Punch (102.1892)

12 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [Januaey 2, 1892.

Poor Charley ! he 'd just love to be here—he la ever so much
artistic feeling-! ,V , , , .., , n

Mr. T. Well, I don't see why he couldn't have come along- it he'd

wanted. , • 7 , v -r , ,~.

Miss T. {with a glance at her neighbour). I presume he'd reasons
enough. He's a vurry cautious man. Likely he was afraid he'd
get bitten.

Miss P. {after a swift scrutiny of Miss T.'s features). Oh, Bob,
remind me to get some more of that mosquito stuff. I should so hate
to be bitten—such a dreadful disfigurement!

Miss T. {to the Moon). I declare if I don'tbelieve I can feel some
creature trying to sting me now!

Miss P. Some people are hardly recognisable, Bob, and they say
the marks never quite disappear !

Miss T. Poppa, don't you wonder what Charley's doing just
now ? I'd like to know if he 's found anyone yet to feel an interest
in the great Amurrcan Novel. It's curious how interested people
do get in that novel, considering it's none of it written, and never
will be. I guess sometimes he makes them believe he means some-
thing by it. They don't understand it's only Charley's way!

Miss P. The crush isn't quite,---

so bad now. Mr. Pobbttry, if ! a

A TRIAL IN NOVEL POEM.

Intt
I I\

happen next.

Scene—The Interior of Court during a sensational trial. Bench,
Bar, and Jury in a state of wild excitement as to what will

you will kindly ask your friend
not to hold on to our gondola, we
should probably be better able to j
turn. (Culchard, who had fondly ;
imagined himself undetected, takes
his hand away as if it were
scorched.) Now we can get away.
[To Gondolier.) Yoltiamo, se vi
piace, prestissimo!
[The gondola turns and departs.
Miss T. Well, I do just enjoy
making Prenbergast girl per-
fectly wild, and that's a fact. .
{Reflectively.) And it's queer, j
but I like her ever so _ much all
the time. Don't you think that's
too fonny of me, Mr. Culcharb,
now ?

[Culcharb feigns a poetic S^^^x^f'^^^^^^/S^^^^W^V/^'i-/—— • mention that I have not the

abstraction.

Judge [mysteriously handvig note to Bar engaged in the case). I
have received this letter, which is deeply interesting. It will form
appropriately what I may call our Third Volume. I hand it to
Counsel, but they must keep it entirely to themselves.

First Leader {after perusal of document). Did you ever ?

Second Leader [ditto). No I never !

Judge {greatly gratified). I thought I would surprise you ! Yes,
it came this afternoon, and I found it too startling to keep all to
myself, so I have revealed the secret, on the condition you tell no
one else.

First Lead. You may rely on the discretion of my learned friend,
my Lord.

Second Lead. My Lord, on the discretion of my learned friend
you may rely.

Judge. Thank you [dipping his
pen in the ink), and now we will
go on with the case.
\_A Witness is called—he hides his
face under a cloak.
First Leader (in examination-
in-chief). I think you wish to
preserve your incognito ?

Wit. (in sepulchral tones). I do.
But if his Lordship desires it, I
will write my name on a piece of
paper and pass it up.

Judge. Well, certainly, I think
I ought to know everything,

and- (Receives piece of paper

disclosing the information, and
starts back in his chair aston-
ished). Dear me ! Good gracious!
Dear me!
First Lead. I think I should

faintest idea who this witness is,
and only call him, acting under
I instructions, (To Witness.) Do

UN LI HAi\UI ! _ ^^^^rjJRMliC,y^ :you know _ anything about the

We are supplied by our special' ' fl p^jf^^ WWw/^^im^f^"/'~'/f—7~ matter in dispute ?
reporter with some interesting /; 'f-'AS^-'/^TiM^\\\| #=iLt kW^^^^^j""^—/ Witness (with a sepulchral

and significant facts in connection .' '>:.y/,iJ^'J^M^ifF^^^M » m^p2||pS^ / / laugh). Ha! ha! ha! Nothing,

with the last Cabinet Council. ^ ' j'rfj ? ffinM k&tQe^M^ Wc^^^^kj / Your question is indeed a good

Lord Salisbuy arrived early, ; 'X <$/.'^ A^Wp^fx r"^/^vfB&/ / joke. Nothing, I repeat, abso-

walking over from the Foreign '//^XNu^xll/W/'*/Cv\\l^^l /■ / , lately nothing'!

