DOI Heft:
March 26, 1892
DOI Seite / Zitierlink: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17693#0154
March 26, 1892.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 145
YE MODERATES OF LONDON!
Ye Moderates of London
Who sat at home at ease,
Ah ! little did you think upon
The dangerous C. C.'s!
"While comfort did surround you,
You did not care to go
To remote
Spots to vote
When the stormy winds did blow.
The voter should
.vNlj \\ . ' X have courage
^ s V IW No danger he
v -" should shun ;
tf.iS^f. • K\ 'Ftt In every kind
t»riuTTT^TTf^TT^"^' f\ of weather
fMlKSafe^i All sorts of
J risks should
^_ run.
A Not he!"Sq bold
Progressives
Will tax him,
|i and .he '11
1| know
|j] He must
m pay
If In their
" way'
ft wmmmmm' which is nei-
The Stay-at-IIome Voter. ther sure nor
slow.
But when the Thames Embankment,
The finest road in town,
Is riotous with tramcars,
Will that make rates come down ?
Will all these free arrangements,
Free water, gas, do so ?
Oh, they may!
Who can say p
And the Companies may go.
When Lidgett and McDougall
Are censors of the play,
We can patronise the Drama
In a strictly proper way ;
When Parkinson's Inspector
Of Ballets, we shall know
He will stop
Any hop
If he sees a dancer's toe.
Such grandmaternal rulers
Will settle life for us,
And Moderates, escaping
All canvassing and fuss,
Can still, from cosy firesides,
Through three long years or so,
Watch whereat
Jumps the cat,
And which way the wind does blow.
LOCKWOOD THE 'LECTURER.
[" Last Tuesday Mr. Frank Lockwood, Q.C.,
M.P., delivered a lecture entitled 1 The Law and
Lawyers of Pickwick,' to a large gathering of the
citizens of York, which place he represents in Par-
liament."—Daily Telegraph.}
Air—" Simon the Cellarer.'1''
Oh, Lockwood the Lecturer hath a rare store
Of jo-vi-a-li-tee, [galore,
Of quips, and of cranks, with good stories
For a cheery Q.C. is he !
A cheery Q.C. and M.P.
With pen and with pencil he never doth fail,
And every day he hath got a fresh tale.
" A Big-vig on Pig-vig," he quaintly did say,
When giving his lecture at York t'other day.
For Ho ! ho! ho !
Frank Lockwood can show
How well he his DicKens
Both know, know, know!
Chorus— For Ho! ho ! ho! &e.
HOSPITALITY A LA MODE.
[" Programmes and introductions are going out
of fashion at balls."—Weekly Paper.']
Scene—Interior of a Drawing-room during
a dance. Sprightly Damsel disengaged
looking out for a partner. She addresses
cheerful-looking Middle-aged Gentleman,
who is standing near her.
She. I am not quite sure] whether I gave
you this waltz ?
lie. Nor I. But I hope you did. I am
afraid it is nearly over, but we shall still have
time for a turn. [They join the dancers,
She. Too many people here | to-night to
make waltzing pleasant.
He. Yes, it is rather crowded. Shall we
sit out ?
She [thankfully, as he has not quite her
step). If you like. And see, the band is
bringing things to a conclusion. Don't you
hate a cornet in so small a room as this ? So
dreadfully loud, you know.
He. Quite. Yes, I think it would have
been better to have kept to the piano and the
strings.
She. But the place is prettily decorated. It
must ha ve cost them a lot, getting all these
flowers.
He. I daresay. No doubt they managed
it by contract. And lots of things come from
Algeria nowadays. You can get early vege-
tables in winter for next to nothing.
She. Yes, isn't it lovely ? All these palms,
I suppose, came from the Stores.
He. No doubt. By the way, do you know
the people of the house at all ?
She. Not much. Fact was, I was brought.
Couldn't find either the host or hostess. Such
a crowd on the staircase, you know.
He. Yes. Rather silly asking double> the
number of people the rooms will hold, isn't
it?
She. Awfully. However, I suppose it
pleases some folks. I presume they consider
it the swagger thing to do ?
He. I suppose they do. Do you know
many people here ?
She. Not a soul, or-
He. You would not have spoken to me ?
She. Well, no—not exactly that. But-
He. You have no better excuse ready.
Quite.
She. How rude you are I You know I
didn't quite mean that.
He. No, not quite. Quite.
She. By the way, do you know what time
it is?
He. Well, from the rooms getting less
crowded, I fancy it must be the supper hour.
May I not take you down ?
She. You are most kind! But do you
know the way ?
He. I think so. You see, I have learned the
geography of the place fairly well.
She. How fortunate ! But if I accept your
kindness, I think I should have the honour
of knowing your name.
He. Certainly ; my name is Smith.
She. Any relation of the people who are
giving the dance ?
