Punch: Punch (101.1891)

276

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[December 5, 1891.

POPULAR SONGS RE-SUNG;

Or, Miss Bowdler at the Music Halls.
No. III.—THE SPOOKS IN THE SQUARE.

Another Ghost commenced. He said: "I was a great R. A.
(I remember the time when we used to meet in the pepper-pots,"
over the way),

My daubs were always hung on the line, for ourselves we used to
judge,

Air—" The Goblins in the Churchyard." j Our sole Ideal conventional cant, our technique broad brown

I went down to the Psychical Societv one night, . , smudge.

And heard them talk of Spooks and things that tilled me with affright. ; And now Bumra J ones s pictures sell <! ! "—here he writhed with a
The Psychical Society, as every member boasts, ,, , sPectral twist

And our ' broad brown smudge' gives way to the fudge cranks call
' Impressionist.'

I've lost my head, as perhaps you mark—though I keep a ventri-
loquist tongue.

What 's the use of a head to an Artist Ghost, who has never a
chance to be huDg ? "

Chorus—Some of the Ghosts, &c.

A Lawyer's Ghost wept on his post, and then began to state
That the Revolution of Sixty-eight—he meant of Six-and-eigh.t—
For the abolition of needless fees, and the stopping of useless jaw,

"Was founded with the object of investigating Ghosts!
Now Ghosts, the modern species, are of very various sorts,
For tike some plants, as botanists say, they seem to run to " sports."
I used to think a spectre ivas a spectre, but I tind
The " Psychical" can furnish Spooks of every class and kind.

Chorus.

Some of the Ghosts are little, some of the Ghosts are big,
Some come in the guise of a headless man, and some of a spectre pig.
Some of them laugh '' Ha! ha! " Some of them wail '' Heigho! "
And I felt that night in a doose of a fright before it was time to go.

Ljhad read Phantasmagoria by that Had capped the murder of Privilege

writer quaint but grand, um. „ , )Htf jjfjftL jllMMlllyillliftiilirhl Kill IfA MIJMi i „ ^Y the massacre of Law:

Who penneot The Hunting of the Snark \'"\ I :, , fe' '^MAf* ft •". 0rder' this *Pook ™-nt on to state,

and Alice in Wonderland. k\ f $ a H • was the prey of pohce - less

And I thought I knew a thing or two, H '"O- $j|f. \ <MtiWM§^^ * - - ~% „ P^nk,

or might be even three, 1 JU ,»<;.' '-^•ffe11' W^f^^hk AU the real Ja^ of life was lost with

About a Ghoul, and a Fay or TroU, and iMsMK^fflmMF^ ^ W „ the aboHtion of Rank.

a Brownie or Banshee. lillK . M Here he wept; . Ah! can there be

I knew that a Banshee always howled, ^WS^imSS^S^KlM I1 i" i; ^.......* <n'»» Vt a si»nt a pitiful.breast to thrill

whilst a Goblin might but yawn, IWMsSfofi^ i Wf / ^^i! •! Llke the Ghost of a Lawyer drop-

I also knew that a Poltergeist was not . '" ^''WFw^Spm K ^Mp'- £ing a ^tear^o'er the Ghost of a

But the PsychicS's, I'm bound to say, Vs V$»fffl ^'l-.. ' iBI'^^l 'W Chorul—Some of the Ghosts, &c.

had me on "buttered toastes " ( US^P™M j IK wtmZ iV.\|t ' '%BA '

With the wonderful changes which ijiffl^l ^Wi'"^ ' 'IWKf^Mllll I 1 woke- A pain possessed my head.

they rang on the good old Church- ^:#T>#1 : - /iff' ^ r The gathered Ghosts were gone,

yard " Ghostes." il \ j!j '0\'F\ W' ' And I lay there in Trafalgar Square,

™ iliitP|':'' ' , ' -- -^fttflPjfflPfi v on a cold stone alone.

