DOI Heft:
June 18, 1892
DOI Seite / Zitierlink: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17693#0298
June 18, 1892.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI 289
THE COURIER OF THE HAGUE.
{By the " Vacuus Viator")
with a spiked prong. " Tief-catcher—put 'em in de tief's nack—
and ged'im!" Before a grim-looking- cauldron he halts appre-
ciatively. "You know vat dat vas f or ? " he says. " Dat vas for
de blode-foots ; put 'em in dere, yass, and light de vire onderneat."
He is an elderly amiable little Dutchman in a soft felt hat; his name No idea what '' Mode-foots " may be, but from the relish in Bosch's
is Bosch, and he is taking me about. Why I engaged him I don't tone, evidently something very unpleasant, so don't press him for
quite know—unless from a general sense of helplessness in Holland, explanations. We go upstairs, and see some dark and very mouldy
and a craving for any kind of companionship. Now I have got him, I dungeons, which Bosch is most anxious that I should enter. Make
feel rather more helpless than ever—a sort of composite of Sandford him go in first, for the surroundings seem to have excited his sense
and Merton, with a didactic, but frequently incomprehensible Dutch of the humorous to such a degree, that he might be unable to resist
Barlow. My Sandford half would like to exhibit an intelligent i locking me in, and leaving me, if I gave him a chance,
curiosity, but is generally suppressed by Merton, who has a morbid | Outside at last, thank goodness! The Groote Kerk, according to
horror of useful information. Not that Bosch is remarkably erudite, ; Bosch, "is not yort de see," so we don't see it. Sandford has a
but nevertheless he contrives to reduce me to a state of imbecility, sneaking impression that I ought to go in, but Merton glad to be let
which I catch myself noting with a pained surprise. There is a off. We go to see the pictures at the Mauritshuis instead. Bosch
statue in the Plein, and the Sandford element in me finds a satisfac- I exchanges greetings with the attendants in Dutch. " Grot another of
tion in recognising it aloud as William the Silent. It is—but, as 'em in tow, you see—and collar-work, Jean tell you 1 " would be a
my Merton part thinks, a fellow would be a fool if he didn't recognise free translation, I suspect, of his remarks. Must say that, in a
William after a few hours in Holland—his images, Picture-gallery, Bosch is a superfluous luxury. He
in one form or another, are tolerably numerous. ^s^feb. ^oes ^a^e m^ %norance Just a trifle too much for
Still, Bosch is gratified. " Yass, dot is ole Yol- ^8111I1|«b^ granted. He might give me credit for knowing the
liam," he says, approvingly, as to a precocious JPp^^SllI^ story of Adam and Eve, at all events ! " De Sairpan
infant just beginning to take notice. " Lokeer," ^ -^VA ^e opple, an' Eva she gif him to Adam,"
he says, " you see dot Apoteek ? " He indicates a PIPPkW Bosch carefully informs me, before a " Paradise"
chemist's shop opposite, with nothing remarkable Wife's wtx R-1™1^ an(i Brueghel. This rouses my Mer-
about it externally, except a Turk's head with his ^^^MjrM^>^ t°n half to inquire what Adam did with it. " Oh,
tongue out over the door. "Yes, I, speaking for g. r^^^^^^^^^^=\ ead him too ! " says Bosch in perfect good faith.
Sandford and Merton, see it—has it some historical v!; . -J\ S^^^^Kg^^^^a I do wish, too, he wouldn't lead me up to Paul
interest—did Yolliam get medicine there, or what ? \\_ sff/i^^^^^w^^^^ Pottee's " Bull,'''1 and ask me enthusiastically if it
" Woll, dis mornin dare vas two sairvans dere, and ^%L/>^^&g^fe*«ra^^pJ isn't "real meat." I shouldn't mind it so much
de von cot two blaces out of de odder's haid, and V jmW/Mt^^^&U^^^k\ there were not several English people about,
afderwarts he go opstairs and vas hang himself ^^mMJ^BmS^^^lr\ ^\ without couriers—hut there are. My only revenge
mit a pedbost." Bosch evidently rather proud of "^llmlm^S^^^^^^} *s ^as Merton) to carefully pick out the unsigned
this as illustrating the liveliness of The Hague. lIlm^^Bm^^^^^^/ canvases and ask Bosch who painted them; where-
" Was he mad?" "Yass, he vas mard, mit a IHa^^Bm^^^^^^^A uPon> Bosch endeavours furtively to make out the
vife and seeks childrens." " No, but was he out of iw^BK^^^^^^' \ laDel on the frames, and then informs me in despe-
his senses?" " I tink it vas oud of Omsterdam he /fiM^KiS^^^W^^ \ ra^on' was 'School,'—yass, he baint him!"
