Punch: Punch (101.1891)

Noybmbeb 21, 1891.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVAKI.

241

CARS, IN HONOUR OF THE WELSH LORD MAYOR,

CANCEL, OR RECALL.

The World last week sounded a
note about the compulsory retire-
ment, by reason of age, from one of
the large Revenue Departments, of
a gentleman who has the great honour
to be the son of "the most distin-
guished Irishman of this century."
If this sentence has really been passed
authoritatively, which Mr. Punch
takes leave to doubt, then said
" Authority " will do well to recall
it in favour of the son of the Libera-
tor, which his name is also "Dan."
And, to give the well-known lines
so often quoted,—

""When Dan'l saw the writing on the
wall,

At first he couldn't make it out at all."

And the sooner the official writing
on the wall— if it exists—be oblite-
rated, the better for the public ser-
vice, as, when the public, like the
Captain in the ballad of "Billy Tay-
lor," " Comes for to hear on 't," the
said British Public will " werry
much applaud what has been done
in suppressing, not issuing, recon-
sidering or revoking the order. So
savs "Mr. P.," and the "B. P."

Strangely enough omitted from the Procession on the Ninth. | w{jj a^ree with him.

THE ANCIENT MILLINER,

(His Reminiscences of the Recent Gale.)

PART L
It was the Ancient Milliner

Stood by his open door ;
The tale he told was something like
A tale I 'd heard before.
# * * *

I called forthwith a Hansom, and
" Now, Cabman, drive ! " I cried ;

" For I must get this bandbox home
Before the eventide.

^ r " The bride a-

Sl i$,^7w>N^r.iJli pacing up

WI WJk\llmMilHn the aisle

WfySIWJMW*!' Mad as a dog

, ' ' i Q\ would be,

$v ^PS^^T^ Without this

■'^^fe^SJ^^T|f ' s^eetfconfec-

• vvfw^^i^Silk and pas-
^II^K^^K m||!J«j . sementerie."

" ^ ^^Stt^'^X^- ■ Westward the
ij ^3§0jj$L.i ^jf^ j ^ood cab flew.

ir*'l=^^SIii''Ni|k Was °kieck-

R ^ 1 B >\ head from

side to side
Raining Cats and Dogs. In 311 offen-

sive way.

He tossed his head, he shook his mane,

And he was big and black ;
He wore a little mackintosh

Upon his monstrous back.

I mused upon that mackintosh,

All mournfully mused I;
It was too small a thing to keep

So large a beastie dry.

And on we went up Oxford Street
With a short, uneasy motion ;

What made the beast go sideways I
Have not the faintest notion,

But we ran into an omnibus_
With a short, uneasy motion.

All in a hot, improper way,
The rude 'bus-driver said,

That them what couldn't drive a horse
Should try a moke instead.

Never a word my cabman spoke—■

No audible reply—
But, oh, a thousand scathing things

He thought; and so did I.

" What ails thee, Ancient Milliner ?

What means thy ashen hue ?
Why look'st thou so?"—I murmured,
"Blow! "

And at my word it blew.

FART II.

The storm-blast came down Edgware
Road,

Shrieking in furious glee,
It struck the cab, and both its doors
Leaped open, flying free.

I shut those doors, and kept them close
With all my might and main ;

The storm-blast snatched them from my
And forced them back again, [hands,

It blew the cabman from his perch

Towards the horned moon;
I saw him dimly overhead

Sail like a bad balloon.

It blew the bandbox far away

Across the angry sea ;
The English Channel's scattered with

Silk and passementerie.

The silly horse within the shaft

One moment did remain ;
And then the harness snapped, and he

Went flying through the rain ;
And fell, a four-legged meteor,

Upon the coast of Spain.

First Voice.

" What makes that cab move on so fast
Wherein no horse I find ? "

Second Voice.

" The horse has cut away before ;
The cab 's blown from behind."

Then just against the Harrow Road
I made one desperate bound—

A leprous lamp-post and myself
Lay mingled in a swound!

And cables snapped, and all things
snapped;
When the next morn was grey,

The Telegraph appeared without
Its "Paris Day by Day."

PART III.

Oh, cheapness is a pleasant thing,

Beloved from pole to pole!
To get a thing at one-and-four,
For which your friend pays twopence
more,

Is balm unto the soul.

And cheaper than that Hansom cab
Whose tale I've told thee thus,

Far cheaper it had been to take
The stately omnibus !

To take the stately omnibus

Where all together sit;
Eaeh takes his ticket in his hands,
Obeys the Company's commands,

And pays his pence for it,

And if you would not find yourself
Wrecked in the Edgware Road,

Do not be vulgar and declare
You wish you may be blowed !

THE "MASHER'S" ANSWER.

[Dr. Arabella Kenealy, in the Westminster
Review, is severe on the young men of the day for
not dancing, and avoiding matrimony.]

Bless me, Doctor Arabella,
Hard a lady's hand can strike !

Do you really mean a
fella'

Is to dance just when
you like ?
Why so savagely sar-
castic,
That we will not
"take the floor "
And account the " light
fantastic "
An unmitigated bore ?

You avow we 're shy of
marriage.
Is not that too hard again ?
When a maiden wants a carriage,

And a mansion in Park Lane,
Diamonds, furs, and opera-boxes :

Although ardently one loves,
All the balance I've at Cox's
Wouldn't keep a girl in gloves.

vol. ct.