Punch: Punch (101.1891)

December 26, 1891.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 303

Young' Arrius's huncle, he tells us,

talked similar patter. No doubt!
Havunculus hejus, I reckon, knew

"wot lie was dashed well about.
I say bully for Libee, and chance it.

'Tain't whether you say Hill or '111,
It's whether you 're able to climb it;

and that 's where the prigs git

their pill.

There'saparty who, in the St. James's
Gazette, dear old pal, 'tother day,

Took my name, not pertikler in ram,
though, and called hisself " 'Arry
B. A."

"Wrote smart, he did, Charlie, and
slick-like, but '"Aery B. A." isn't
Me!

No fear! 'Arry's not sech an A
double S as to want a "Degree."

I know wot's wuth knowin', I

reckon, and wot I don't know I

can learn,
Without mortar-board 'ats and black

bedgowns, or stuffing my brains

till they turn.
To be well in the know is my maxum,

but as for "Compulsory Greek,"
Would it give me, I wonder, ahextry

" compulsory " two quid a week ?

Wy, I knewanold'atchet-facedparty,
as lodged in our 'ouse years ago,

Oozed Greek as a plum-tree does
gum-blobs; trarnslated for Buf-
fins & Co.,

The popular publishers, Charlie. I know

'twas a dooce of a grind
For poor Magswoeth to earn fifteen quid,

and at last he went hout of 'is mind.

Tus, died of a softening, they told us, through

sitting up six months on end
At a book of Greek plays. Poor old buffer,

he hadn't five pounds nor a friend ;
But Degrees ? He fair rolled in 'em, Chaelie !

He offered to teach me a lot,
But one lesson in Greek settled me; it's the

crackjorest speshus of rot!

Aeey Stuffy Knees sounds pooty ropy ;

he's oae of their classickal pets ;
Old Thoosy Dides, too, he's another. In

high Huniwarsity sets
They chuck 'em in chunks at each other, like

mossels of Music 'All gag,
And at forty they've clean slap forgot 'em!

DRAWING THE LINE.

Judge. "Remove those Baeeistees. They're deawing!"

Chorus of Juniors. "May it please youe Ludship, we'ee only deawing—pleadings."

[" Mr. Justice Dexmax said that he saw a thing going on in Court that he could not sanction. He saw-
Gentlemen of the Bar making pictures of the witness. Let it be understood that he would turn out any
Gentleman of the Bar who did so in future."—Daily Paper, Thursday, December 17.]

That's "modernity," Chaelie! Style,
modesty, taste? Oh, go 'ome and eat
coke!

Old Stuffy Knees wouldn't 'ave tumbled,
you bet, to a Music 'All joke.

1' Jest fancy a gentleman not knowing

Greek ! " So a josser named Feoude
Said some time ago. Oh Gewillikens ! Must

ha' bin dotty or screwed.
A modern School Master could hopen his

hoptics a mossel, you bet;
Greek 's corpsed, and them graduate woters
will flock to its funeral yet.

"We're going to plant it to-morrer!"

That comic song 'its it at once.
" Attic lore " will be blowed attic-high; and

the duffers who dub you a dunce
'Cos yer 'Omee, or haitches, is quisby, in
Rome or in London, will know
/want to know where comes the swag ? j That Aeeius—or 'Aeey—romps in while Cat

Hedgercation is all very proper, purviding 1 Ullus is stoPPin? to blow-

it gives yer the pull As to Aeeius, I wish I'd 'ave knowed 'im,

Hover parties as don't know the ropes, in a no doubt we'd 'ave palled up to-rights,

market that's mostly too full; And 'ave chivied Cat Ullus together, like

But this Classickkerriculum's kibosh, Greek one o' them broken-nosed frights

plays, Latin verse and all that. \ Saps call classick busts; stone Aunt Sallies fit

All Cat TJllus's haitches won't 'elp yer, if only for cockshies, dear boy,

Nature 'as built yer a flat!
Though Aeeius's haspirates rucked, and

Wich to chip out my name on their cheeks is
a barney I always enjoy.

made Mister Cat Ullus chi-ike, Your Cocknev eternal ? No doubt! And a

He was probably jest such a rattler as poets j0Uv good job, / should say;

and prigs never like, It 's much more than yer conkey old Classicks.

When a chap knows 'is book, piles the ochre, j for they 'ave about 'ad their day.

THE BISHOP AND THE SEA-SERPENT.

[" The Bishop of Adelaide, in writing to a colonial
friend, states that while riding along the sea-beach
he came across a dead sea-serpent, about 60 feet in
length. . . . The Bishop describes his ' find ' as the
most peculiar animal he has ever seen."—Daily
Paper.']

The Bishop saw the Serpent

A lying very near—
"Now, in the name of truth," says he,

" We '11 have no lying here."
It was the Great Sea-Serpent,

Stretched out upon the shore—
It measured—well, no matter what,

It was all that, and more.

" He 's dead! the Great Sea-Serpent! "

The Bishop cried, with glee,
'' And now there is no Serpent

Within my present See."
'Tis scotched, not killed; for, sure as
fate,

We '11 fifty bet to five,
That, when the Season 's dead, The Great
Sea-Serpent will revive.

HIS GREATEST PLEASURE.

[" My greatest pleasure will be to think of you,
Mr. Rogers."—Grossly unfair extract from the
Newspaper Report of Mr. Goschoi's Speech on Girls'"
Education.]

In gilded halls some take their ease,

In song and dance they find delight;
And there are those whom banquets please,

perhaps becomes pal to a Prince, You may stuff college ganders with all the

Lor! it's wonderful' ow a dropped haitch or compulsory cram as they '11 carry, And masques and revelry by night

Such gauds are wearisome to me ;

And wilder lures of dice or drink
Attract me not; my maddest glee

two do make the mealy-mouths wince. And then it's yer fly bird as scores off 'em,
Wot's a haitch but a garsp, arter all ? Yer \ whether that's Aerius or 'Aeey.

swell haspirate's only a breath,
Yet, like eating green peas with a knife, it

scumfoodles the sniffers to death, A Diplomatic On Dit.

As a fack the knife 's 'andiest, fur, and

there 's many a haitch-screwing toff
Who would find patter easier biz if the
motter was " haspirates is hoff! "

The 'Igher Hedgercation means "savvy";

you size up the world, patter slang,
Hit slick, give what for, and Compulsory

Latin and Greek may go 'ang.

AYheee Lytton lately ruled supreme,

A Marquis will direct affairs.
Congratulations, then, to him

And to ourselves in equal shares.
But stranger paradox than this

Most surely there has never been,—
Wb send a most distinguished man,
Yet only put a Duffer in !

Is to sit still and think.

I think and think; the world grows less,
And Budgets seem but worthless toys;

For I am lost in happiness,
In my ecstatic joy of joys.

Ah, Mr. Rogees, blessed name,
Let me think on till all is blue,

For pow'r is naught, nor wealth, nor
fame,

Compared with thoughts of you.