Punch (102.1892)

January 23, 1892.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVAEL

37

THE COVERT
GARDEN MASQUE.

Mumming ■— masking' —
masquerading ;

Fanning — fun - fanf aro-
nading;

Dancing;—dun cing—deft
disguises;

Singing — supping —
strange (sur) prizes;

Galloping and gallivant-
ing

Couples much, in need of
Banting ; [up

All the customary make-

Clark son's customers
can fake up;

All the little childish
raiment,

Fatties don ■— for sylph
and fay meant;

Tally-hos and Hey-no-
nonnies:

Jackies—Jillies—Jennies
—Johnnies-•

Barber's blockhead—no-
thing dafter—

Heralding " Before and
After " :

" Auntie's Bottle Hot"—
a phial

Onlyf or external trial-

Gems of London—gems of
Paris—

Arid gusts —^Augustus
Harris—

Splitting mirth — some
garbs that split, too—

Aching heads next morn-
ing, ditto!

To be Avoided.—An
Intemperate tone by a
Temperance lecturer.

Benevolent Stranger. "Allow me, Sir, to offer you a Drink!"

Unfortunate Sportsman (just old of Brook). "Thanks; but I 've had a Drop too

much already 1 "

RESPECTABILITY.

[" What is Respecta-
bility ? "—Daily Telegraph,
Jan. 12.]

It 's having money at the
Bank.

It's being a personage of
rank.

It's having spent three
years at College

With great, or little, gain
of knowledge.

It's going to Church
twice every Sun-
day,

And keeping in with Mrs.

Grundy.
It's clothes well-cut, and

shiny hat,
And faultless boots, and

nice cravat.
ItmaybeLaw,or Church,

or Ale,
Or Trade—on a sufficient

scale.

It's being " something in

the City."
It's carefully to shun

being witty.
It's letting tradesmen

live on credit.
It's "Oof "—to earn it,

or to wed it.

Professor Jolly, of
Berlin, who, if his name
express his disposition,
ought to be a follower of
Mark Tapley, reckons
that twenty-five per cent,
of the inmates of asylums
have been inebriates. Is
the Professor " Jolly well
right ? "

A DIALOGUE OF THE EUTURE.

Scene—Rooms of a Cambridge Tutor.
Persons—A Tutor and an Undergraduate.

Tutor. I understand you were at Newmarket yesterday. Is that so ?
Undergraduate. It is. I was.

Tutor. A shameless avowal. Are you aware that you have broken

one of the disciplinary regulations of
your College ? I fear I must punish
you severely. Have you anything to say
why sentence should not be passed upon
you. [Assumes the black College Cap.
Undergraduate. Yes, Sir, I have.
Tutor. Then say it at once.
Undergraduate. I went to Newmarket

to see- [Hesitates.

Tutor. Proceed, Sir. Time presses,
You went to see what ?

Undergraduate. As a matter of fact, I
was particularly anxious to see the Head
of the University.

Tutor. What do you mean, Sir ?
Undergraduate. The chief Dignitary
of Cambridge, the Chancellor, the Duke
of Devonshire.

Tutor. You are trifling with me.
Undergraduate. Not at all, Sir. The
Chancellor was there in state. I saw
him. My curiosity was satisfied, and I
returned to Cambridge.

Tutor (after a pause). Ah, of course
that alters the case. If you can assure me you did not go for the

purpose of watching horse-races-

Undergraduate (breakmg in). Certainly, Sir. I do give you the
assurance.

Tutor. That being so, I dismiss you with a caution.

[Exit Undergraduate. The Tutor is left pondering,

vol. cii. i

ANOTHER RURAL CONFERENCE.

[A Church Dignitary, writing to The Globe, suggests that the rural reform
most urgently needed is a better postal system in the shires.]

Radical Reformer (meeting Rural Labourer tramping to London).
Yours is a typical ease, my man. You are a victim of our insensate
Land Laws, or exploded Feudalism. No doubt you are leaving
the country because you could not find employment there ?

Rural Labourer. "Tisn't that so much. Old
Gaffer always had summat for a man to do, I
can tell ye.

Radical Reformer. Glad to hear it, though
it's unusual. Then I suppose it is the intoler-
able dulness of the country that drives you
away from it.

Rural Labourer. 'Tisn't that either. Things
be a bit dull in winter - time, cert'nly. But
there—we've a Public, also a Free Reading
Room, and——-

Radical Reformer (disappointed). Glad to @|p|ipi|iil
hear it, again, I 'in sure, though that also is
unusual. Your house, now—rather, I ought to call it, your hovel,
perhaps—lets in the rain badly—reeks with damp—only one room,
and that a pigstye, eh ?

Rural Labourer (offended). Come now, don't you call my house a
pigstye ! Three good rooms, and not a bit o' damp or dirt about it.

Radical Reformer. Then the wages are low, and a tyrannical
landlord refuses allotments, eh?

Rural Labourer. Allotments ! I could have as many as I wanted
for the asking. But there—I didn't want 'em, y' see, and I
didn't ask.

Radical Reformer (gravelled). Then would you explain to me'what
is the real reason of your determination to quit the country for Town ?

Rural Labourer (surprised). Why, don't you know? There ivas
only one collection and one delivery of letters daily! I couldn't
stand that, of course. I expect I shall find more in Lunnon.
Good-day!