Punch: Punch (101.1891)

September 5, 1891.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

113

to the same hotel. [To himself.) Confound that fellow Podbery,
here he is again !

Podb. {to himself, as he advances). If she's carrying1 on "with that
fellow, Celchard, to provoke me, I '11 soon show her how little I—
[Aloud.) I say, old man, hope I'm not interrupting you, but I just
"want to speak to you for a minute, if Miss Trotter will excuse us.
Is there any particular point in going- as far as Bingen to-night, eh ?

Culch. [resignedly). As much as there is in not going farther than
somewhere else, I should have thought.

Podb. Well, but look here—why not stop at Bacharach, and see
what sort of a place it is ?

Culch. You forget that our time is limited if we 're going to stick
to our original route.

Podb. Yes, of course ; mustn't waste any on the Rhine. Suppose
we push on to Maintz to-night, and get the Rhine off our hands
then ? (With a glance at Miss Trotter.) The sooner I've done
with this steamer business the better!

Miss T. Well, Mr. Podbery, that's not a vurry complimentary re-
mark to make before me !

Podb. We've seen so little of one another lately that it can hardly
make much difference—to either of us—can it?

Miss T. Now I call that real kind, you 're consoling me in advance!

The Steward [coining up). De dickets dat I haf nod yed seen!
examining Celchard's coupons). For Bingen—so?

Culch. I am. This gentleman gets off—is it Bacharach or Maintz,
Podbery?

Podb. (sulkily). Neither, as it happens. I'm for Bingen, too, as
you won't go anywhere else. Though you did say when we started,
that the advantage of travelling like this was that we could go on or
stop just as the fancy took us !

Culch. [calmly). I did, my dear Podbery. But it never occurred
to me that the fancy would take you to get tired of a place before
you got there !

Podb. [as he icalks foricards). Hang that fellow ! I know I shall
punch his head some day. And She didn't seem to care whether I
stayed or not. [Hopefully.) But you never can tell with women!
[He returns to his camp-stool and the letter-reading Old Ladies.

A SONG IN SEASON.

'Twas the autumn time, dear love,
The English autumn weather ;

And, oh, it was sweet, it was hard to beat
As we sailed that day together !
It was cold when we started out,
As we noted with sad surprise ;

And the tip of your nose was as blue, I suppose,
As the blue of your dear, dear eyes.

We sailed to Hampton Court,
And the sun had burnt us black ;

Then we dodged a shower for the half of an hour,
And then we skated back ;
Till the weather grew depressed
At the shifting state of its luck,

And the glass, set fair, gave it up in despair,
And much of the lightning struck.

We sat on the bank in the storm,

In the steady fall of the snow,
In the stinging hail and the howling gale,

And the scorching sun, you know ;

We sat in it all—yes, all!

We cared for no kind of weather—
What made us so mad was the fact that we had

The whole of the kinds together.

ROBERTS FUTURE.

My kind Amerrycain aquaintance—I musn't call him frend tho'
he is so werry free and social with me, for I hopes I knos my
propper place—has giwen me a long acount of his week at Brighton.
It seems as he was in grate luck, for it was Brighton Race Week,
and he is good enuff to say that, whatever diffrent opinyons the men
of other countries may find in regard to the warious customs and
manners of our grate but rayther rum nashun, they all agrees,
with one acord, that a English race-course is the prettvest and
nicest thing of the sort that the hole world can show. 1 rayther
thinks as he dropt his money there, but it couldn't have bin werrv
much, for it didn't have the least effeck on his good temper. It
seems as he got interdooced to some sillybrated pusson who rites in
papers and seemed to kno everythink, but wot he wanted to kno was
if I coud tell him wdtat caused his werry bad indijeshun, to which I
at once replied, without a moment's hesitashun, that it was prob-

berbly owing to his being, wich he told me he was, a sort of relashun
of a real Common Councilman of the Grand old Citty of London ! at
which he larfed quite hardly,and said, "Bravo, Mr. Robert, that's
one to you ! ''

He arterwards arsked me for the werry best place to go to, where
he coud have jest about a few hours quiet refleckshun all to hisself
without not nothink to disturb him ; so I sent him to Marlowr,
gentlemanly Marlowr, if you please, with a letter to my old friend
Bill the Fisherman, and there, he told me arterwards, he had sich
a luvly day of it as he never rememberd having afore. He sat

for fours ours in a luvly Punt, in a bewtifool drizzlin rain, with lots
of fish a biting away, but he was much too much engaged to pay the
least atenshun to 'em, and there wasn't not noboddy to bother him ;
so he sat there, and thort out about the most himportentest ewent of
his life ; and when I waited upon him at the " Grand Hotel" arter-
wards, I don't think as I ewer seed a reel Gent, as he suttenly is, in
such jolly good sperrits. So, seeing how werry successfool I had
been, I wentured to say to him,—" And now, Sir, if you wants to
see gentlemanlv Marlow in quite another aspic, and one that
estonishes and delites all as sees it, just take the 9'45 train from
Paddington next Sunday, and, drectly you gets there, go at wunce
to the Lock, and there, for ours and ours you will see sitch a sight
of most ravishing bewty, combined with helegance and hart, as praps
no other spot in all the hole world can showr! Why, Sir," I said,
" every time as the full Lock opens its yawning gates, at the com-
mand of one of the principel hofheers of the Terns Conserwancy,
you will think of the Gates of Parrydice a hopening for a excurshun
of hundreds of the most bewilfoollest Angels as generally lives
there ! " " Why, Mr. Robert," savs the Amerrycain, " your hen-
thusiasm xcites my curosity, and I '11 suttenly go, and," he
added, wdth almost a blushing smile, "I rayther thinks as I'll take
a companion with me."

And off he went on the follei'ing Sunday, and didn't git back
till seven o'clock to dinner, and his fust words to me was,—
"Mr. Robert, you didn't in the least xagerate the bewty of the
scene as you sent me for to see—it was as strange and as lovely as a
Faery Tail! I wasn't at all surprised to see what Swells there was
among 'em, and what werry particklar attentions they paid to 'em,
cos I reklek how My Lord Rangdelf Cherchlll sleeted that par-
ticklar spot, on henny particklar fine Sunday, to seek that werry
welcome and much wanted change from his sewere Parlementary
dooties, as he used wen he were ere among us to rekquire, for I
guess as there ain't sitch a sight to be seen not nowheres else so
well calklated to brighten a pore feller up who's jest about done
up with reel hard work." I didn't quite understand what made
my Amerrycain smile quite so slily as he finished his rayther long
speech, but he most certenly did, and then set to work at his dinner.

He arterwrards told me as how as he means to pay a wisit, when
the season begins, to our new Hotel at Monty Carlo, sumwheres in
France, and try his new system at the Tables, and if he suckseeds,
as he knows he shall, he wiR, praps, sum day tell me his secret,
and then I shall have to ask my gentlemanly Manager here to let
me have a few weeks there, and then I shan't want to do any more
waiting! What a prospeck ! Robert.