Punch (102.1892)

January 23, 1892.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHAEIVAR1.

Cartel lltrahtg.

Born, July 15, 1808. Died, Jan. 14, 1892.

One more great Voice gone silent! Friends
or foes,

None well could watch that long life's gentle
close

"Without a softening thrill.
A valiant champion of the faith he held,
No conflict ever his strong courage quelled,

Or shook his steadfast will.

Yet, were that all, some well might turn
away

With custom's passing courtliness, to-day,

And bid a cold farewell
To the great priest, shrewd marshaller of men,
Subtle of verbal fence with tongue or pen,

Ascetic of the cell.

But there was more; and many a hundred
hearts,

"Who not in cleric conflict played their parts,

"Will mourn him well and long,
Friend of the poor, apart from creed or clique,
And ardent champion of the struggling weak
Against the selfish strong.

Toiler for Temperance, hastener on of Light,
In many a fray where right's at odds with
might,

Might's foes will miss their friend.
Farewell F _ It moves the common heart to
The crowning of so glorious a career [hear

By such a gracious end !

The Sanitary Congress at Venice.—Mrs.
Ram's Nephew was talking on this subject,
when his Aunt was heard murmuring to her-
self, "I stood in Venice on the Bridge of
Sighs; " then she looked up, and repeating
the last word,-observed, ""Well, it never
struck me before, often as I've heard that
line quoted. But what an extraordinary
thing to make a bridge of ! I suppose it was
painted over first, because I know that's how
' size' is commonly used."

A NEW FORM OF D. T.

The Irish Curate {to the New Vicar). "That poor Man, Sir, has always got a Skele-
ton just in Front of him that Follows him about wherever he goes !"

THE BOXING IMBROGLIO.

Oh, Slavin, Frank Slavin, you'd fain be a whacker
Of Sullivan, John, but you can't find a backer,
"While Sullivan, biggest of Yankee big fellows,
Blows froth all the time from his own patent bellows.
"WeU, fight if you must; I am sure you '11 fight fair ;
Bag his wind if you can, Frank, but don't beat the air.

ONLY FANCY !

Mr. Chaplin has, we hear, entered with native enthusiasm into
his mission to the Agricultural Labourer. It was [entirely his own
idea. "The Liberals have their Rural Conferences," he said at a
recent Cabinet Council, " and we should do something of the same
kind; only we must go one better. Of course the delegates liked
their trip to London (expenses paid, their free breakfast, their shake
of Mr. Gladstone's hand, and the opportunity of gazing on the
supple form of Mr. SciiNADnoRST. That's all very well for them.
But think of the hundreds of thousands green with jealousy because
they weren't selected for the trip ? These are all ripe to vote for
us at the General Election if only delicately handled. What you
want is a man of commanding presence, unfailing tact, a knowledge
of horses, and some gift of oratory. If no one else occurs to you, I '11
go." No one else did occur to the mind of the Cabinet. So the
Minister of Agriculture set forth on his missionary enterprise.

We have been gratified by the receipt of many tokens of interest
and appreciation elicited by our paragraph last week, reporting the
state of the household markets. One takes the form of a parcel of
Russian tongues. " These," writes our esteemed Correspondent (we
omit complimentary preface), " should before cooking be soaked for
a week in cold water, and then boiled for a day." We are not dis-
posed to spoil a ship for a ha'p'orth of tar, and shall improve upon
these generous instructions. Having spent a week and a day in
personally directing the preliminary process, we intend to grill the
tongues for thirty-six hours, fry them for an afternoon, stew them

for two days, hang them out of the window for five hours, and then
bray them in a mortar. We fancy what is left will be worth eating.

Rymond has been reading, with much interest, Hened's account
of how he got the Influenza, and what he did with it. Apparently
the first thing to do is, to " send for a thermometer," (as others would
send for a Doctor), and. take it to bed with you. _

"Evidently," Hened writes last week m his journal, "when a
person does not feel well, he should try his temperature, and, if it be
abnormally high, he should go to bed, and stay there until it comes
down." — "Of course," Rymond observes, with rare lapse into
cynicism, " when the bed comes down, he is bound to go."

MATRIMONY LP TO DATE.

[The Defendant in a recent breach of promise case wrote to his intended,
" When we are married you will have to sit with me when I am queer."]

Dear Ladies, who contemplate marriage,
And imagine you '11 ride in a carriage,
With a house of your own, and your servants to wait for you,
I'm afraid there's a totally different fate for you.
When the word has been said, and the honeymoon's over,
And you 're safely returned, say, from Folkestone or Dover,

If you see your hub ailing,

And painfully paling,
And you wish to be off, and not linger about him,
But enjoy to the full your new freedom without him,

Remember, remember,

From Jan. to December,
You must tie yourselves down, and be constantly near

With the pill-box and posset,

And all that may cosset
That bore of a husband, whenever he 's queer.

Cela va Sans Dire.—In reply to the Salvationists' Solicitors, an
opinion was given, signed by Sir Charles Russell, with Wit.
Why drag in Wit? When Charles Russell's name appears,
the wit is taken for granted.