vas com," says Bosch. " But how did it happen ? " ^^MwiilMM^^^^^^ \ Bosch kindly explains the subject of every picture
" Wol-sare, de broprietor vas die, and leaf de sue- vKBiifm^'um^W^^ fe- ^ *n detail. He tells me a Deoochsloot represents
cessor de pusiness, and he dells him in von mons he wMn/lfflHlII^^'^- a " balsham pedder." I suppose 1 look bewildered,
will go, begause he nod egsamin to be a Chimigal JW^MIU^M^^^^f^' ^or ac^s—" oppen air tanee mit a village."
—so he do it, and dey dake him to de hosbital, ^('f WUM |B™f IT " Hier dey vas hat a tispute ; dis man say de ham
and 1 tink he vas die too by now ! " adds Bosch, flwfl IMl'Iff' V Tas more value as de cheese—dere is de cheese, and
cheerfully. Yery sad affair evidently—but a little MiKUk^M^ml dere is the ham." " Hier is an old man dot marry
complicated. Sandford would like to get to the fiilHDl^lllrl I a ^onS viie> an<i two tevils com in, and de old man
bottom of it, but Merton convinced there is no \l llm^^'mmi he ron avay." "Hier he dress him in voman, and
bottom. So, between us, subject allowed to drop. WUm^W^wM ^e Y *s vrighfen." " Hier is Jan Steen himself
Sandford (now in the ascendant again) notices, as w Mf ill i irx \ I as a medicine, and he veel de yong voman's poise
the clever boy, inscription on house-front, "Hier wnf-n\w^ ti and say dere is nodings de madder, and de modder
woonden Groen Yan Prinsterer, 1838-76." "I mnmlii' I as^ ^° trink a glass of vine." "Hier is de
suppose that means Yak Prinsterer lived here, wWilli { Bc^l? I beach at Skavening—now dey puild houses on de
Bosch?" "Yass, dot vas it." "And who was Wi < ilp^ss' dunes—hot de beach is schdill dere." Such are
he?" "He vas—wol, he vos a Member of de Mwh''[ Iw^^ Bosch's valuable and instructive comments, to
Barliaments." "Was he celebrated?" " Cele- mMlmm llsllil^l which, as representing Sandford and Merton, I
brated? oh, yass! " " What did he do ? (I think /Jaifflj ~ listen with depressed docility. All the same,_ can't
Merton gets this in.) "Do?" says Bosch, quite MflfJ^^K^^^m^^^^ll help coming to the conclusion that Art is not
indignantly, "he nefer do nodings!" Bosch ^^^^^^^^^^H^L Bosch's strong point. Shall come here again—
takes me into the Fishmarket, when he directs my q isKHpf alone. We go on to the Municipal Museum, where
attention to a couple of very sooty live storks, who \y\-j. he shows me what he considers the treasures of the
are pecking about at the refuse. " Dose birts are v'~ j|gS|P' collection—a glass goblet, engraved " mit dails of
shtorks; hier dey vas oblige to keep alvays two , , , , , . ,, tobaggo hipes," and the pipes themselves ; a paint-
shtorks for de arms of de Haag. Ven de yong bome •sfto1ry,° a scandal°us °ut hag of a rose " mit ade beople's faces in de leafs; "
shtorks porn, de old vons vas kill." Sandford mteiy humorous nature, and a drawing of " two pirts mit only von foots."
shocked—Merton sceptical. "Keel dem ? Oh, yass, do any
tings mit dem ven dey vas old," says Bosch, and adds:—"Ye
haf de breference mit de shtorks, eh?" What is he driving
at? "Yass — ven ve vas old, ve vas nod kill." This reminds
Bosch — Barlow-like — of an anecdote. "Dere vas a vrent to
me," he begins, "he com and say to me, 'Bosch, I am god rso
shtout and my bark is so dick, I can go no more on my lacks—vat
Outside again. Bosch shows me a house. " Lokeer. In dot
house leef an oldt lady all mit herself and ade sairvans. _ She com
from Friesland, yassir." Really, I think Bosch is going to be
interesting—at last. There is a sly twinkle in his eye, denoting
some story of a scandalous but infinitely humorous nature. " Well,
Bosch, go on—what about the old lady ? " I ask, eagerly, as Merton.