He. Well, yes. I am giving the dance
myself—or rather, my wife is.
She. Oh, this is quite too delightful! For
now you can tell me what to avoid.
He. Certainly ; and I have the pleasure of
speaking to-?
She. You must ask my chaperon for my
name. You know, introductions are not the
fashion.
He. And your chaperon is-?
She. Somewhere or other. In the mean-
while, if you will allow me?_
He (offering his arm). Quite !
[Exeunt to supper.
MR. PUNCH'S UP-TO-DATE POETRY
FOR CHILDREN.
No. I.—" LITTLE MISS MUFFIT."
Little Miss Mtjefit
Reposed on a tuffet,
Consuming her curds and whey —
She had dozens of dolls,
And some cash in Consols
Tut by for a rainy day.
But though calm and content
While she drew Three per Cent.,
The Conversion unsettled her mien,
And she said, "Though they've
thrown us
This Five-Shilling Bonus,
I cannot brook Two pounds fifteen! "
Comes a Broker—outsider—
Who chanced to have spied her,
And "Options" and "Pools" he extols—
When he pictures the profit
(Commission small off it),
She cheerfully sells her Consols.
Then she starts operations
With fierce speculations
In Stocks of all manner and shape ;
But whatever she chooses
Her " cover" she loses,
And sees it run off on the tape.
So alas ! for Miss Muffit—
She now has to rough it,
And never gets jam with her tea ;
While the Bucket-shop Dealer
Employs a four-wheeler,
Regardless of L. S. and D.
" The Frogs" at Oxford.
Scene— Parlour of Private House, Oxford.
Time—Quite recently. Cook wishes to
speak to her Mistress.
Cook. Please, 'm, I should like to go out
this evening, 'm, which it's to see them
Frogs at the New Theayter.
Mistress. But it's all Greek, and you won't
understand it.
Cook. 0 yes, 'm. I once saw the Per-
formin' Fleas, and they was French, _ I
believe, leastways a Frenchman were showin'
of 'em, and I unnerstood all as was necessary.
[After this, of course she obtains permission.
Mrs. Rim's Uncle (on the maternal side)
has recently joined the religious sect known
as the Plymouth Brethren. This has greatly
distressed the good Lady. "If it had been
anything else," she says, "a Moravian Mis-
sionary, or a Christian Brother-in-law, I
wouldn't have minded. But to think that an
Uncle of mine should have become a Yarmouth
Bloater is a little hard on a poor woman no
longer in her idolescence.
vol cn.
0
YE MODERATES OF LONDON!
Ye Moderates of London
Who sat at home at ease,
Ah ! little did you think upon
The dangerous C. C.'s!
"While comfort did surround you,
You did not care to go
To remote
Spots to vote
When the stormy winds did blow.
The voter should
.vNlj \\ . ' X have courage
^ s V IW No danger he
v -" should shun ;
tf.iS^f. • K\ 'Ftt In every kind
t»riuTTT^TTf^TT^"^' f\ of weather
fMlKSafe^i All sorts of
J risks should
^_ run.
A Not he!"Sq bold
Progressives
Will tax him,
|i and .he '11
1| know
|j] He must
m pay
If In their
" way'
ft wmmmmm' which is nei-
The Stay-at-IIome Voter. ther sure nor
slow.
But when the Thames Embankment,
The finest road in town,
Is riotous with tramcars,
Will that make rates come down ?
Will all these free arrangements,
Free water, gas, do so ?
Oh, they may!
Who can say p
And the Companies may go.
When Lidgett and McDougall
Are censors of the play,
We can patronise the Drama
In a strictly proper way ;
When Parkinson's Inspector
Of Ballets, we shall know
He will stop
Any hop
If he sees a dancer's toe.
Such grandmaternal rulers
Will settle life for us,
And Moderates, escaping
All canvassing and fuss,
Can still, from cosy firesides,
Through three long years or so,
Watch whereat
Jumps the cat,
And which way the wind does blow.
LOCKWOOD THE 'LECTURER.
[" Last Tuesday Mr. Frank Lockwood, Q.C.,
M.P., delivered a lecture entitled 1 The Law and
Lawyers of Pickwick,' to a large gathering of the
citizens of York, which place he represents in Par-
liament."—Daily Telegraph.}
Air—" Simon the Cellarer.'1''
Oh, Lockwood the Lecturer hath a rare store
Of jo-vi-a-li-tee, [galore,
Of quips, and of cranks, with good stories
For a cheery Q.C. is he !
A cheery Q.C. and M.P.
With pen and with pencil he never doth fail,
And every day he hath got a fresh tale.
" A Big-vig on Pig-vig," he quaintly did say,
When giving his lecture at York t'other day.
For Ho ! ho! ho !
Frank Lockwood can show
How well he his DicKens
Both know, know, know!
Chorus— For Ho! ho ! ho! &e.
