Punch: Punch (101.1891)

G6

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[August 8, 1891.

THE HEIGHT OF IMPROPRIETY.

Miss Chrundison, Junior. "There goes Lucy Holroyd, all alone in a Boat with young Snipson as usual! So Imprudent

of them ! "

Her Elder Sister. "Yes ; how shocking if they were Upset and Drowned—without a Chaperon, you know!"

" A LONG DISTANCE SWIM."

[" Our Session began before last year was closed. It has been a Session
full of anxiety, full of fatigue. I am thankful to agree with your Lordship
in thinking that the people of this country will recognise that it has been a
Session of hard and valuable work." — Lord Salisbury at the Mansion House.']

Don't talk about Webb, Finney, Fisher, or Dalton ;

As Long Distance Swimmer our Solly stands first,
His wild watery way never tempted to halt on,

Undaunted by cold as by hunger or thirst.
Nine months in the waves, though, no man may enjoy ;
So he's glad that at last he's in sight of the buoy.

In November last year he first entered the water,

To start on this special, most arduous swim,
It was cold, with the wind in a winterly quarter,
^But winds, like the waves, have small terrors for him.
You remember accounts that the papers then gave
(Here's an extract) concerning this King of the AYave.

"Solly (of Hatfield), and Smlff (who hails from Greenlands),
started yesterday (November 25), for a second attempt—the first
having been a failure—to swim from Tithes Pier to Purchase Point
Buoy. It was an unfavourable time of the year for such an unpre-
cedented feat of natation, but the Hatfield Champion was confident
of success. He is a perfect whale at long-distance immersions, and
has_ been heard to talk of 'twenty years of resolute' swimming
against stream as a comparative trifle. His 'pal and pardner,'
Smiff—more commonly known as the Sanguine Old ' L'n—was
equally confident. Two boats accompanied the Champion, in one of
which was his trusty Pilot, Smiff, and in the other a Party of their
'Mutual Friends.' One thing, indeed, was in the Hatfield man's
favour; his lately cocky and contemptuous competitors had been
'weeded out' by a fortuitous series of adverse circumstances,
including what Solly, in a spirit of cynical but excusable elation,
subsequently called 'that beneficent disease, the Influenza.' The
Irish Contingent, which not long ago looked dangerous, had become
so thoroughly demoralised by mutual hostilities and disputes between
them and their backers, that there was not a single ' Paddy' pre-
pared to enter the water when the signal ' gun' fired for the start.

Solly, therefore, had it all to himself; the performance practically
resolves itself into a trial of his skill and endurance, and the ' Scythe
Bearer' is the only enemy against whom the Great Swimmer has to
measure himself. Indeed, he covered what may be called the first
stage of his long journey with ease, and in an unexpectedly short
time. Nevertheless, it is to be feared that 'later on' he will have to
contend against cold, little or no sun, northerly breezes, &c. ; the
' flowing tide' will assuredly not always be with him, and before he
gets to the end of his briny journey, even the Hatfield Wonder will
probably have ' had enough of it.' "

True prognostication! But skilful natation
Despite some "anxiety" and much "fatigue,"

Has " pulled Solly through" to his "pardner's elation."
Together they've plodded o'er many a league

Of big tumbling billows. See those in the rear!

They were ridden with skill, though regarded with fear.

" The flowing tide" fails him, but side-stroke and breast-stroke

Alternately serve him; fatigued but unhurt,
Like Cesar,"he swims. "Now mate, put on your best stroke ! "

Sings out faithful Smtffy, his pilot. " One spurt,
My Sol ! Two or three more strong strokes and 'tis done ;
Our Long Swim, for the Buoy is at hand, and we 've Avon ! "

Operatic Birds.—M. Maurel can sing but didn't wish to sing in
Mr. Isidore de Tea-la-Lara's new Opera, The Light of Asia.
Where was Tra-la-Lara when The Light of As-ia didn't come out'?
M. Maurel seems to have said, that, if the Opera were produced this
season, he'd be blowed if he sang, and the Opera would probablv be
damned, theatrically and operatically speaking. That 's the Moral
or Maurel of the story. The Light of Asia mustn't be snuffed
out altogether, but it may want trimming a bit, in order to shine as
brightly as Tra-ea-Lara expects it to do next season. There's a
good time coming, and good tunes too, we hope.

Amende Honorable. — In making up the list of outside con-
tributors, Mr Punch's Private Secretary regrets having omitted the
name of John Hollingshead, the friend of the Bloomsburians, and
the determined foe of Mud Salad Market and Monopolisers. "J. H.,"
or, to reverse the initials, " Honest John," will now be satisfied.