Punch (102.1892)

January 9, 1892.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

15

With yer bits o' sticks permiskus in a barrer,
or a truck,

I can tell yer yon feels lost like, and fair down
upon yer luck.

Heviction ? When you re stoney-broke, your

dubs all hup the spout,
And you 'ye nix to raise the rent on, I suppose

you must turn hout;
'Cos without them "rights o' proputty " no

country couldn't jog;
But that brings a cove small comfort when

e's 'ouseless, in a fog !

I 'ave knocked about amiddlin' little bit, you
bet I 'ave,

And I ain't what Barber Biddlecombe would

call " a heasy shave " ;
But these Sanitary codgers give me beans,

and no mistake.
I am fly to most all capers, but don't tumble

to their fake.

Seems to me all sentimental jor and cold

chuck-out, it do.
They may call their big Committees, and may

chat till all is blue,
But to shift me till they gives me somethink

sweeter is all rot; [in the pot.

Better leave my garret winder, and the flower

That gerenum there looks proper; which I

bought it of a bloke
What does the "All a-blowin'!" with a

barrer and a moke ; [jolly sure

And though tuppences is tuppences, I ain't so
As to spend two-d. upon it were to play the

blooming cure-

Nocky Spriggins did chi-ike me, Reglar

nubbly one is Nock,
With about as much soft feelink as a blessed

butcher's block.
He'd a made a spiffing Club Swell if he 'd ony

'ad the chink,
With them lips like a ham sandwidge, and

them eyes as never blink.

And I ain't no softy, neither, bet your

buttons. That don't pay,
For you're 'bliged to keep yer eyes peeled

and to twig the time o' day ;
But I've got a mash on flowers; they are

better than four 'arf,
Them red blazers in my winder ; so letNocKY

'ave his larf!

Nocky tells me that the Westry means a-clearin' hout our place
For to make a bit o' garding, wot they calls a Hopen Space,

0 I know the sort o' fakement, gravel walks, a patch o' grass,
And a sprinkle of young lime-trees of yer Thames Embankment class.

Some bloke spots the place as likely, and praps buys it on the cheap,
(Spekylators keeps their lids hup though the parish nobs may sleep,)
Pooty soon the pot's a-bilin' about Hopen Spaces. Yus!
And the chap as bought the bit o' ground is fust to raise the fuss.

Recreation for the People, Hopen Playgrounds for the Young !
That's the patter of the platformers; and don't they jest give
tongue!

Well, it's opened with a flourish, and there 's everyone content;
Pertiklerly the landlords round as nobbles better rent.

But J don't object to gardings, not a mossel—t'other quite;
As I've said, a bit of green stuff and a flower is my delight;

1 wish London wos more hopen, and more greener, and more gay ;
Only people down our Court has got to live as well as play.

If they clears out the arf acre where we huddles orful close,
We must all turn out, that's certain; where we '11 turn to, goodness
knows;

And it won't be werry spashus, the new "Park" won't, arter all.
With the graveyard railinks one side, and on t'other a blank wall.

Wot we want is decent 'ouses, at a rent as doesn't take
'Arf a cove's poor screw to pay it. That's the present landlord's
fake !

If they only knowed 'ow 'ard it is to meet " Saint Monday" square,
When yer 'ealth is werry middlin', and the jobs is werry rare!

P'raps them Dooks, and Earls, and Marquiges, and Kernels, wot
they states

Has just clubbed theirselves together to keep down the bloomin' Rates,



mT

T-[Gli|fl

i !

i 1

TAKING HIM RATHER TOO LITERALLY.

Sir Biggan Burleigh (who doesn't see why he shouldn't have a turn in his own house, to very
young Lady). "Miss Violet,—Round or Square?"

Miss Violet (her first ball, very bashful). " Well—really—Sir Burleigh—if you insist—
I should say"—(hesitating)—"decidedly Round!"

And to smash the Kounty Kouncil, as they've bunnicked the Skool
Board,

Jest a few of their hodd moments to our naybrood might afford.

They must 'ave a feelink 'art towards the poor, and no mistake,
Or they wouldn't take sech trouble for the poor Ratepayers' sake,
Nocky Spriggins sez it 'minds 'im of a League of Loving Cats
To purtect from traps and pizen the poor mice and starvm' rats.

Jest like Nocky's narsty way that is! But if them Dooks would try
To assist the Kounty Kouncil in their new Committee—wy, [mock,
They might 'elp our Health and Housing in a style as none could
Give the proud " Pergressives" what-for, and fair put the shut on
Nock.

Arter all yer Public Garding's little better than a chouse, _
While the landlord rents yer heart out for a wretched Privit 'Ouse.
And yer Hopen Space's pootiness ain't much good to our sort,
Who are shut up in the dismal dens called 'Omes, gents, down our
Court.

Oh, Philanterpists, and Sanitrys, and Dooks, I do not mean
To be rucking upon Charity, or rounding on wot's clean ;
But {/*yer wants to 'elp us as has lived so long in muck,
The only thing wot's wanted ain't to give us the clean—chuck !

'Arry Examined.

Q. What is meant by "Higher Education" ?
Arry. Getting a Tutor at so much a week. That's the way I
should 'ire education—if I wanted it.

A Definition.—"A pun on a word is a new sense" — Dr.
Johnson, Junior.