Chorus- m 11 IplHt WC ,,u/.i''^M,fPfpPPr 1 seemed to hear a wailing cry, a

Some of their Ghosts were sages, some | If f \^"^g^W\mf A< whisper on the breeze,

of them seemed sheer noddies; 1 I | fi' Pi -.ifnfitff' wPfl'lll ll'l' Which said, in accents I well knew,

Some of the same like a " Wandering \Lmuisrtf^*''"~ >\} u Noiv then, Time, Gentlemen,

Flame," and others as "Astral CfiXr"^" //<P, please.n'

Bodies." l^lfell^ It'may have been the warning to recall

Some of theirs croaked "Ha! ha!" some of them chuckled ^^TOSj (J those vagrant Ghosts

"Ho! ho!" [time to go. /^w" lf«<i{ To-wheresoever they [abide, poor

And I got so sad, I was heartily glad when I found it was pallid spectral hosts!

\ Z^^\ What it all meant I cannot tell, but

I dropped into the "Rose and Crown," a highly respectable iH. r> tk*s at *east * know>

tavern, 1) To that Psychical Society no more at

For Ghosts are dry, and my thirst was high, my throat like a / y / <T) night I '11 go !

chalky cavern. ^j^Z^Z^S •

I didn't have much, only four of cold Scotch, which is good j) d ' ^ A Chorus.

to moisten chalk. _ rc^^h^>'/ Some of the Ghosts did goggle, some

The night was fine, it was twelve twenty-nine, so I thought I ) f Jl of the Spooks did stare,

might just as well walk. But there they sat in a spectral

But when I entered Trafalgar Square, I heard a mysterious ^ row round "the Squirts" in

sound; ' Trafalgar Square

There was not even a Bobby in sight as I stole a glance around;
But seated on Nelson's lions four, and perched on the neighbouring
" posteses,"

I saw, as we said in our Nursery Rhynie, a dozen or so of
"Ghosteses"!

Chorus.

Some of the Ghosts were short, some of the Ghosts were tall,
Some of them had most preposterous noddles, and some of them none
at all,

They all gave a shrill "Ha! ha!" they all gave a hushed
"Ho! ho! "

I turned in a fright and I wished 'em good night—but they would
not let me go!

Then one of the Ghosts began to speak ; down on my knees I sank,
"I am a Nobleman's Ghost," said he, "and mine offence is
Rank!

I never cared for the Common Herd, the People I loved to crush ;
My only remark on the Poor was ' Pooh ! ' my retort to the Toilers
_ 1 Tush !'

And if they dared to grumble, why, I used to raise my rents,
For I always held that the Mob were made to keep up the Cent-per-
cents,

And now in this Square I hear Btjrxs's blare, see the Red Banner
wave,

And Society swished by the Socialist; so I cannot rest in my
grave.

Choritrs—Some of the Ghosts, &c.

They all gave a loud " Ha! ha ! " they all gave a loud " Ho ! ho i "
And I turned and fled, and got home to bed as the rooster began
to crow!__

The Naked Truth.—Our old friend, Mrs. Rausbotham, was
reading, the other day, a letter in the Times about " Electrical Tram-
ways," when she came upon a line stating that "two naked con-
ductors " would be used. Much shocked, she was about to look at
something else in the paper when she noticed that "one of the
conductors was to be carried on poles," and another to be "laid
rigid between the rails! " Horritied at this apparent brutality,
the worthy lady has been writing letters (in draft) to the Com-
missioner of Police ever since!__

A Friendly Tip to the Fighting Factions.

Recrimination is vexation,

Sedition is as bad ;
Home Rule the-o-rymuch puzzles J. B.

Such practice proves you mad!

A Timely Suggestion.—Commenting upon the exceptionaUy bad
case of the Rev. Mr. Clutterruck last week, the Times asks if
something cannot be done to put down betting by turf-agencies, and
stock-exchange gambling per "bucket-shops." We regret our
inability to suggest an immediate remedy, but, as a warning apd a
reminder, let. the last-named institutions be called " Clutter Ducket-
shops."

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