Punch (102.1892)

April 2, 1892.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 157

"'TIS MERRY IN HALL."

"What's in an 'at without an 'ed ? "
Distaffina de Cockaigne was wont to in-
quire, and " what's an 'all" (of Music like the
London Pavilion) "without a Ned" in the
shape of Mr. Edward Swanborough, the
all-knowing yet ever-green Acting Manager
at this place of entertainment, who possessing
the secret of perpetual youth in all the glory

of ever-resplen-
dent hat and
ever-dazzling
shirt-front,
ushers us into
the Stalls in time
to hear the hest
part of an ex-
cellent all-round
show. It is sad
to think that,
probably as we
were disputing
with the cab-
man, the cele-
brated Miss
Boom - Te - re -
sa, alias Lottie
Collins, Serio-
Comic and
Dancer, was
" booming " and
"teraying" be-
fore the eyes of a
delighted audi-
ence. Strange
that we should
"Knock'd'emP' not yet have

heard the great original. But as she is not
(so to adapt a line from the ''''Last Rose of
Summer") "left booming alone," we have
not escaped hearing several of her male and
female imitators who, by her kind permission
and that of her publishers, trade on her pre-
sent exceptional success. However, when we
entered the Stalls, Miss Boom-Te-re-sa had
disappeared, and somebody with a song had
"intervened" — a mode of proceeding not
necessarily limited to the Queen's Proctor—
before the object of our visit walked on to the
stage, and when he did come a pretty object
he was too, seeing that it was Mr. Albert
Chevalier, the unequalled and inimitable
Comedian of the Costermongers. He is a
thorough artist in this particular line, and no
indifferent one in others; but his Coster
ballads are artistically first rate. The fashion
of calling English singers by Italian names
is on the wane, otherwise Mr. Albert Chev-
alier, of French extraction, would find an
excellent Italian alias, closely associated with
the operatic and musical professions, and
most appropriate to the line he has adopted,
in the name of '' Signor Costa. " The melody
of Mr. Chevalier's " Coster's Serenade," of
which, I rather think, he is the composer as well
as librettist, is as charming as it is strikingly
original. After the Chevalier sanspeur et sans
approche had retired, clever and. sprightly
Miss Jenny Hill gave as a taste of lodging-
house- keeperism, following whom came the
Two Macs belabouring each other in their old
hopelessly idiotic, but always utterly irre-
sistible style ; and then Lieutenant W. Cole
—King Cole we "crowned him long ago "—
gave his ventriloquial entertainment, who,
with his troop of talking dolls, should have
his address at Dollis Hill. There were many
"turns" yet to follow when we left, at a
comparatively early hour; "and so," to
quote old Pepys, " home with much content."

"to have and to hold."
Big promises and Party scoldings rines."
Wotft cure14 Small Savings" by4' Small Hold-

THE MARVELS OF MODERN SCIENCE.

Scene—Interior of Small Box containing
telephone with book of addresses. Enter
hurriedly Impatient Subscriber.

Impatient Subscriber {turning over leaves
of address-boolc). Of course I can't find it!
Ah ! here it is ! 142086. {Rings bell of tele-
phone, and listens with receivers to his ear.)
Now I have forgotten it! {Puts back re-
ceivers on rests, and refers again to book.
Telephone bell rings in answer. lie hurries
back and calls. One hundred and forty-two
nought eighty-six.

First Voice {from telephone). One hun-
dred and forty-two ?

Imp. Sub. Yes, and nought eighty-six.

First Voice. "Which do you want ?

Imp. Sub. Why, both.

First Voice. You can't. Must have one at
a time.

Imp. Sub. It's only one. One four two
nought eight six.

First Voice. One four two nought eight six?

Imp. Sub. Yes, please. One four two
nought eight six.

First Voice. Yery well. "Why didn't you
give the number before ?

Imp. Sub. {angrily). Well, I have given
it now. {He listens intently, exclaiming now
and again, "Are you there?" and then
rings.) One four two nought eight six,
please.

First Voice {after a pause). What!
Imp. Sub. One four two nought eight six,
please.

