Punch: Punch (101.1891)

September 26, 1891.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

147

Scexe—The Conversations-Saal at the
Wurtemburger-Hof. Evening. Pod-
bury at the piano; Bob Prexder-
gast and his sister Hypatia seated
near him.

Podb. (chanting dolefully)—

Now then, this party as what came from
Fla-an-ders,
What had the com-plex-i-on rich and
rare,

He went and took and caught the yeller ja-
aun-ders—
And his complexion isn't what it were !

Mr, and Miss Prendergast [joining
sympathetically in chorus). And his
complexion isn't what it were !
\_There is a faint knock at the door,
and Ccxchard enters with a volume
under his arm. None of the three
observes him, and he stands and listens
stiffly as Podbbby continues,—■

Well, next this party as what came from
Fla-an-ders,

"Whose complex-shun was formi-ally rare,
Eloped to Injia with Eliza Sa-aux-dbrs,

As lived close by in Canonbury Square.

Culch. (advances to piano and touches
Podbuby's arm with the air of his better
angel). Er—I have brought you the
philosophical work I mentioned. I will
leave it for an occasion when you are
■—er—in a litter frame of mind for its
perusal.

Podb. Oh, beg pardon, didn't see
you, old fellow. Awfully obliged ; jam
it down anywhere, and (ichispering) I
say, I want to introduce you to-

Culch. (in a tone of emphatic disap-

?roved). You must really excuse me, as
fear I should be scarcely a congenial
spirit in such a party. So good night
—or, rather—er—good-bye.

[lie withdraivs.
Miss Hypatia P. (just as C. is about
to close the door). Please don't stop, Mr.
Podbury, that song is quite too de-
liriously inane !

[CuBCHARD turns as he hears the voice,
and—too late—recogniseshis Athcneof
that afternoon. He retires in confu-
sion, and, as he passes under the win-
dow, hears Podbury sing the final
verse.

The moral is—No w~ you come from
Fla-an-ders,
If you should have complexions rich and
rare ;

And don't you go and catch the yaller
ja-aun-ders,
Nor yet know girls in Canonbury Square !

3Iiss Hypatia P. (in a clear soprano).
Isor yet know girls in Canonbury
Square!"

[Cclcharb passes on, crushed.

THE STERNER SEX

"Hullo, Gerty ! You've got Fred's Hat ox, axd
his Cover Coat ? "

"Yes. Don't you like it?"

" well— it makes you look like a youxg max,
you know, and that 's so effeminate ! "

Doggerel by a " Disher."

[On September 1 the Free Education Act
came into force throughout England and
Wales.]

Remembeb, remember

The first of September
And Free Education's sly plot;

I know no reasons

Why cancelling fees on
The poor should not silence Pad rot!

A Note axd Queby.—At the en-
thronement of Dr. Maclagax as Arch-
bishop of York '' the band of the First
Royal Dragoons," says the Daily
Graphic, "played an appropriate
march." That the band of the Royal
Dragoons should symbolically and
cymballically represent the Church
Militant is right enough ; but what is
"a march appropriate" to an Arch-
bishop ? One of Bishop's glees would
have been more suitable to the occasion.
Henceforth Dr. Maclagax can say, if
he likes, "I'm ^4rcA-bishop of Can-
terbury ! "

The Great Loax Laxd."—Russia.

THE GROUSE THAT JACK SHOT.

(A Solemn Tragedy of the Shooting Season.)
This is the Grouse that Jack shot.

This is the friend who expected the Grouse that Jack shot.
This is the label addressed to the friend who expected the Grouse
that Jack shot.

This is the Babel where lost was the label addressed to the friend, &c.

This is the porter who " found " the " birds " in the Babel where lost
_ was the label, &c.

This is the dame with the crumpled hat, wife of the porter who
_ "found" the "birds," &c.

This is the cooking-wench florid and fat of the dame with the
crumpled hat, &c.

This is the table where diners sat, served by the cooking-maid florid
and fat of the dame with the crumpled hat, &c.

This is the gourmand all forlorn, who dreamed of the table where
diners sat, served by the cooking-wench florid and fat, &c.

This is the postman who knocked in the morn awaking the gourmand
all forlorn from his dream of the table, &c.

And this is Jack (with a face of scorn), thinking in wrath of
" directions " torn from the parcel by Railway borne, announced
by the postman who knocked in the morn, awaking the gourmand
all forlorn, who dreamed of the table where diners sat, served by
the cooking-wench florid and fat of the dame with the crumpled
hat, wife of the porter who " found" the " birds",.in the Babel
where lost was the label addressed to the friend who expected
the Grouse that Jack shot!

Moral.

If in the Shooting Season you some brace of birds would send
(As per letter duly posted) to a fond expectant friend,
Pray remember that a railway is the genuine modern Babel,
And be very very careful how you fasten on the label!

A MUSICAL SUGGESTION.

(Certainly New and Original.)

Why doesn't one of our talented composers—Sir Arthur, or Mr.
Mackexzie, or Mr. Staxford, or Mr. Edward Solomox—write a
Cantata, entitled The Weather? The subject is thoroughly English,
and lends itself so evidently to much variety in treatment. The
title should be, The Weather ; a Meteorological Cantata.

It should commence with a hopeful movement, indicative of the
views of various people interested in the weather as to future pro-
babilities. The sportsman, the agriculturist, the holiday-maker,
likewise the livery-stable keeper, and the umbrella manufacturer
would, cum multis aliis, be all represented ; Songs without Words;
the Sailor's Hope ; then wind instruments ; solo violin ; the Maiden's
Prayer for her Sailor-love's Safety, &c. Then " as the arrows" (on
the Times chart) "fly with the wind," so would the piccolo, followed by
the trombone, and thus the approach of the storm would be indicated.
Roll on drum, distant thunder; the storm passes off, and we have a
beautiful air (the composer's best), which delights and reassures us.

AR at once, "disturbances advance from the Atlantic;" grand
effect, this !

Sudden Fall of Barometer! (This would be something startling on
drum and cymbals, with, on 'cello, a broken chord.) Momentary relief
of a " light and fresh breeze " (hornpipe), interrupted by showers from
the West and winds from the North ; then strong wind from East
(something Turkish here); light breeze from Scotland (Highland
Fling); Anticyclonic movement; "Depression" on the hautbois;
increase of wind; then thunder, lightning, rain—aR the elements at
it! Grand effect!! Crash!!! and ... for finale, calm sea, sun
shining, joyful chorus, Harvest Home, weddings, &c, &c., &c.

I've nothing more to say. Surely this outline is sufficient. Only
if any Composer does make use of this idea, and become famous
thereby, let him not be ungrateful to the suggester of this brilliant
notion (copyright), whose name and address may be had for the
asking at the Fleet Street Office.