" Wol, Sir," saj^s Bosch, " she nefer go noveres." . . . That's
vas I do?' To him I say, 'Wol, I dell you vat I do mit you—I all.' "A devilish interesting story, Sumph, indeed!" to quote
Mr. Wagg.
But, as Boscn frequently reminds me, "It vas pedder, you see, as
a schendlemans like you go apout mit me; I dell you tings dot vas
nod in de guide-books." Which I am not in a position to deny.
dake you at de booshair to be cot op ; I tink you vas make vary goot
shdeak-meat!'" Wonder whether this is a typical sample of
Bosch's badinage. "What did he say to that, Bosch ? " " Oh, he
vas vair moch loff, a-course ! " says Bosch, with the natural com-
placency of a successful humorist.
We go into the Old Prison, and see some horrible implements of
torture, which seem to exhilarate Bosch. "Lokeer!" he says, By One oe the Unemployed.—" It is a curious fact," wrote the
" Dis vas a pinition " (Bosch for " punishment") " mit a can. Dey \ Recording Angel, a very superior sort of person to " the Printer's
lie de man down and vasten his foots, and efery dime he was shdrook i Devil," on the Daily Telegraph, "that in Greater London last week
mit de can, he jomp op and hit his vorehaid. t . . Hier dey lie down ! the births registered were just one more than twice the number of
de beoples on de back, and pull dis shdring queeck, and all! deaths. Thus grows the population in this great Babylon." Yery
dese tings go roundt, and preak deir bones. Yen de pinition vas 1 appropriate, in this instance, is the title of " Great Baby-Ion." If
feenish you vas det." He shows where the Water-torture was prac- J you put it down an " e," my Lord, and spell it " berths," then these
tised. "Nottice'ow de vater vasvork a 'ole in de tile," he chuckles, are by no means in proportion to the unemployed youth in search
"I tink de tile vas vary hardt det, eh?" Then he points out a pole | of them.
vol on.
THE COURIER OF THE HAGUE.
{By the " Vacuus Viator")
with a spiked prong. " Tief-catcher—put 'em in de tief's nack—
and ged'im!" Before a grim-looking- cauldron he halts appre-
ciatively. "You know vat dat vas f or ? " he says. " Dat vas for
de blode-foots ; put 'em in dere, yass, and light de vire onderneat."
He is an elderly amiable little Dutchman in a soft felt hat; his name No idea what '' Mode-foots " may be, but from the relish in Bosch's
is Bosch, and he is taking me about. Why I engaged him I don't tone, evidently something very unpleasant, so don't press him for
quite know—unless from a general sense of helplessness in Holland, explanations. We go upstairs, and see some dark and very mouldy
and a craving for any kind of companionship. Now I have got him, I dungeons, which Bosch is most anxious that I should enter. Make
feel rather more helpless than ever—a sort of composite of Sandford him go in first, for the surroundings seem to have excited his sense
and Merton, with a didactic, but frequently incomprehensible Dutch of the humorous to such a degree, that he might be unable to resist
Barlow. My Sandford half would like to exhibit an intelligent i locking me in, and leaving me, if I gave him a chance,
curiosity, but is generally suppressed by Merton, who has a morbid | Outside at last, thank goodness! The Groote Kerk, according to
horror of useful information. Not that Bosch is remarkably erudite, ; Bosch, "is not yort de see," so we don't see it. Sandford has a
but nevertheless he contrives to reduce me to a state of imbecility, sneaking impression that I ought to go in, but Merton glad to be let
which I catch myself noting with a pained surprise. There is a off. We go to see the pictures at the Mauritshuis instead. Bosch
statue in the Plein, and the Sandford element in me finds a satisfac- I exchanges greetings with the attendants in Dutch. " Grot another of
tion in recognising it aloud as William the Silent. It is—but, as 'em in tow, you see—and collar-work, Jean tell you 1 " would be a
my Merton part thinks, a fellow would be a fool if he didn't recognise free translation, I suspect, of his remarks. Must say that, in a
William after a few hours in Holland—his images, Picture-gallery, Bosch is a superfluous luxury. He
in one form or another, are tolerably numerous. ^s^feb. ^oes ^a^e m^ %norance Just a trifle too much for
Still, Bosch is gratified. " Yass, dot is ole Yol- ^8111I1|«b^ granted. He might give me credit for knowing the
liam," he says, approvingly, as to a precocious JPp^^SllI^ story of Adam and Eve, at all events ! " De Sairpan
infant just beginning to take notice. " Lokeer," ^ -^VA ^e opple, an' Eva she gif him to Adam,"
he says, " you see dot Apoteek ? " He indicates a PIPPkW Bosch carefully informs me, before a " Paradise"
chemist's shop opposite, with nothing remarkable Wife's wtx R-1™1^ an(i Brueghel. This rouses my Mer-
about it externally, except a Turk's head with his ^^^MjrM^>^ t°n half to inquire what Adam did with it. " Oh,
tongue out over the door. "Yes, I, speaking for g. r^^^^^^^^^^=\ ead him too ! " says Bosch in perfect good faith.
