Punch: Punch (101.1891)

November 14, 1891.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

239

NOTHING LIKE LABOUR.

(A Pleasant Prospect suggested by the
evidence taken before the Loyal Coin-
mission.)

And so the Unemployed rose from
the ditch in which he had passed the
night, and made for the town. It was
early morning, and he thought he could
possibly get something to do at the
baker's.

"Want to work ? " cried the foreman.
'' Why, my good fellow, it is all over
for the next two days. The trade only
allows four hours, so we begin at eight
on one night, and carry it on until
four on the following morning. People
get their loaves a little stale, but old
bread is said to be good for the digestion! "

So the Unemployed went on until he
came to a half-built house. The work-
men had left, but there was still a
watchman on the premises.

" Want to work ! Why what are you
thinking about! Why, our trade only
allows two hours a day, so we build a
house by laying foundation-stones. It
is rather slow, but very sure."

So the starving man continued his
journey. He was unsuccessful at every
trade centre. One industry allowed its
members to work only for three hours a
day, another two, a third four, and so
on. There was only one exception to ihe
rule, and this (so the doctor thinks) was
caused by necessity. The undertakers
were fully employed twelve hours out of
the twenty - four. Even the public-
houses were closed at noon. The work-
houses and casual wards were never
empty.

But being of a sanguine temperament,
the Unemployed cheered his drooping
spirits by murmuring, "Better fuck
to-morrow!" Then he retired to his
rather damp quarters in the country
ditch!

Literary Intelligence.

Airy opening of article by Mr. GlNLEY
Scorchsam, a rising young author.
"Asked by Editor of Magasin des
Louvres to let him have a paper on Art
as Applied to Drapery-"

Kote by the Agonised Editor {irho has
been struggling with MS. for several
hours). "And he did let me have it,
with a vengeance ! "

A SCENE AT THE " LUCULLUS."

Mrs. Blunderby. "Now, my dear Monty, let me order the Luncheon ar-la-fraingsy.
Gassong ! I wish to begin—as ave always do in Paris, my dears—with some chef-
d'ceuvres—you understand—some chef-d'ceuvres."

[Emile, the Waiter, is in despair. It occurs to him however, presently thai the Lady probably
means "Hors d'aiuvres," and acts accordingly.

LIGHT CONDUCT IX HEAVENLY BODIES.
Dear Mr. Editor,

" Wink, 0 wink, you little Star ! "

Henceforth let astronomers be very careful what observations
they make. To what a state of things are we coming, when at

. What on earth, or rather what in the starry Heavens' name, : - £t ^ ^ subiunarv worid is nodding, and the Stars 'above are

is the meamng of this heading to a paragraph m the Times oi luesday, winking. ]f there's duplicity in a Satellite of Jupiter, how about

v" . -r. T , „ „ . „ Jupiter itself? Can we henceforth put any trust m the Planets?

Apparent Duplicity of Jupiter's Satellite ho. 1. they in kague ^ soothsayers, astrologers, and

Except that the stars are given to wink, I have never before heard : fortune-tellers ? I cannot further pursue the painful subject. We
of the Heavenly Bodies being accused, of immorality. It is( true owe a 0f gratitude to the Times for exposing duplicity in the

that the duplicity is said to be only " ap- j highest places. Imagine treachery in Aurora Borealis ! What an

parent" or alleged, but this is doubtless due
to the precaution of the scientist to escape an
action for libel. Flatterers have often been
accused of this vice, and Satellites are not
much better. A " Star " on the stage might
perhaps thus acknowledge the presence of a
Iriend and admirer in the Stalls or in the
charmed Circle. But for a Heavenly Body

awful flirt she would be!! How she'd " wink the other eye ! "

Yours, An Astronomer Loyal.

Erom Mashonaland.—Inspired by the success of Arthur B., of
De Gorstibus Non Disputandum, and of Sir Eettle-Drummond
Wolff, our Grandolph meditates a surprise return to his own
native land and to Parliamentary life. He announces his intention
to be guilty of duplicity, and above all for a | of changing his name, and will call himself "Lord Nil Deste-
" Number One" Heavenly Body, is too much. : Randum Churchill." Hail to the modern Cccur-de-Lion ! "
No more will the simple lines ._____

« Twinkle, twinkle, little Star!» Final.—The Daily Chronicle says it does not regard Mr. Goschen

be true. No; if "Jupiter's Satellite No. 1" takes to such light as one of the Puritans of finance. _ Well, no, perhaps, George
conduct, then shall we have to read Joachim's finance—like his manner—is rather Cavalier.'