Punch (102.1892)

January 30, 1892.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

51

THE IMPERIAL JACK-IN-THE-BOX.

A Song for the Shouting Emperor.
Air—" The Major-General."

1 am the very pattern of a Modern German
Emperor, [to temper, or

Omniscient and omnipotent, I ne'er give way

If now and then I run a-muck in a Malay-
like fashion, [purpose in my passion.

As there's method in my madness, so there's

'lis my aim to manage everything in order
categorical—■ [historical.

My fame as Cosmos-maker I intend shall be

I know they call me Paul Pry, say I 'm
fussy and pragmatical—■

But that's because sheer moonshine always
hates the mathematical.

I'm not content to "play the King" with an
imperial pose in it—

Whatever is marked "Private" I shall up
and poke my nose in it.

All.

He won't let drowsing dogs lie, he '11 stir up

the tabby sleeping Tom—
In fact, he is the model of a modern German

Peeping Tom!

I bounce into the Bail-Room when they think
I'm fast asleep at home,

And measure steps and skirts and things and
mark what state folks keep at home ;

Watch the toilette of young Beauty on the
very strictest Q.T. too,

Evangelise the Army and keep sentries to
their duty, too,

On the Navy, and the Clergy, and the Schools,
my wise eyes shoot lights, Sir.

I'm awfully particular to regulate'the foot-
lights, Sir.

I preach sermons to my soldiers and arrange

their " duds " and duels, too,
And tallow their poor noses, when they've

colds, and mix their gruels, too;
I '11 make everybody moral, and obedient,

and frugal, Sir—
In fact I'm an Imperial edition of

McDougall, Sir!

All.

He'd compel us to drink water and restrain
ua when to wed agog ; [pedagogue.
In fact he is the model of a Modern German

I've all the god-like attributes, omniscient,

ubiquitous, [commonly iniquitous.

I mean to squelch free impulse, which is
But what's the good of being Chief Inspector

of the Universe,
And prying into everything from pompous

Law to puny verse, [tendency
If everything or nearly so, shows a confounded
To go right of its own accord f My Masterful

Resplendency [gaze on trustingly

Would radiate aurorally, a world would
If only things in general wouldn't go on so

disgustingly. [autocratical,
Where is the pull of being Earth's Inspector
When the Progress I'd be motor of seems

mainly automatical ?

All.

Hooray! My would-be Jupiter, a parvenu

is told again
He's not the true Olympian, Jack-in-the-

Box is "Sold Again! !!"

SO CONVENIENT!

Young Wife. "Where are you going, Reggie bear?"
Reggie Dear. "Only to the Club, my Darling."

Young Wife. "Oh, I don't mind that, because there's a Telephone there, and
I can Talk to you through it, can't I?" Reggie. "Y-yes—but—ee—you know,

the confounded WlRES are always getting out of order ! "

PARLIAMENT A LA MODE DE PARIS. President This is too much! If I hear

another word of insult, 1 will assume my hat.

Scene— The Chamber during a Delate of an [Profound and long-continued agitation,

exciting character Member with a news- Memler, A hat is better than a turned

paper occupying the Tribune. coat, {Thunders of applause.) I say that

Member. I ask if the report m this paper this paper is full of wholesome things, and

is true ? It calls the Minister a scoundrel! that when it denounces the Minister as a

[Frantic applause, good-for-nothing, as a slanderer, as a thief

President. I must interpose. It is not right —it does but its duty,

that such a document should be read • [Descends from the Tribune amidst tumul-

■ Artificial Oyster-Cultivation," read j hand'this' trutlteUhigsheet! [Slwuts^ ^ZfluZit^ ti^ut

Mrs. R., as the heading of a par in the Times. "Well done!-) This admirable journal Grand aU^catwn, with results.

" Good gracious! " she exclaimed, "who on describes the Minister as a trickster, a man Ministers Friends. Yv hat have you done

earth would ever think of eating ' artificial without a heart! [Yells of approbation, to him? , . ,

oysters!' " President. I warn the Member that he is Minister [with dignity). I have avenged

" going too far. He is outraging the public mY honour-I have hit him in the eye !

Nothing is certain in this life except! conscience. ["Hear! hear!" [Scene closes in upon the Minister receiving

Death, Quarter Day and stoppage for ten , Member. It is you that outrage the public hearty congratulations from all sides of

minutes at Swindon Station. I conscience. [Sensation. . the Chamber.