Sandford and Merton, see it—has it some historical v!; . -J\ S^^^^Kg^^^^a I do wish, too, he wouldn't lead me up to Paul
interest—did Yolliam get medicine there, or what ? \\_ sff/i^^^^^w^^^^ Pottee's " Bull,'''1 and ask me enthusiastically if it
" Woll, dis mornin dare vas two sairvans dere, and ^%L/>^^&g^fe*«ra^^pJ isn't "real meat." I shouldn't mind it so much
de von cot two blaces out of de odder's haid, and V jmW/Mt^^^&U^^^k\ there were not several English people about,
afderwarts he go opstairs and vas hang himself ^^mMJ^BmS^^^lr\ ^\ without couriers—hut there are. My only revenge
mit a pedbost." Bosch evidently rather proud of "^llmlm^S^^^^^^} *s ^as Merton) to carefully pick out the unsigned
this as illustrating the liveliness of The Hague. lIlm^^Bm^^^^^^/ canvases and ask Bosch who painted them; where-
" Was he mad?" "Yass, he vas mard, mit a IHa^^Bm^^^^^^^A uPon> Bosch endeavours furtively to make out the
vife and seeks childrens." " No, but was he out of iw^BK^^^^^^' \ laDel on the frames, and then informs me in despe-
his senses?" " I tink it vas oud of Omsterdam he /fiM^KiS^^^W^^ \ ra^on' was 'School,'—yass, he baint him!"
vas com," says Bosch. " But how did it happen ? " ^^MwiilMM^^^^^^ \ Bosch kindly explains the subject of every picture
" Wol-sare, de broprietor vas die, and leaf de sue- vKBiifm^'um^W^^ fe- ^ *n detail. He tells me a Deoochsloot represents
cessor de pusiness, and he dells him in von mons he wMn/lfflHlII^^'^- a " balsham pedder." I suppose 1 look bewildered,
will go, begause he nod egsamin to be a Chimigal JW^MIU^M^^^^f^' ^or ac^s—" oppen air tanee mit a village."
