxlxghame and Matthews
cool

(Both prompt to play the fool,
In free-lance fashion or official form)

Prattled of, 'midst a storm
Of crackling laughter, and ironic cheers,
And sniggering, " Hear, hears ! "—
Thou summest well the humbug of our lives.

The fistic " bunch of fives "
Is not like Julia's jeweUed "palm of milk"

Shrouded in kid or silk,
But Julia was a sensuous little " sell,"
And Smith and Pritchard—well,
One would not like a clump upon the bead

From the teak-noddled " Ted,"
Or e'en a straight sockdollager from "Jem ;"

But somehow " bhovs " like them,
Who mill three rounds to an uproarious
"house,"
And only nap " a mouse,"
Though one before the end of the third bout

Is clean "knocked out,"—
Such burly, brawny buffetters for hire,

Who in ten minutes tire,
And clutch the ropes, and turn a Titan back
To shun the impending thwack

Applied to pulpv "Jem" and steely " Ted,"

(Of "slightly swollen" head)
As well as unsophisticated Cobb,

(If Truth were " on the job,")
Might find False Show and Pharisaic
" Stodge,".

And Law-evading dodge,
Dissimulating "Innocence," sham bravery,

Blind Justice, lynx-eyed knavery,
All the material the Satirist loves,

In those same "four-ounce gloves" !

OMITTED FROM PORTRAIT GALLERY
at the royal xaval exhtbitiox.

Portrait of William Hatley, Black-Eye'd
Susan, and Captain Crosstree, R.X.

Portrait of Tom Bowline. Also a picture of
Davy Jones, to be presented by Mr. Frederick
Locker.
A Horse Marine, a.d. 1815.
Portrait of William Taylor, as a gay young
fellow. Also his affianced bride, as '' WiUiam
Carr," after she had " dabbled her lily-white
hands in the nasty pitch and tar."

Picture of somebody, name unknown, in-
quiring of Benjamin Bolt whether or no he
happened to remember "Sweet Alice, sweet
Alice with hair so brown, who wept with
delight when you (B.B.) gave her a smile,
and trembled with fear at your (B.B.'sj
Such " Champions" smack as much of trick ; frown?" The portrait also of the aforesaid

and pelf j Alice, evidently rather a weak-minded young

As venal Julia's self. i person.

Also pictures of "Pol" and "Partner
Joe;" and a likeness of "Black Brandon,'
very rare, in "penny plain " form, or " two-
pence coloured."

Graham may be a " specialist," no doubt,
And " What is a knock-out ? "

May mystify ingenuous Matthews much;
But Truth's Ithuriel touch