Punch (102.1892)

June 11, 1892.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 277

other wonders, and inform Sacristan that their own Cathedrals
" ain't in it." "Look at the value of the things they've got 'ere,
you know," they say to me, clucking, and then depart, after asking
Sacristan the nearest way to the Zoo.

At Table d'hote.—Fellow-countrymen to the fore; "both my im-
mediate neighbours English, but neither shows any inclination to
converse. Rather glad of it; afternoon of Museums and Galleries
instructive—but exhausting. Usual Chatty Clergyman at end of
table, talking Guide-book intelligently; wife next him, ruminating
in silence and dismally contemplating artificial plant in a plated pot
in front of her. It is a depressing object—but why look at it?
Horror of two Sportsmen opposite on being offered snipe. "Snipe
now—Great Scott!" they exclaim, "And ain't they high too?"
One helps himself to some, with a sense that being on the Continent
makes all the difference. But even his courage fails on being offered
stewed apricots with it. Close by a couple of Americans; a dry
middle-aged man, and a talkative young fellow who informs him he
was at Harvard. Elder man listens to him with a grim and wooden
forbearance. " Ez fur languages," the younger man is saying. " I'd

A DAY AT ANTWERP.

[By the " Vacuus Viator,")

In the Place Verte.-—"The traveller," according to Baideker,
" should at once direct his steps to the Cathedral." Not going _ to
be bullied by Baideker! Shall assert my'independence by directing
steps somewhere else first. Carillon tinkling fitfully up in tower.
Like an elderly ghost with failing memory, trying to play every
tune she ever knew all at once on a cracked old spinnet. Fancy I
detect fragment of " The Heavens are Telling" tripped up by the
" Old Hundredth,''1 and falling over u Haydn's Surprise." Ghost
tries back, and just as she seems about to arrive at something
definite—suddenly gives it up as hopeless. To Church of St. Paulus,
to see the Calvary. Small but highly intelligent Belgian Boy, who
speaks English, insists on volunteering services. (Why aren't our
street-boys taught French and German in Board Schools ?—make all
the difference to foreigners in London.) Boy takes me up avenue
of heroic-sized scriptural statues, introduces me to " Moise," "Dahvit

mit de 'arp," and others. Kind of him—but I wish he would go. | undertake to learn any language inside of six months. F'r enstance,
Offer him twopence. Boy declines with in- I got up Trigonometry in two. You '11 tell me

dignation. Young Belgium evidently high- iSlllllllfe^ that *sn'^ a lan8'uag'e> an<i that's so, but take

minded and sensitive. He informs me that, in a wfPllilllfe Latin now, I'd learn Latin—to write and speak

certain church he refers to as " Sin Yack," there ^^^^^^P —*n a year- Italian I'd learn in a fortnight—

are " Rubens'peecture—moch fine," and plainly ^^^^^^^f with constant study, you understand. Then

proposes to conduct me thither. Mustn't hurt ^plp there's German. Well, I cann't read German—

his feelings again—so accept. Boy clumps on |K &m not in their German text, I cann't, and I don't

ahead, down alleys, and through back-streets, W; , .^TV" x—ts, speak it with fluency, but I can ask my way

and round corners, looking round severely at ^ffe' f f \ ufK. *n ^' an<^ orc^er anything / want, and I reckon

intervals to see that I am not giving him the slip. ^flll^^^wr ' ''^VvfirX ^at 's about as much as a man requires to know

Nice friendly little fellow—but despotic. Don't 6mM\vW i \ °^ an^ ^^-S^S6- Will you take a glass of

seem to be much nearer; " Sin Yack" evidently iMIJMmivi- \]\ \§!V\ wine outer my bottle? I've another coming

a saint of retiring disposition ... At last. Boy '^Ww'C i1 ! I \ w 4> along." Elder man declines stiffly, on plea that

points him out triumphantly. Thank him, with ^^^M'M% ' \\\\w* \ he is almost a teetotaller. " Well, maybe you're

apologies for taking him so much out of his way. ItoI^^^I | ; t | V f wise," says the Harvard man, "but I've dis-

Boy demands two francs. Hint, as delicately as 1^^^^^^- ■ §! I' "frC ) covered a thing that '11 put you all right in the

possible, that I consider this estimate of the ^ /' 'Fvr morning when you've eaten or drunk more'n's

value of his time and society somewhat high. ^W^tf^^^ ill/ \ good for you overnight. I '11 tell you what that

Boy peremptory. Give him fifty centimes. Boy JUr j J thing is. It's justpersly—plain ordinary simple

abusive; follows me with uncomplimentary re- W^Pfesg-Jj" / // / 'A persly. You eat a bimch o' fresh persly first

marks. I can not go about Antwerp all day with \\ \ ^p^^^z ^ y thing you get up, and it don't matter what you've

a hostile boy harassing my rear like this! So V\ <r -jX Js taken, you'11 feel just as bright!" Elder man,

undignified. However, shall find sanctuary with |k "^s wh° has been cutting up his chicken into very

"Sin Yack." Every door closed. Bov at a dis- ^^^^l^g^^W^X small pieces, looks up and says solemnly, "You

tance—chuckling, I am afraid. Shall walk on SH^vW HK&ls^ti ma^ cons^er yourself vurry "fortunate in being

—not hurrying, but briskly. Boy gone at last able to correct the errors you allude to by a means

—thank goodness ! — with Parthian- yelp of | frag|>||^\ which is at once so efficacious and so innocent."

