DOI Heft:
January 16, 1892
DOI Seite / Zitierlink: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17693#0037
January 16, 1892.]
PUNCH, OK THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
27
A VOLUNTARY CONTRIBUTION."
Philistine Wife. "Your Paper isn't at all Amusing just now. But there, I must confess it is not easy tj be either
Funny or "Witty every Week."
Journalist (much worried). "No, my dear, much easier to be alavays Dull and Prosaic every Evening."
[Re was about to add a personal illustration, hut as, fortunately, he didn't, the subject dropped.
Like the nursery Jack-a-dandy, oh !
I may " love plum-cake and candv," oh !
But tarts and toffies, or sweets of office,
Seem not—at present—for Grandy, oh !
Well, I chucked them up,—was it nous or
pique ?
Is the prodigal worst of ninnies ?
The fatted calf, and the better half
Of his father's love—and guineas,—
May fall to his share as he homeward hies,
When the husks have lost their flavour.
My calf ? Well, it does not greet my eyes,
And I don't yet sniff its savour.
I'm a prodigal Grandy-Pandy, oh !
Retired from Mashona-landy, oh!
I'm left like a laggard. Grim Ruder
Haggard [oh!)
(Whose fiction is " blood-and-brandy,"
Says Africa always comes handy, oh !
For " something new." It sounds
grandy, oh!
But a telling new plot I'm afraid is not
The fortune of Grandy-Pandy, oh!
Did they miss me much ? Well, I fancy not;
(Though a few did come to greet me ;)
The general verdict's "A very queer lot! "
Nor is Sol in a hurry to meet me.
He does not spy me afar off. No !
He would rather I kept my distance ;
And if to the front I again should go,
'Twon't be with his assistance.
He deems me a troublesome Grandy, oh'
In political harness not handy, oh !
I am out of a job, while Balfour is a nob,
That lank and effeminate dandy, oh !
Well, a prodigal son may be "sandy," oh!
I am off for a soda-and-brandy, oh !
And a " tub " at my Club, where I'm sure
of a snub
From the foes of returning Grandy, oh !
THE CROSS-EXAMINER'S YADE MECUM.
Question. Have you a right to ask any
question in Court ?
Answer. Certainly, and the questioning is
left to my discretion.
Ques. What do you understand by discre-
tion ?
_ Ans. An unknown quality defined occa-
sionally by the Press and the Public.
Ques. Is the definition invariably the
same ?
Ans. No, for it depends upon the exi-
gencies of the Press and the frivolity and
fickleness of the Public.
Ques. Were you to refrain from ques-
tioning a Witness anent his antecedents,
and subsequently those antecedents be-
coming known, his evidence were to lose the
credence of the papers, what would be said
of you ?
Ans. That I had neglected my duty.
Ques. Were you to question a Witness
on his past, and, by an interruption of the
trial, that Witness's evidence were conse-
quently to become superfluous, what would
then be said of you ?
Ans. That I had exceeded my duty.
Ques. Is it an easy matter to reconcile the
interests of your clients with the require-
ments of Public Opinion.
Ans. It is a most difficult arrangement,
the more especially as Public Opinion is
usually composed of the joint ideas of hundreds
of people who know as much about law as
does a bed-post.
Ques. In the eyes of Public Opinion, whose
commendation is the most questionable ?
Ans. The commendation of a Judge, because
it stands to reason (according to popular ideas)
that a man who knows his subject thoroughly
must be unable to come to any definite de-
cision as to its merits.
Ques. And in the eyes of the same authority,
whose commendation is the most valuable ?
Ans. In the eyes of Public Opinion the
most valuable commendation would come
from a man who is absolutely ignorant of
everything connected with a Counsel's prac-
tice, but who can amply supply this possible
deficiency bv writing a letter to the papers
and signing himself Fair Play."
Ques. Is there any remedy for setting right
any misconception that may have occurred as
to the rights and wrongs of cross-examiners ?
Ans. Yes, the Public might learn what the
business of a cross-examiner really is.
Ques. I see, and having done this, can you
recommend anything further ?
