Punch: Punch (101.1891)

September 5, 1891.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

117

THE COQUETTE OF THE PERIOD.

You vowed you loved me, but your eyes

Said just the same to dozens,
The music of your low replies,

Was heard by several cousins.
Forgive me if I could not cope,

With charms so comprehensive ;
And scarce believed a love whose scope,

Was really too extensive.

The fashion of the age you'll say,

But I've a predilection
For girls who in the olden way

Retain one man's affection.
I on favoured me with witching smiles,

You gave me frequent dances ;
But other men that I wished miles

Away, enjoyed your glances.

Man loves as men loved in old times,

And as in legends hoary,
We celebrate a maid in rhymes,

Is that too old a story ?
But still man loves one girl alone,

And flies when he discovers—
That she he thought was all his own,

Has half a dozen lovers.

You sighed and said that you felt hurt,

And prettily you pouted,
When anybody called you flirt,

A fact I never doubted.
And yet such wheedling ways you had,

Man yielded willy-nilly;
And half your swains were nearly mad,

And all of us were silly.

Youth's first illusions fly apace,

And now one man confesses
He scarcely can recal your face,

Or colour of your dresses.
And whether you were false or true,

Or what fate followed after,
Remembrance only keeps of you

The echo of your laughter."

Proverbial Prater for a Pauper
hatixg Bumble.—Give me neither povert
nor Ritehies!

A CREDITABLE INCIDENT IN
THE NEXT WAR.

(An Advance Sheet from Mr. Punch?8 Prophetic
History of Europe.)

[" Italy is bound to maintain abroad the appear-
ance of a great and rich country, while at home
she ought to conduct herself as if ki straitened
circumstances."—Daily Paper.]

The Italian Army had been completely
victorious. There was but one drawback to
the entire satisfaction of the Commander-in-
Chief—one of his favourite Generals was
under arrest, and was being tried by court-
martial. The accused had refused the assist-
ance of Counsel, and had insisted upon
pleading " Guilty."

"But," urged the Commander-in-Chief,
"you surely nave some excuse. To sack a
private house belonging to your own country-
man was unpardonable. It was an aimless
piece of Yandalism ! For your own reputa-
tion—for the sake of your ancestors — on
behalf of your descendants—some explana-
tion should be afforded."

" Surely this is no time for levity," mur-
mured a Warrior-Journalist, who was sus-
pected of combining with the duties of a hero
the labours of a Special Correspondent for a
Roman journal.

"Do I look like a jester?" asked the
Prisoner; and then he added, '' My brave
companions, it is for the honour of our
country—to conceal her poverty from the
sneers of foreigners—that I carry with me
the secret of my action to the family vault.
Press me no further—see, I am ready for the
firing-party ! "

There was nothing further to be said, and
the little procession made its way to the
Barrack Square. The Prisoner shook hands
warmly with his Judges, and with the
weeping soldiery who were to act as his
executioners. "I wiU give the words of
command myself. Ready—present-"

"Stop!"

An aged man had approached the group.
He was out of breath with running. The
firing-party paused, and lowered their rifles.

"Do not listen to him!" shouted the
Accused. "And if he wiU not desist, shoot
him too—shoot us both."

" You exceed your duties, Sirrah," said the
Commander-in-Chief, with some severity—
for discipline was strict in the Italian Army.
" It is for me to command, not you! " The
Prisoner lowered his head at the just reproof,
and then his superior officer continued," Why
do you ask us to desist ? "

"Because the Prisoner is innocent. He
acted from the best of motives. I was the
proprietor of the shop he sacked, and I (for,
after all, I am a patriot) demand his pardon ! "

"You!" exclaimed the Commander-in-
Chief. " Surely you ought to be the last to
urge such a plea. We do not know what
your shop contained, but presume that the
contents was your property."

"You are right in the presumption,"
acquiesced the aged man; " but these docu-
ments will show that he was right, from a
military point of view, to sack my shop."

The Commander-in-Chief hastily glanced
at the papers, and with a thrill of pleasure,
ordered his favourite General to be released.

"This mystery must never be revealed,"
he murmured. And it never would, had not
the hero-journalist printed the story. Thus
it was that the tale became international
property. Now it is known aU the world
over that the General sacked a shop to obtain
the arms and accoutrements of the Italian
Army. But it is still (comparatively) a
secret that the proprietor of the establish-
ment carried on on the premises the business
of a pawnbroker !

COMPULSORY GREEK;

Or, Byrox up to Date.
(A British Boys View on a Burning Question.)

Compulsory Greek! Compulsory Greek !

Though "burning Sappho loved and sung,"
Why in Greek shackles should they seek

To bind the British schoolboy's tongue ?
Eternal bores, that Attic set, [yet.
But, heaven be thanked, we '11" chuck " them

" The Scian and the Teian Muse "

Ruled us as tyrants absolute ;
Now even pedagogues refuse

To stodge lis with such stale old fruit.
Why should the STAXLEY-dowered West
Make the Anabasis a test ?

They teach us about Marathon,

But what is Marathon to me ?
Tell me of tights still going on,

Men "rightly struggling to be free ; "
Nay, / find interest much more brave in
The null 'twixt Thingummy and Slayix.

Oh, feed me not on mythic lore,
But Science and the modern Fact,

Teach me Electric Fires to store,
The difference 'twixt " Bill" and " Act."

Why should a Cockney care a " cuss "

For Homer or for yEscifYLUS ?

For who are they ? But what art thou,
My Country ? On thy fertile shore

The heroic lyre is tuneless now;
To scheme for dividends, dig for ore,

These are the things we hold divine,

Not Homer's long-resounding line.

If you would make a splendid name

Amidst a lucre-loving race,
You must be in god Mammon's game,

And hustle for a foremost place.
What do we want with poets here ?
For Greece a snub, for Greek a sneer !

Must ice still pore o'er classic text
Because our simple fathers said

It made " a gentleman " ? What next ?
Let the dead languages stay dead !

Hooray for Fact and Rule of Three !

Compulsory Greek is fiddle-de-dee.

Place me on Stock Exchange s steep
With nought to do but sell and buy

To Bull and Bear we need not keep
Our classics up ; that's all my eye.

Ho ! for the Factory, Mart, and Mine

The toils of Greek our souls decline.