Punch: Punch (101.1891)

August 15, 1891.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

81

A LOVER'S COMPLAINT.

(Thoroughly New Style.)

Belinda dear, once on a time

I doted on your every feature,
I wrote you billets doux in rhyme

In which I called you" charming creature."

So lover half
so keen
as I,
Than mine
no ardent
passion
stronger,
So I should
like to tell
you why
I cannot love
v o u any
longer.

When I was
yours and
you were
mine,
Your hair,
I thought,
was most
delightful,
But now,
through
Fashion's
last design,
It looks, to
my taste,
simply
frightful!
Though Avhy
this should
be I don't
know,

For I can think of nothing madder
Than hair decked out in coils that go
To make what seems to be a ladder.

Unhappy day, when first you dressed

Your tresses thus—how you must rue it !
For you yourself, you know, confessed

It took you several hours to do it.
Oh, tell me, is it but a snare

Designed to captivate another,
Or do you merely bind your hair

Because you 're bidden by your mother ?

Again—you will not take it ill—

You are, my dear, distinctly dumpy :

A flowing cape it's certain will
^Well—not become one short and stumpy.

Yet since, although you are not tall,
You wear a cape, you may take my word

That in the mouths of one and all
You have become a very byword.

So this is why my love has fled—

If ever there should come a season
When you shall show some sense instead

Of such an utter lack of reason,
If I should still be fancy free,

Why then it's only right to mention
That, if you care to write to me,

I '11 give your claims my best attention.

A Note. — In Black and White for
August 8 there is a large picture represent-
ing a group of English Dramatists, amongst
whom please specially notice a figure intended
for Mr. W. S. Gilbert (it was thoughtful
and kind of the artist to put the names be-
low), who is apparently explaining to a select
few why he has been compelled to come out in
this strange old coat and these queer collars.
All the Dramatists look as cheerful as mutes
at a funeral, their troubled expression of
countenance probably arising from the know-
ledge that somewhere hidden away is a cer-

" BURYING THE HATCHET."

(Fide Report of the L. C. <b D. Chairman's Sjjcech, " Times," August 6.)

tain 'eminently unbiassed Ibsenitish critic
who has been engaged to do the lot in a lump.
From this exhibition of collective wisdom
turn to p. 203, and observe the single figure of
a cabman, drawn by an artist who certainly
has a Keene appreciation of the style of Mr.
Punch's inimitable " C. K."

A LESSON FROM THE R.N.E.

(For the Use of Sailors proposing to join the
Royal Navy.)

Question. I think you have been to the
Royal Naval Exhibition at Chelsea.

Answer. I have. I was induced to make
the journey by an advertising placard posted
on two official boards outside the Admiralty.

Q. What was your first impression on
reaching the grounds usually open to the
public, but now reserved for commercial
purposes ?

A. That the Public were extremely bene-
volent to permit so
long an infringement
of their right of way
and other privileges.

Q. After you had
entered the Exhibi-
tion, what was your
initial impression ?

A. That a great
number of the exhibits
were not very appro-
priate advertisements.

Q. Did vou see Sea-
men of the Royal Navy
making an exhibi- Boxing the Compass.

tion of themselves in the Arena ?

A. I did; and could not help contrasting
with the feebly-histrionic display the recent
order in Paris forbidding the French soldiers
to take part in theatrical representations.

Q. Was the display of these seamen of the
Royal Navy particularly impressive ?

A. No, and I fancy that some of the audi-
ence who had paid an extra sixpence to see
it from the Grand Stand, were slightly dis-
appointed.

Q. Besides the cutlass and gun drill, did
you see these seamen (wearing Her Majesty's
uniform), take part in any other performance ?

A. I did, and for this, too, an extra six-
pence was charged for the use of the Grand
Stand. They waded about in a sort of tank
or large bath with models of ironclads on
their heads.

Q. So far as you could see was this last
display conducive to the maintenance of
strict discipline ?

A. I should say not, the more especially as
I noticed towards the close of the display that
the men seemed inclined to indulge in larking.

Q. Has this raree show caused you to wish
to enlist in the Royal Navy ?

A. Certainly not. The gun and cutlass
drill before a paving audience reminded me of
The Battle of Waterloo at Astley's.

Q. But would you not like to join the Royal
Navy, so that you might be qualified to per-
form in a tank ?

A. No; for on consideration 1 think if I
wished to do anything in the '' comic water-
tournament line," I could make better terms
with Mr. Sanger than the Lords of the
Admiralty.

QUEER QUERIES.—Popular Prices —
Would any reader inform me what is the
lowest price at which wholesome aerated
waters are sold ? I have been drinking some
" Shadwell Seltzer, special curee," at a penny-
halfpenny the syphon, and I fancy this may
have something to do with my present sym-
ptoms, which include partial paralysis of the
left side, violent spasms, an almost irresistible
tendency to homicide, together with excruci-
ating pain in every part of the body. My
doctor says the lead in the syphons has "per-
meated my system." When I am better, I
intend to prosecute the manufacturer. My
doctor discourages the notion. He says he does
not know if an action would "lie," but he is
sure the manufacturer would!—Teetotaller.

Helvetian Sixth - Century Motto.-
' TeW est La Vie! "—en Suisse.