First Voice {as if the number is now heard
for the first time). One
four two nought eight
six P

Imp. Sub. Yes,
please. And look
sharp!
First Voice. What?
Imp. Sub. One four
two nought eight 'six.

First Voice. I hear.
One four two nought
eight six.

{The communication
is cut off for a
couple of minutes.
Imp. Sub. {for the
sixth time). Are you
there ?

Second Voice. Yes. Who is it ?

Imp. Sub. I am Bosh, Boodle & Co.

Second Voice. Bush, Peddle & Co. P

Imp. Sub. No. Bosh, Boodle & Co.

First Voice. Have you finished ?

Imp. Sub. No, no—we are still speaking. I
want to know if you have sent that case of
champagne to Bumbleton ?

Second Voice. What ? I can't hear you.

Imp. Sub. [speaking very slowly, as if dic-
tating to imperfectly educated infants). Have
—you—sent—that— case—of—cham— pagne
—to Bum—ble—ton ?

Second Voice {puzzled). Sent a case of
champagne ?

First Voice {interposing). Have you
finished ?

Imp. Sub. No, we are still speaking. Yes
—have you sent a case of champagne to
Bumbleton ?

Second Voice. Sent a case of champagne to
Bumbleton ? No; why should we P

Imp. Sub. Because you promised Tickleby
you would.

Second Voice {evidently perplexed). Pro-
mised Tickleby ?

Imp. Sub. {in a tone of reproach). Yes,
promised Tickleby.

First Voice {interposing). Have you finish ed ?

Imp. Sub. No, we are still speaking ; please

don't cut us off. {Returning to the cham-
pagne subject). Yes, you promised Tickleby
you would send the case of champagne te
Bumbleton. {With inspiration.) You are
the Arctic Wine Company, aren't you ?

Second Voice. No. I am Secretary of the
Curate's Papier Mache Church Company,

Imp. Sub. {in a tone of sorrow). Aren't
you one four two nought eight six ?

Third Voice '{coming from sonieivhere).
Mind and bring a gun with you, and-.

Second Voice. No. We are two four eight
nought six seven. Good morning !

First Voice. Have you finished ?
^Imp. Sub. {angrily). I have not begun!
You have put me on the wrong number !

First Voice {calmly). What number do you
want ?

Imp. Sub. {angrily). One four two nought
eight six.

_ First Voice. Two four two nought eight
six ?

Imp. Sub. {with suppressed rage). No, one
four two nought eight six.

First Voice. Yery well. One four two
nought eight six.

Imp. Sub. Yes, and don't make a mistake.
\_Long pause, during which he asks, " Are
you there ? " at intervah.

Fourth Voice. What is it P

Imp. Sub. Are you Arctic Wine Company ?

Fourth Voice. Yes, all right! What is it ?

Imp. Sub. {joyfully). Have you sent a
case of champagne to Bumbleton ?

Fourth Voice. What ? I can't hear you.

First Voice, {^interposing). Have you
finished ?

Imp. Sub. No, we are still speaking. Have
you sent a case of champagne to Bumbleton ?

Fourth Voice. We can't hear you. Send a
messenger.

First Voice. Have you finished P

Imp. Sub. {shouting). Yes! {Is cut off.)
Shorter to have done so at once !
[Uses intemperate language, and hurries off
to get a Messenger. Curtain.

THE CHURLISH CABMAN.

k\R—" Ballyhooley."
The Cabman's

thrifty fares,
Who would

seek subur-
ban airs,
Desire, of

course, a more

extended

"radius; "
But, Cabby, it

is clear,
Thinks quit*

otherwise. 1

fear

The contro-
versy's grow-
ing rather
"taydious."
Whether by night or day,
A fair fare the fare should pay,
And Cabby should not overcharge un-
duly ;

But this is what riles me,
When churl Cabby will not see
A would-be fare, but just ignores him
coolly.

Chorus.

" Hi! hi! Cab ! Hi ! " Oh, no!

On the sullen brute will go ;

When he wants a fare, he's clamorous and

unruly;
But if he wants a drink, >
With a. sneer or with a wink.
He '11 rumble on and just ignore you coolly.

vol. cu.

p