Office under cover of an umbrella. '/,' \' \ A ) \ >^y 1 I /A' ifplli Wfn/M11 I jlm ' s First Lead, (annoyed). Then

The fact that it was raining may -. V {\J Y£y < 1 - n /s5f\ JiJiii / / /^^/ / you can sit down.

only partly account for this man-
oeuvre. Lord Cross arrived in a
four-wheeled cab and wore his
spectacles. Lord Kntttsforb ap-
proached the Treasury walking
on the left hand side of the road
going westward, whilst Lord
Cranbroox deliberately chose
the pavement on the other side of
the way. This is regarded as
indicating a coolness between the

OVER TIME IN LEAP YEAR.

Second Lead, (sharply). Pardon
me—not quite so fast! You say
you know nothing about the
matter in dispute, and yet you
come here!

Witness (in a deeper voice than
ever). Exactly.

Second Lead. But why, my
dear Sir—Why? What is the
point of it ? Who may you
be?

Colonial Office and the Council of Education. Lord Halsbuby Witness. It is not may be—but who I am !
alighted from a bus at the bottom of Downing Street, accomplishing Second Lead. Well, tell us who you are. (Persuasively.) Come,
the rest of the journey on foot. He wore a new suit of the latest i who are you?

fashionable cut and a smile. Mr. Stanhope, approaching Downing Witness (throwing off his disguise). Who am I? Why, Hawkshaw
Street from the steps, started violently when he caught sight of a the Detective !

figure on the steps of the Treasury fumbling with the door-handle. \ Counsel Generally (to Judge). Then, my Lord, under the altered
He thought it was " Vetus," but recognising the Home circumstances of the case, we can appear no longer before

Secretary, advanced without further hesitation. Lord m% you. (With deep and touching emotion.) We retire from

George Hamilton walked arm-in-arm as far as the door 'J|f(\lir $jjjasj& tne case •

with Sir M. Hicks-Beach. Here they were observed to l§|M^. ^^^^y Judge (not very appropriately). Then if Box and^ Cox

hastily relieve themselves from contiguity and enter in ^^^^^^^Mt-^ are satisfied, all 1 can say is that I am. I may add that I

single file. As they had up to that moment been engaged ^^^^t-^m^ consider that the case has been conducted nobly, and that

in earnest conversation, this little incident caused a ^s^^^M I knew how it would end from the very first. I am:

sensation among the crowd looking on. The new Chief x % ^^^^k thoroughly satisfied.

Secretary was easily recognised as he descended from his }. v<^^^^BSfe* Jury. And so are we, my Lord—never so interested in

hansom with a sprig of shamrock in his coat and another ^vi^ffi^PK our lives !

of shillelagh in his right hand. Whilst waiting for change ^ j^^^^^p Newspaper Editor (departing). Ah, if we only had a

out of eighteenpence he softly whistled "God Save V-^^^^^|i trial like this every day, we should require but one line on

Ireland." Mr. Bitchie did not appear, pleading in- \'W ■ . ' f% . the Contents Bill! (Curtain.)

fluenza. Our reporter informs us that there is more ^ '^j','■ H ffjflJBw^ ========-

behind, and that before the Session is far advanced a "

change may be looked for at the Local Government Board. Only Fancy Tile Safest New Year Besolve.—To make none.

fcv" NOTICE—Kejcctcd Communications or Contributions, whether MS., Printed Matter, Drawings, or Pictures of any description, will
in no C£8ebe returned, not even when accompanied by a Stamped and Addressed Envelope, Cover, or Wrapper. To thia rule
there Will be no exception.