Ans. Having learned a cross-examiner's
business, the Public might then have time to
attend—to its own !
PUNCH, OK THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
27
A VOLUNTARY CONTRIBUTION."
Philistine Wife. "Your Paper isn't at all Amusing just now. But there, I must confess it is not easy tj be either
Funny or "Witty every Week."
Journalist (much worried). "No, my dear, much easier to be alavays Dull and Prosaic every Evening."
[Re was about to add a personal illustration, hut as, fortunately, he didn't, the subject dropped.
Like the nursery Jack-a-dandy, oh !
I may " love plum-cake and candv," oh !
But tarts and toffies, or sweets of office,
Seem not—at present—for Grandy, oh !
Well, I chucked them up,—was it nous or
pique ?
Is the prodigal worst of ninnies ?
The fatted calf, and the better half
Of his father's love—and guineas,—
May fall to his share as he homeward hies,
When the husks have lost their flavour.
My calf ? Well, it does not greet my eyes,
And I don't yet sniff its savour.
I'm a prodigal Grandy-Pandy, oh !
Retired from Mashona-landy, oh!
I'm left like a laggard. Grim Ruder
Haggard [oh!)
(Whose fiction is " blood-and-brandy,"
Says Africa always comes handy, oh !
For " something new." It sounds
grandy, oh!
But a telling new plot I'm afraid is not
The fortune of Grandy-Pandy, oh!
Did they miss me much ? Well, I fancy not;
(Though a few did come to greet me ;)
The general verdict's "A very queer lot! "
Nor is Sol in a hurry to meet me.
He does not spy me afar off. No !
He would rather I kept my distance ;
And if to the front I again should go,
'Twon't be with his assistance.
He deems me a troublesome Grandy, oh'
In political harness not handy, oh !
I am out of a job, while Balfour is a nob,
That lank and effeminate dandy, oh !
Well, a prodigal son may be "sandy," oh!
I am off for a soda-and-brandy, oh !
And a " tub " at my Club, where I'm sure
of a snub
From the foes of returning Grandy, oh !
THE CROSS-EXAMINER'S YADE MECUM.
Question. Have you a right to ask any
question in Court ?
Answer. Certainly, and the questioning is
left to my discretion.
Ques. What do you understand by discre-
tion ?
_ Ans. An unknown quality defined occa-
sionally by the Press and the Public.
Ques. Is the definition invariably the
same ?
Ans. No, for it depends upon the exi-
gencies of the Press and the frivolity and
fickleness of the Public.
Ques. Were you to refrain from ques-
tioning a Witness anent his antecedents,
and subsequently those antecedents be-
coming known, his evidence were to lose the
credence of the papers, what would be said
of you ?
Ans. That I had neglected my duty.
Ques. Were you to question a Witness
on his past, and, by an interruption of the
trial, that Witness's evidence were conse-
quently to become superfluous, what would
then be said of you ?
Ans. That I had exceeded my duty.
Ques. Is it an easy matter to reconcile the
interests of your clients with the require-
ments of Public Opinion.
Ans. It is a most difficult arrangement,
the more especially as Public Opinion is
usually composed of the joint ideas of hundreds
of people who know as much about law as
does a bed-post.
Ques. In the eyes of Public Opinion, whose
commendation is the most questionable ?
Ans. The commendation of a Judge, because
it stands to reason (according to popular ideas)
that a man who knows his subject thoroughly
must be unable to come to any definite de-
cision as to its merits.
Ques. And in the eyes of the same authority,
whose commendation is the most valuable ?
Ans. In the eyes of Public Opinion the
most valuable commendation would come
from a man who is absolutely ignorant of
everything connected with a Counsel's prac-
tice, but who can amply supply this possible
deficiency bv writing a letter to the papers
and signing himself Fair Play."
Ques. Is there any remedy for setting right
any misconception that may have occurred as
to the rights and wrongs of cross-examiners ?
Ans. Yes, the Public might learn what the
business of a cross-examiner really is.
Ques. I see, and having done this, can you
recommend anything further ?
Ans. Having learned a cross-examiner's
business, the Public might then have time to
attend—to its own !