Punch: Punch (101.1891)

192

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [October 17, 1891.

ANNALS OP A WATEBING-PLACE

THAT HAS " SEEN ITS DAY."

The weather "which, in Mr. Dunstable's varied experience of
five-and-twenty years, he assures me, has never been so bad, having
at length afforded some indications of "breaking1," I make the
acquaintance, through Mrs. Cobbleb, of Mr. Wistebwhistle, the
Proprietor of the one Bath-chair available for the invalid of
Torsington-on-Sea, who, like myself, stands in need of the salubrious
air of that health-giving resort, but who is ordered by his medical
adviser to secure it with the least possible expenditure of physical
strength.

Both Mr. WlSTKJiWhistle and his chair are peculiar in their
respective ways, and each has a decided history. Mr. Wisteb-
whistle, growing confidential over his antecedents, says, " You see,

Sir, I wasn't brought up to the
Bath-chair business, so to speak,
for I began in the Royal Navy,
under His Majesty King William
the Foubth. Then I took to the
Csast-Guard business, andhavin

market," — Mr. Wistebwhistle
always referred to his Bath-chair
as " she," evidently regarding it
from the nautical stand-point as
of the feminine gender,—" and
knowing, saving your presence.
Sir, that old Bloxeb, of whom I
bought her, had such a good crop
of cripples the last season or two,
that he often touched two-and-
forty shillings a-week with 'em, I
dropped Her Majesty's Service,
and took to this 'ere. But, Lor,
Sir, the business ain't wot it wos.
Things is changed woeful at Tor-
sington since I took her up. Then
from 9 o'clock, as you might say,
to 6 p.m., every hour was took up ;
and, mind you, by real downright
'aristocracy,' — real live noble-
men, with gout on 'em, as thought
nothink of a two hours' stretch,
and didn't 'aggie, savin' your pre-
sence, over a extra sixpence for
the j ob either way. Blit, bless you,
wot's it come to now ? Why, she
might as well lay up in a dry dock arf the week, for wot's come of
the downright genuine invalid, savin' your presence, blow'd if I
knows. One can see, of course, Sir, in arf a jiffy, as you is touched
in the legs with the rheumatics, or summa't like it; but besides
yoii and a old gent on crutches from Portland Buildings, there
ain't no real invalid public 'ere at all, and one can't expect
to make a livin' out of you two; for if you mean to do the
thing ever so 'ansome, it ain't reasonable ti expect you and the
old gent I was a referring to, to stand seven hours a day goin' up
and down the Esplanade between you, and you see even that at a bob
an hour ain't no great shakes when you come to pay for 'ousing her
and keepin' her lookin' spic and span, with all her brass knobs a
shining and her leather apron fresh polished with patent carriage
blackin' : and Lor, Sir, you'd not b'lieve me if I was to tell you
what a deal of show some parties expects for their one bob an hour.
Why, it was only the other day that Lady Gllmpley (a old party

with a front of black curls and yal-
ler bows in her bonnet, as I dare say
you 've noticed me a haulin' Tip and
down the Parade when the band's
a playin'), says to me, says she, 'It
ain't so much the easy goin' of your
chair, Mr. Wisteewhistle, asmakes
me patronise it. as its general genteel
appearance. For there's many a
chair at Brighton that can't hold a
candle to it!' " But at this point
he was interrupted by the appear-
ance of a dense crowd that hali filled
the street, and drew up in silent
expectation opposite my front door.
Dear me, I had quite forgotten I
had sent for him. But the boy
who cleans the boots and knives has
returned, and brought with him
the One Police?)!an !

A SOLILOQUY.

{At the close oj the German Exhibition.)

THE BOY THE EATHEft OF THE MAN.

{A Chapter *rom a Sea Story of the future.)

" Lash the lubber to the top-gallant yard and give him five
hundred with the cat o' ninetails ! " shouted the pirate Captain, blue
with passion.

There was a murmur amongst his crew. Because their messmate
had forgotten to touch his cap, it seemed hard to their poor un-
tutored minds he should receive so heavy a punishment.

" What, mutiny ! " cried the ruffian skipper, " here take this and
this and this ! " and he distributed the contents of his revolver
amongst the sailors aft.

In the meanwhile, the poor wretch was hanging to the topgallant
yard, expecting every moment to be his last.

" A sail, Sir," said the boatswain, saluting, as he mounted to the
quarter-deck.

"Get ready the torpedoes, and serve out per man a hundred-
weight of smokeless powder cartridges. We shall have rough work."
Then he added, " By the way, what is the time ? "

" About half-past two, Sir," returned the other, and then, as his
Captain made an unsuccessful grab, he muttered, " No you don't! "
The ship in pursuit came on apace, and soon the two vessels were
put by a matter of thirty pound j yard-arm to yard-arm engaged in mortal combat. For a while the
odd, and hearing ' she' was in the j confusion was so great that it was impossible to say what would be

the upshot. But a fortunate torpedo sent the pirate craft to the
bottom, and of all her crew, only the skipper survived. He was
brought (loaded with chains) before his conqueror.

" AVell, you scoundrel," said the British Captain, " have you any-
thing to urge in your defence before we prepare you for your
execution ? "

" What would be the good ? " was the sulky replv. " I know my
fate."

"That voice, those husky tones," exclaimed the epauletted
representative of the English Admiralty; '' surely I know them.
They bring back painful recollections. Show your face, Sirrah ! "

"'Why should I?" que-
ried the conquered Chief.
"It won't do me any good! "

But at a gesture of the
British Captain, his prisoner
wras seized, and his face
forciblv washed.

"What, Billy Tomp-
kins ! ' ' murmured the
Briton, "and we meet
again like this ! "

"Yes," answered the
other, "and it can't be
helped. Y*ou have your
duty to perform, and so
have I. Do your worst! "

"But, Billy, you were
not always like this ! "

"No, Jack, I was not.
Once I used to prattle at
my mother's knee, I was
beloved by my brothers and
sisters, and I was the pride
of the nursery ! "

And then the strong man
broke down, and wept
bitterly.

" But have you not fallen
very low ?" asked the
British Captain, gently.

'' Indeed I have ! I am
a thief, a liar, a scoundrel
—and, in fact, a black-
guard ! "

" With such surround-
ings," returned the Officer
R.N., pointing to the debris
of the pirate craft, "it is
difficult to dispute your
contention. Indeed, you
are a blackguard ! But to
what cause do you owe
your fall?"

" To my early training."
"I do not comprehend
you. Your early training!
Whore were vou trained ?"
"In the Britannia ! '_'
And then the British
Captain completely under-
stood the situation.

West Kensington Cuirassier. "Now Oi

wonder what koind of an 'EllO Oi 'll
'ave to be next year ? "

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