Punch: Punch (101.1891)

November 14, 1891.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

231

We tax the patience of poor Meles- Taxus,
Until lie turns with tooth and claws and whacks us.
The natural home of Taxus—the Exchequer—
Harbours a creature that keeps up its pecker.

" For the purpose of so-called ' sport,' the Badger used
to be captured and put into a cage ready to be tormented I
at the cruel will of every ruffian who might chose to risk
his dog against the sharp teeth of the captive animal."

This particular sort of "sport " is a little out of date.
But " drawing a Badger " is not unknown even in these
humanitarian days. Dogs will sometimes voluntarily
rush in to risk their hides and muzzles against the afore-
said sharp teeth, &c. Look at those in the picture!

The two small, if aggressive, terriers seem unequally
matched against the clumsy" but strong-jawed and
terribly-toothed Badger. They have drawn him, indeed,
out of his hole, and one of them, at least, seems rather
sorry for it, if you may judge by the way in which he
turns tail and makes for his protector, the big Bull-
Terrier. The ventripotent broken-haired tyke looks more
valorous—for the moment. Yap! yap! yap! Meles-
Taxus takes little notice of him, however. His eyes are
on that sturdy specimen of Canis familiaris there, whose
bold eyes in turn are on hi?n. Both, perhaps, experience—

" That stern joy which warriors feel
In foemen worthy of their steel."

" Drawn by those two tiny yelpers ? Not a bit of it!
But you, my complacent canine Colossus—come on if you
dare ! " And he does dare, evidently. Whether he '11
regret his daring- remains to be seen.

The Memory of Milton.

Milton forgotten ? Nay, my Besant, nay;
Not wholly, even in this petty day,
When learning snips, when criticism snaps,
And the great bulk of readers feed on scraps.
Still, still he finds his "audience fit, though few,"
The rest forget not since they never knew.

The Off-Portsmouth Phrase-Book.

Have you caught a fish ?

No, but I have bagged a cannon-ball.

Is the sea too rough for your boat ?

No, the sea is not too rough, but the Torpedoes are
decidedly embarrassing.

Is that a pretty shell that you are going to carry home
to your children ?

No, it is a live one, that, if it bursts a yard nearer,
will blow us into smithereens.

Do you propose returning to your lodging to-night ?

That is a matter that will be decided by the Com-
mander of the nearest practising gun-boat.

THE RESULT OF TOO MUCH GREEK.

First Classic. "By the way, hadn't Dante got another Name?"
Second Classic. "Yes; Alfieri, I think—or else Alighieri."
First Classic. "Ah, perhaps you're eight. I had a notion it was
Gabriel Rossetti, or something!"

CUTTING REMARKS.

Mr. Henry Author J ones has taken a theatre wherein to play his
own plays to his own taste. On the first night of The Crusaders this

taste was not exactly the taste of the
audience. Mr. Henry Author Jones
seemed to object to be tied to time, and the
result was the prompt appearance of that
terrible conqueror of things terrestrial,
General Boredom. Since the initial per-
formance, it is reported that matters have
gone on more smoothly. According to the
" usual sources of information" the dramatist
has been cheered on leaving his theatre, and
heartily congratulated. On one occasion he
actually supplemented his piece with a
speech f Apparently he was under the im-
pression that there could not be too much of
lied to lime. a good thing—Jones for choice ! It may be
that since the first performance, there has been some curtailment
made in the play. To judge from appearances it was a question of
cutting—either the author the play, or the public the theatre !

FRENCH AS SHE IS "WRIT."

The Standard's own Yienna Correspondent, when reporting the
unpleasant incident in the life of the Due d'Orleans, told us how
the Prince, on unwittingly "accepting service," said to the astute
lawyer's clerk, " Mais, Monsieur, ce n'est pas le moment." To which
the clerk replied, "also in French," says the Standard, " One time
is as good as another." But why was not the lawyer's clerk's
French as she is spoke given as well as that of M. le Due ? And how
much more telling it would have been had M. le Due been served
well and faithfully by a clerk like Perker's Mr. Loicten, fresh,
very fresh, from a carouse at the " Magpie and Stump," or even by
one of Messrs. Dodson and Fog's young men who enjoyed themselves
so much when " a twigging" of the virtuous Mr. Pickwick.

" Mais, Monsieur, ce n'est pas le moment," says the Duke, to which
our Mr. Lou-ten would have replied in Magpie-and-Stumping French,
" Eggskewsy moy, Mossoo, le Dook, ung Tom is aussy bong qu' ung
autre. Mossoo ler Dook ar maintenong peruse ler documong ; voici
le copy et voila two. Bonsoir, il faut que je l'accroche."

Whereupon he wouldlhave " hookedit," asit appears this particular
lawyer's clerk did, and was not seen again. No doubt he joined a
circle of admiring friends in the legal neighbourhood (some Magpies-
and-Stumps still exist), where, over a glass and a cigar, he recounted
the merry tale of how he had served a Duke.

Quite a New Spec.—We have just received a prospectus of a
Company entitled " The Monarch Insurance Society." Of course,
all the Crowned Heads of Europe will be in it. We haven't yet read
it, the title being: sufficient for the present. Ca donne d penser.
Will it provide New Monarchs for old ones ? Will it give good

sovereigns in exchange for bad ones ? If so—where will the profit Song and Chorus for the County Council on next Debate
come in ? on the Water Supply.—" Young Benn he was a nice voung man."

The relation of Hypnotiser to the Hypnotised at the Aquarium
may be simply described as " Germane to the subject."