Punch: Punch (101.1891)

September 12, 1891.]

PUNCH, OK THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

125

this trip. Father, if we 're going- to see about checking the baggage
through, we _'d better go down to the depot right now. [They pass on.

Gulch, {with a very blank face and a feeble whistle). Few-fitty-

fitty-fitty-fa-di-fee-fee-foo; few- After all, Podbury, I don't

know that I care so much about Nuremberg. They—they say it's a
good deal changed from what it was.

Podb. So are you, old chap, if it comes to that. Tiddledy-iddlety-
ido-lumpty-doodle-oo ! Is it to be Constance after all, then ?

Culch. {reddening). Er—I rather thought of the Engadine—more
bracing, eh ?—f ew-f eedle-eedle-oodle-

Podb. You artful old whistling oyster, I see what you 're up to !
But it's no go ; she don't want either of us Engadining about after
her. It's Charley Van Stickinthemud's turn now! We've got
to go to Nuremberg. You can't get out of it, after gassing so much
about the place. When you've once decided, you know, it.'s final!

Culch. {with dignity). I am not aware that I wanted to get out of

it. I merely proposed in your- (Podbury suddenly explodes.)

What are you cackling at now f

Podb. {wiping his eyes). It 's the last laugh, old man,—and it's
the best!

[Culchard trails array rapidly, leaving Podbury in solitary
enjoyment of the joke. Podbury's mirth immediately sub-
sides into gravity, and he kicks several unoffending chairs
with quite uncalled-for brutality.

11

KNOT'MCAL STORY OF DRURY LANE.

{Told hj our aged Salt, with a, taste for the Dibdin Drama.)

What, not remember it! Not the scene on Wapping Old Stairs
and Mr. Charles Glenney in the Merchant Service, and Miss
Mill ward the Ward of Count Gurney Delaunay! Not remem-
ber all that ! Not recollect the pretty set with the River, the boat-
house, and the figure-heads ! Ah, tell it to the Marines ! Not that
they would believe you ! I remember it, and a good deal more.
Now it came about in this way. You see Miss Millward thought
that Lieutenant Charles Warner, R.N.—"her sweetheart as a
boy "—was dead, and, like a sensible young lady, made arrange-
ments to marry his foster-brother, meaning Glenney. This she
would have done most comfortably, had not the Count and a Boat-
builder, one Julian Cross
Pennycad, objected. But after
all, their opposition wouldn't
have come to much hadn't
Lieutenant Charles Warner,
R.N., taken it into his head to
turn up from the Centre of
Africa, or the Cannibal Islands,
or somewhere. On second
thoughts I don't think it could
have been the Cannibal
Islands, because there they
would have certainly eaten
him—he looked so plump, and
in such excellent condition.
Well, Lieutenant Warner,
R.N., finding that Miss Mill-
ward was on the eve of marry-
ing Mr. Glenney, most nobly
made room for his foster-
brother, and hurried back to
sea. But as luck (and Mr.
Henry Pettit) would have it,
just as the lady and gentleman
were on their way to Stepney
Old Church to be spliced, who
should turn up in a uniform

" A Sailor Knot"- not a Sailor. *hat showed him to be a fine

ngureot a man but Lieutenant
Warner, R.N., himself—with the Press Gang. It turned out that
Lieutenant Warner's ship was very under-manned, and that he
had been ordered by his Captain to get all the sailors he could on
board H.M.S. Dauntless—a vessel, by the way, that afterwards
proved to be the very image of the Victory. And here came a
complication. Through the treachery of Julian Cross Pennycad,
Lieutenant Warner seized Mr. Glenney just as he and Miss Mill-
ward were entering Stepney Old Church. Says Mr. Glenney
to Lieutenant Warner, " What, taking me, because you are
jealous of me, on my wedding-day! You ought to be ashamed
of yourself! " or words to that effect. Says Lieutenant Warner,
R.N., to Mr. Glenney, "Nothing of the sort. For the man who
would betray another, save in the way of kindness, on his bridal morn,
is unworthy of the name of a British sailor," or words to that effect.
Then Miss Millward chimed in, and thus touched the heart of
Lieutenant Warner, R.N., so deeply that he ordered Mr. Glenney's
immediate release. "I forget my duty," explained the generous

Warner. "But I don't," put in his superior officer, Captain
William Lugo Yeenon, "and I order that man to be carried on
board! " and there was not a dry eye amongst those present, except,
perhaps, amongst the heartless " Press Gang," who, having to write
notices for the daily and weekly papers, were naturally eager to see
what "In the Fo'castle " and "The Deck of the Dauntless" were
like. And these they did see in the next Act of this really capital
Drama. And here came in a scene that will long be remembered to
the honour of the British Navy and the National and Royal Theatre,
Drury Lane. There came a mutiny, with the misguided Glenney
at the head of it. Said Captain William Lugg Vernon, after it
was quelled, "We can't spare a man, and so I shall have Mr.
Glenney flogged." " Don't do that," cried Lieutenant Warner ;
"he is my brother and my friend, although he has given me a
oner, owing to a misunderstanding. Captain, may I appeal to these
men, and ask them in stirring language, to fight the foe." "You
shall," replied his superior officer ; and, by arrangement with Mr.
Henry Pettit, I will see that ' Pule Britannia' is played softly
by an efficient orchestra while you are speaking to them." "A
thousand thanks! " cried the eloquent Warner ; and then he let
them have it. He told them that the enemy were waiting for them
—that they had left Brest for the purpose of engaging in a first-class
naval engagement. He pointed out that the other ships of the Fleet
were on their way to the scrimmage. Would the gallant Dauntless
be the only laggard?" "No!" shouted the now-amenable-to-
naval-discipline Glenney, and with the rest of the malcontents, he
asked to be led to glory. It was indeed stirring to see the red-coats
waving their hats on the tops of their bayonets, and the Blue
Jackets brandishing their swords. In the enthusiasm of the

Losing their heads on board the Dauntless.
moment, the entire ship's company seemed to have lost their heads,
and cheers came from the deck, and the auditorium equally. It was
a moment of triumph for everyone concerned! Everyone ! And
need I say anything more ? Need I tell you how it came right in
the end ? How Miss Millward (who was always on the eve of being
married to someone) did actually go through a civil ceremony (the
French were polite even in the days before Waterloo) with the Count,
which, however, failed to count (as an old wag, with a taste for
ancient jests, observed to a brother droll), because the Gallic noble-
man got killed immediately after the ceremony ? Need I hint that
Mr. Glenney was falsely accused of murder, to be rescued at the
right moment by the ever-useful and forgiving Warner ? Need I
say that Mr. Henry Pettitt was cheered to the echo for his
piece, and Sir Augustus Druriolanus for his stage management ?
No, for other chronicles have given the news already ; and_ it is also
superfluous to describe the fun of those excellent comedians, Mr.
Harry Nicholls and Miss Fanny Brough. All I can say is, if you
want to see a good piece, well mounted, and capitally acted all
round, why go to Old Drury, and you will agree with me (and the
old wag with a taste for ancient jests) that Sir August-us might add
September, October, November, and December to his signature, as
A /Sailor's Knot seems likely to remain tied to the Knightly
Boards until it is time to produce the Christmas Pantomime. So
heave away, my hearties, and good luck to you !

Songs for the Pro, and Con. Theosophical Controversialists.
—" All round Mahatmas," ''He's a jolly good Chela ! " " Row,
Brothers, Row ! " and " Why did my ; Masters' sell me f "