Punch (102.1892)

April 23, 1892.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 193

TOWN THOUGHTS FROM THE COUNTRY.

( With the usual apologies.)

On, to be in London now that April's there,

And whoever walks in London sees, some morning, in the

That tho upper thousands have come to Town, [Square,

To the plane-trees droll in their new bark gown,

While the sparrows chirp, and the cats miaow

In London—now!

And after April, when May follows
And the black-coats come and go like swallows!
Mark, where yon fairy blossom in the Row
Leans to the rails, and canters on in clover,
Blushing and drooping, with her head bent low !
That's the wise child: she makes him ask twice over,
Lest he should think she views with too much rapture
Her first fine wealthy capture !

But,—though her path looks smooth, and though, alack,
All will be gay, till Time has painted black
The Marigold, her Mother's chosen flower,—
Far brighter is my Heartsease, Love's own dower.

A Want.—"There isonly one thing," a visitor writes to
us, "that I missed at Yenice, S.W. I 've never been to
the real place, which is the Bride, or Pride, of the Sea, I
forget which, but, as I was saying, there's only one thing
I miss, and that is the heather. Who has not heard of ' the
moor of Yenice ' ? And I daresay good shooting there too,
with black game and such like. I only saw pigeons flying,
who some one informed me are the pigeons of Sam Mark.
Next time I go, I shall inquire at the Restaurant for fresh
Pigeon Pie. However, if Mr. Kiralfy will take a hint, he
will, in August provide a moor. It will add to the gaiety
of the show. ' The moor the merrier,' eh ? "

Neo-Dramatic Nursery Rhyme.

Mrs. Grundy, good woman, scarce knew what to think
About the relation 'twixt Drama and Drink.
Well, give Hall—and Theatre—good wholesome diet,
And all who attend will be sober and quiet!

Spring's Delights in London.—" Yia Malodora"—
clearly a lady, "Dora" for short—wrote to the Times
complaining that the result of the splendid weather for
the first ten days of the month was the reproduction of
"summer effluvium rank and offensive"m Piccadilly.
Poor Piccadilly! Oh, its "offence is rank," and Miss Dora
might add, quoting to her father from another scene in
Hamlet, " And smells so, Pa'! " West-Enders, in a dry
summer, must be prepared to have " a high old time of it."

SANCTA SISVIPLICiTAS.

Orthodox. Old Maid. "But, Rebecca, is your Place of Worshif conse-
crated ?"

Domestic {lately received into the Plymouth Brotherhood). "Oh no, Miss—it's
Galvanised Iron ! "

MY SOAP.

I'm the maker of a Soap, which I confidently hope

In the advertising tournament will win,
And remain the fit survival, having vanquished every rival

Which is very detrimental to the skin.

I will now proceed to show, what the public ought to know,

Unless they would be blindly taken in.
How in every soap but mine certain qualities combine

To make it detrimental to the skin.

But surely at this date it is needless I
should state
That the cheaper soaps are barely
worth a pin,
For they all contain a mixture, either
free or as a fixture,
Which is very detrimental to the skin.

And every cake you buy is so charged
with alkali,
To soda more than soap it is akin ;
It is really dear at last, for it wastes
away so fast,
And is very detrimental to the skin.

The public I must warn of the colours
that adorn
The soaps ambitious foreigners bring
* ■ in;

They are often" very "pretty, but to use them is a pity,
For they 're very detrimentaLto the skin.

There are soaps which you can see through. I ask, What can it

Is it resin, or some other form of sin ? [be through ?

There are soaps which smell too strong, and of course that must

And extremely detrimental to the skin. [be wrong,

And too much fat's injurious, and so are soaps sulphureous,
Though they say they keep the hair from growing thin ;

They may keep a person's hair on, like the precious oil of Aaron,
And yet be detrimental to his skin.

In short, the only soap which is fit for Prince or Pope

(I have sent some to the Kaiser at Berlin)
Is the article I sell you. Don't believe the firms who tell you

It is very detrimental to the skin.

A Liquor Question.—Why does a toper—especially when " before
the beak"—always say that he was "in drink," when he evidently
means that the drink was in him ? The only soaker on record who
could rightly be said to be " in drink " was,

" Maudlin Clarence in his Malmsey butt."

He was " in liquor " with a vengeance. But less lucky wine-bibbers
need not be illogical as well as inebriate.

Mr. GoscnEN's Budget.—"From a fiscal point of view, the To-
bacco receipts are extremely good." So unlike Jokim. Of course, as
he never loses a chance of a jeu de mot, what he must have said was,
that "the Tobacco 'returns' are extremely good." "A birthday
Budget,—many happy ' returns,'" he observed jocosely to Prince
Arthur, " quite piping times! " And off he went for his holiday;
and, weather permitting, as he reclines in his funny among the weeds,
he will gently murmur, " Dulce est desipere in smoko."

VOL CII.

8