—so he do it, and dey dake him to de hosbital, ^('f WUM |B™f IT " Hier dey vas hat a tispute ; dis man say de ham
and 1 tink he vas die too by now ! " adds Bosch, flwfl IMl'Iff' V Tas more value as de cheese—dere is de cheese, and
cheerfully. Yery sad affair evidently—but a little MiKUk^M^ml dere is the ham." " Hier is an old man dot marry
complicated. Sandford would like to get to the fiilHDl^lllrl I a ^onS viie> an<i two tevils com in, and de old man
bottom of it, but Merton convinced there is no \l llm^^'mmi he ron avay." "Hier he dress him in voman, and
bottom. So, between us, subject allowed to drop. WUm^W^wM ^e Y *s vrighfen." " Hier is Jan Steen himself
Sandford (now in the ascendant again) notices, as w Mf ill i irx \ I as a medicine, and he veel de yong voman's poise
the clever boy, inscription on house-front, "Hier wnf-n\w^ ti and say dere is nodings de madder, and de modder
woonden Groen Yan Prinsterer, 1838-76." "I mnmlii' I as^ ^° trink a glass of vine." "Hier is de
suppose that means Yak Prinsterer lived here, wWilli { Bc^l? I beach at Skavening—now dey puild houses on de
Bosch?" "Yass, dot vas it." "And who was Wi < ilp^ss' dunes—hot de beach is schdill dere." Such are
he?" "He vas—wol, he vos a Member of de Mwh''[ Iw^^ Bosch's valuable and instructive comments, to
Barliaments." "Was he celebrated?" " Cele- mMlmm llsllil^l which, as representing Sandford and Merton, I
brated? oh, yass! " " What did he do ? (I think /Jaifflj ~ listen with depressed docility. All the same,_ can't
Merton gets this in.) "Do?" says Bosch, quite MflfJ^^K^^^m^^^^ll help coming to the conclusion that Art is not
indignantly, "he nefer do nodings!" Bosch ^^^^^^^^^^H^L Bosch's strong point. Shall come here again—
takes me into the Fishmarket, when he directs my q isKHpf alone. We go on to the Municipal Museum, where
attention to a couple of very sooty live storks, who \y\-j. he shows me what he considers the treasures of the
are pecking about at the refuse. " Dose birts are v'~ j|gS|P' collection—a glass goblet, engraved " mit dails of
shtorks; hier dey vas oblige to keep alvays two , , , , , . ,, tobaggo hipes," and the pipes themselves ; a paint-
shtorks for de arms of de Haag. Ven de yong bome •sfto1ry,° a scandal°us °ut hag of a rose " mit ade beople's faces in de leafs; "
shtorks porn, de old vons vas kill." Sandford mteiy humorous nature, and a drawing of " two pirts mit only von foots."
shocked—Merton sceptical. "Keel dem ? Oh, yass, do any
tings mit dem ven dey vas old," says Bosch, and adds:—"Ye
haf de breference mit de shtorks, eh?" What is he driving
at? "Yass — ven ve vas old, ve vas nod kill." This reminds
Bosch — Barlow-like — of an anecdote. "Dere vas a vrent to
me," he begins, "he com and say to me, 'Bosch, I am god rso
shtout and my bark is so dick, I can go no more on my lacks—vat
Outside again. Bosch shows me a house. " Lokeer. In dot
house leef an oldt lady all mit herself and ade sairvans. _ She com
from Friesland, yassir." Really, I think Bosch is going to be
interesting—at last. There is a sly twinkle in his eye, denoting
some story of a scandalous but infinitely humorous nature. " Well,
Bosch, go on—what about the old lady ? " I ask, eagerly, as Merton.
" Wol, Sir," saj^s Bosch, " she nefer go noveres." . . . That's
vas I do?' To him I say, 'Wol, I dell you vat I do mit you—I all.' "A devilish interesting story, Sumph, indeed!" to quote
Mr. Wagg.
But, as Boscn frequently reminds me, "It vas pedder, you see, as
a schendlemans like you go apout mit me; I dell you tings dot vas
nod in de guide-books." Which I am not in a position to deny.
dake you at de booshair to be cot op ; I tink you vas make vary goot
shdeak-meat!'" Wonder whether this is a typical sample of
Bosch's badinage. "What did he say to that, Bosch ? " " Oh, he
vas vair moch loff, a-course ! " says Bosch, with the natural com-
placency of a successful humorist.
We go into the Old Prison, and see some horrible implements of
torture, which seem to exhilarate Bosch. "Lokeer!" he says, By One oe the Unemployed.—" It is a curious fact," wrote the
" Dis vas a pinition " (Bosch for " punishment") " mit a can. Dey \ Recording Angel, a very superior sort of person to " the Printer's
lie de man down and vasten his foots, and efery dime he was shdrook i Devil," on the Daily Telegraph, "that in Greater London last week
mit de can, he jomp op and hit his vorehaid. t . . Hier dey lie down ! the births registered were just one more than twice the number of
de beoples on de back, and pull dis shdring queeck, and all! deaths. Thus grows the population in this great Babylon." Yery
dese tings go roundt, and preak deir bones. Yen de pinition vas 1 appropriate, in this instance, is the title of " Great Baby-Ion." If
feenish you vas det." He shows where the Water-torture was prac- J you put it down an " e," my Lord, and spell it " berths," then these
tised. "Nottice'ow de vater vasvork a 'ole in de tile," he chuckles, are by no means in proportion to the unemployed youth in search
"I tink de tile vas vary hardt det, eh?" Then he points out a pole | of them.
vol on.