HOSPITALITY A LA MODE.
[" Programmes and introductions are going out
of fashion at balls."—Weekly Paper.']
Scene—Interior of a Drawing-room during
a dance. Sprightly Damsel disengaged
looking out for a partner. She addresses
cheerful-looking Middle-aged Gentleman,
who is standing near her.
She. I am not quite sure] whether I gave
you this waltz ?
lie. Nor I. But I hope you did. I am
afraid it is nearly over, but we shall still have
time for a turn. [They join the dancers,
She. Too many people here | to-night to
make waltzing pleasant.
He. Yes, it is rather crowded. Shall we
sit out ?
She [thankfully, as he has not quite her
step). If you like. And see, the band is
bringing things to a conclusion. Don't you
hate a cornet in so small a room as this ? So
dreadfully loud, you know.
He. Quite. Yes, I think it would have
been better to have kept to the piano and the
strings.
She. But the place is prettily decorated. It
must ha ve cost them a lot, getting all these
flowers.
He. I daresay. No doubt they managed
it by contract. And lots of things come from
Algeria nowadays. You can get early vege-
tables in winter for next to nothing.
She. Yes, isn't it lovely ? All these palms,
I suppose, came from the Stores.
He. No doubt. By the way, do you know
the people of the house at all ?
She. Not much. Fact was, I was brought.
Couldn't find either the host or hostess. Such
a crowd on the staircase, you know.
He. Yes. Rather silly asking double> the
number of people the rooms will hold, isn't
it?
She. Awfully. However, I suppose it
pleases some folks. I presume they consider
it the swagger thing to do ?
He. I suppose they do. Do you know
many people here ?
She. Not a soul, or-
He. You would not have spoken to me ?
She. Well, no—not exactly that. But-
He. You have no better excuse ready.
Quite.
She. How rude you are I You know I
didn't quite mean that.
He. No, not quite. Quite.
She. By the way, do you know what time
it is?
He. Well, from the rooms getting less
crowded, I fancy it must be the supper hour.
May I not take you down ?
She. You are most kind! But do you
know the way ?
He. I think so. You see, I have learned the
geography of the place fairly well.
She. How fortunate ! But if I accept your
kindness, I think I should have the honour
of knowing your name.
He. Certainly ; my name is Smith.
She. Any relation of the people who are
giving the dance ?
He. Well, yes. I am giving the dance
myself—or rather, my wife is.
She. Oh, this is quite too delightful! For
now you can tell me what to avoid.
He. Certainly ; and I have the pleasure of
speaking to-?
She. You must ask my chaperon for my
name. You know, introductions are not the
fashion.
He. And your chaperon is-?
She. Somewhere or other. In the mean-
while, if you will allow me?_
He (offering his arm). Quite !
[Exeunt to supper.
MR. PUNCH'S UP-TO-DATE POETRY
FOR CHILDREN.
No. I.—" LITTLE MISS MUFFIT."
Little Miss Mtjefit
Reposed on a tuffet,
Consuming her curds and whey —
She had dozens of dolls,
And some cash in Consols
Tut by for a rainy day.
But though calm and content
While she drew Three per Cent.,
The Conversion unsettled her mien,
And she said, "Though they've
thrown us
This Five-Shilling Bonus,
I cannot brook Two pounds fifteen! "
Comes a Broker—outsider—
Who chanced to have spied her,
And "Options" and "Pools" he extols—
When he pictures the profit
(Commission small off it),
She cheerfully sells her Consols.
Then she starts operations
With fierce speculations
In Stocks of all manner and shape ;
But whatever she chooses
Her " cover" she loses,
And sees it run off on the tape.
So alas ! for Miss Muffit—
She now has to rough it,
And never gets jam with her tea ;
While the Bucket-shop Dealer
Employs a four-wheeler,
Regardless of L. S. and D.
" The Frogs" at Oxford.
Scene— Parlour of Private House, Oxford.
Time—Quite recently. Cook wishes to
speak to her Mistress.
Cook. Please, 'm, I should like to go out
this evening, 'm, which it's to see them
Frogs at the New Theayter.
Mistress. But it's all Greek, and you won't
understand it.
Cook. 0 yes, 'm. I once saw the Per-
formin' Fleas, and they was French, _ I
believe, leastways a Frenchman were showin'
of 'em, and I unnerstood all as was necessary.
[After this, of course she obtains permission.
Mrs. Rim's Uncle (on the maternal side)
has recently joined the religious sect known
as the Plymouth Brethren. This has greatly
distressed the good Lady. "If it had been
anything else," she says, "a Moravian Mis-
sionary, or a Christian Brother-in-law, I
wouldn't have minded. But to think that an
Uncle of mine should have become a Yarmouth
Bloater is a little hard on a poor woman no
longer in her idolescence.
vol cn.
0