"Rosbif!" J - i^fK^jf ; IjP&^il: After which he subsides into his salad. Harvard

In the Cathedral.—Being shown round by tPMiI^ man s^u^up*

Sacristan, in company with two respectable : I \\ |»J\^r,' I l^wRj In the Fumoir.—Two drearily undecided men

young Britons. "You shee dot oltarbiece, gentle- -----. fl^\v • • i trying to make up their minds where to go next.

mens," says Sacristan, "paint by Rtjbens, in ' * " ~- |jj|HNwM ' ffl|Sii§|1 Shall they stay at Antwerp for a day or two, or

seexteen day, for seexteen hondert florin." " HallliTOl"^ go over to Brussels, or go back to Calais and stay

Whereupon both Britons make a kind of " cluck" iS^^KM HR^rt^""—^ there, or what f Calais is on their way home,

with their tongues. " Dat vos von hondert florin ✓ ra^wi -, anyhow," says one, and the other, without

efery day he vas paint," explains the Sacristan. " ^ ' ^S^^^— N attempting to deny this, thinks "there maybe

Britons do this division sum in their heads, „ ~^*r^S ~^^^^^m!/l7 ) more to see at Brussels." " Not more than there

check it as correct, and evidently feel in- _ -—-^^^^ssm&' is here," says his friend; " all these places much

creased respect for Rubens as capable—for <-^^3KTi>' ""^^—* ^r~- • about the same." " Well," says the first, yawn-

an artist—of driving a good bargain. "Rubens , ^^!«%[jJJ"-^r^~- / -£ Cp ing, " shall we stay where we are?" " Just as

baint him ven he vas seexteen,"* which younger —> y ^'j A Vou please," says the other. " No; but what

Briton considers "very creditable to him, * would you rather do?" ... "Me? oh, I'm

too!" They inspect the High Altar, with more "Rosbif!" entirely in your hands!" First man, who has

clucks, _ and inform one another, with the had Green Chartreuse with his coffee and seems

snappish, annoyed at this, and says, " it's dam nonsense going on like
that." " Oh," says the second, "then you leave it to me—is that
it ? " " Haven't I been saying so all along ! " growls the other. Second
Undecided Man silent for a time, evidently forcing himself to come
to a decision of some sort. At last he looks up with relief. " Well"
he says, very slowly, " what do you think about it ? " Whereupon
they begin all over again. This indecision is catching—leave them.

In the Street—about 1T30 p.m.—Back from Variety Theatre.
Hotel doors closed. Have rung several times—no result at present.
Curious impression that I shall be hauled up before a Dean or some-
body for this to-morrow and fined or gated. Wish they'd let me in
—chilly out here. Is there a night-porter ? If not—awkward.
Carillon again from Cathedral tower. Ghost has managed to recollect
a whole tune at last, picking it out with one finger. Seem to have
heard it before—what the Dickens is it? Recognise it as the
"Mandolinata in E." Remember the Yokes Family dancing to it
long ago in the Drury Lane Pantomime. Not exactly the tune one
would expect to meet in a Cathedral . . . Unbolting behind doors.
Nervous feeling. Half inclined to assure Porter penitently that this
shall not occur again. Wish him good-night instead—pleasantly.
Porter grunts—unpleasantly. Depressing to be grunted at the last
thing at night. To bed, chastened.

air of Protestants who are above prejudice, that it's a marvellous
piece o' work, though, mind yer! Sacristan points out holes
underneath choir-stalls. " De organ is blay over dere, and de
mooshique he com out hier troo de 'oles, so all be beoples vas vonder
vere de schounds com from! " First Briton remarks to me that
"That's a rum start, and no mistake." I agree that it is arum
start. I shall find myself clucking presently, I know! " Haf you
scheen yed de bortraits of Glatshtone and Lort Bagonspeldt ? "
Sacristan _asks us "... 1 No ? ' then I show you." He leads us up
to the finial of one of the stalls, which is carved in the figure of a
monk, "Is not dat de Ole Grandt Man himself?" he asks,
triumphantly. Second Briton agrees "It's a wonderful likeness,
reelly." His Companion admits " They 've got old Gladstone there
to a t "—but adds that " come to that, it might do for either of 'em."
"Lort Bagonspeldt" is opposite, but, as Sacristan observes, would
be more like " if dey only vas gif him a leedle gurl on de vorehead."
Next we are taken to the Retro-Choir and shown the " moshgurious
and peautiful bainting in de ole Cathedrale. Schtand yust hier,
Gentelmens, now you see him. Beoples say, ' Oh, yais, ve know,
yust a marble-garvings—a baw relefl!' I dell you, nodings of de
kindt. All so flat as a biece of vite baper—com close op. Yat you
tink ? Yonderful, hey?" Britons deeply impressed by this and

VQL. cn.