DOI Heft:
February 6, 1892
DOI Seite / Zitierlink: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17693#0075
February 6, 1892.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 65
vows. So, if I thought there was any chance of—well, say-
Mr. Culchard-
Miss P.'s V. [indignant). Maud! how can you? That odious
hypocritical creature! If you knew how I despised and-!
Miss T.'s V. Well, my dear, he's pretty paltry—but we '11 let
him go at that—I guess his shares have gone down considerable all
round.
Cidch. Podburt, I—I—this conversation is evidently not intended
for—for other—ears. I don't know whether you have heard enough,
I shall go down !
Podb. [with a ghastly chuckle). Like your shares, eh, old chap ?
And mine too, for that matter. Well, I'm ready enough to go.
Only, for goodness' sake, let's get away without being seen !
[They slip softly doivn the series of inclined planes, and out to the
steps, where they re-embark. As their gondola pushes off,
Mr. Trotter and Bob Prendergast appear from the Museum.
Mr. T. Why, land sakes! ain't that Mr. Podburt and Mr. Cue-
chard p Hi! You ain't ever going away ? There's my darter and
Miss Hypatia around semewhere.—They '11 be dreadful disappointed,
to have missed you!
Podb. [with an heroic attempt at cheeriness). We—we 're awfully
disappointed to have missed them, Mr. Trotter. Afraid we can't
stop now! Goodbye !
[Culchard pulls his hat-brim over his eyes and makes a sign to the
gondoliers to get on qiiickly ; Mr. Trotter comments with audible
astonishment on their departure to Bob, who preserves a discreet
silence.
A PALMY DAY AT ST. RAPHAEL.
Villa Magali.—Delicious climate! Stuart-Rendel says it "re-
minds him of Devonshire, without the damp." Mention of Devon-
shire reminds me of the Duke. Try to point out to my friends that
the Rossendale Election shows conclusively- Curious ! Friends
all get up and go out! Seems that Andrew Clarke specially told
them I was to "avoid all excitement, over-exertion, and talk about
politics! " Wish Clarke would not be so unreasonable. Must talk
about Rossendale to somebody.
Off to Hyeres—to see Child ers. Find Chillers tolerably chatty.
Doesn't seem to care so much about Rossendale result as I should
have expected. Stuart-Rendel comes to fetch me. Ahem! Off.
At Monte Carlo.—Feel so well, have looked in here. Meet
Wells, the " Champion Plunger." Asks me if I've got a system ;
he's " been losing heavily, and would be glad of any hint." Suggest
his putting on the numbers of Rossendale Majority. Wells seems
pleased at idea. Does so at once, and loses 10,000 francs straight off.
Meet him in grounds afterwards, and try to explain real significance
of Rossendale election. Wells disappears. Curious! Can Andrew
Clarke have got at Wells ?
Oolfe San Juan.—French war-ships in Bay. Admiral might like
to know my views on Rossendale and politics generally. Taken on
board. _ Admiral much interested in Maden's victory, Admiral
asks if it was the " Grand Prix11 that Maden won ? Find he thinks
Maden is a horse. Disappointing. [ Query—Andrew Clarke again ?]
Sent on shore in boat, amid cheers from sailors. Gratifying.
Back to St. Raphael.—Tired, but on the whole gratified with my
day. Friends pained to hear what I've done, and threaten to
telegraph for Sir Andrew ! ShaU pack up and return. Letter
from Morley begging me to stay where I am. Odd! Can Sir
Andrew have got at John Morley ? Bed, and think it over.
Brother Brush, A.R.A.—Stan' up, Stanhope Forbes! and
receive our congratulations on your election. Stan-hope deferred
maketh the painter's 'art sick of waiting, and now A Forbes, not
The Forbes (which his name is James Staats, C. L. C. & D. R.,
&c, &c), but the Stanhope A-foresaid, has obtained his first grade.
With what pleasure will the Art-loving Chairman see his Stanhope
" on the line ! " In Burlington House, of course we mean, as else-
where, the situation would be one of n© slight danger.
"Pleased as Punch."—A paragraph in the D. T. informed
Mr. P. and the public generally, that "Dr. Robson Roose and Mr.
Allingham are contented with Mr. Edward Lawson's progress."
"If Box"—"And Cox"—"are satisfied," then of aU Mr. I. L.'s
friends in front none will be more delighted to hear of his complete
recovery than his neighbour, Mr. Punch, of 85, Fleet Street.
Something New in Soap.—The Soap Trade is still booming.
Almost every week appears a fresh candidate for public favour, its
claim based upon some alluring speciality. We hear of a newcomer
likely to take the cake (of soap). On all the walls, and in most of
the advertisement columns, will presently blaze forth its proud
legend :—" The Satisfactory Soap—Won't Wash Anything."
LEGAL IMPROVEMENTS.
In order to husband our Judicial Staff, in future a Judge
will be expected to hear two cases at the same time.
Portrait of a Judge trying a Theatrical "Cause Celebre,"
and a nice question a3 to a " remainder-man " and a "tenant
in Tail Male."
HIGH (BEEBBOHM) TBEESON !
Dear Mr. Punch,—I see that Mr. Beerbohm^ Tree in his recent
production of Hamlet has introduced a novelty into the tragedy by
inventing fresh business. Unauthorised by the text, he has included
Ophelia amongst the Court "attendants," and, finding her on the
stage, has indulged in a dignified flirtation (in dumb show), worthy of
the hero of IJ Enfant Prodigue himself. Now I think this a great
improvement, and were the masterpiece to be "written up " through-
out on the same lines, I am sure the representation would be received
with enthusiasm. It might be. that the performance would be a little
longer, but think of the enormous gain in interest. To show you
what I mean, I take the first five lines of the opening Act :—
SHAKSPEAKE'S^VERSION.
Scene I.—Elsinore. A Platform before the Castle. Francisco on
his post. Enter to him Bernardo.
Bernardo. Who's there ?
Francisco. Nay answer me: stand and unfold yourself !
This passage, furnished with proper business, might be_ rendered
the means of snowing the sort of life led by Laertes, justifying the
advice subsequently given to him by Polonius more appropriate to
the conditions of the case as now (for the first time) fully divulged,
Thus—I give my view of the matter :—
AMENDED YEIISIOJNT.
Scene I.—Elsinore. A Platform before the Castle. As the Curtain
rises, shouts and laughs are heard without. A Village Maiden
rushes in, as if pursued. She hides herself behind the sentry-
box, and then escapes. Francisco, who is on his post, looks
about, and is surrounded by Danish Gallants, toho have come in
pursuit of the Maiden. He threatens them with his arms, and
only one remains, who seems overcome by wine. The intoxicated
Gallant is masked, and evidently very much the worse for liquor.
He clumsily draws his sword. Francisco is about to despatch
him, ivhen the mask falls, and in the dissipated reveller the
Sentry recognises the bloated features of Laertes. He imme-
diately presents arms, as Laertes is his superior officer. Laertes,
half-sobered by this suggestion of discipline, wishes to retire
unseen, and gives largesse to Francisco. The Sentry is greatly
gratified, when to them enters Bernardo.
Ber. Who 's there ?
Fran, {sheltering Laertes, who stealthily retires by a rope-ladder
which falls from the battlements to the moat below). Nay, answer
me. Stand and unfold yourself!
By my version I really introduce a most interesting underplot,
which, in my opinion, is equally pleasing and quite as defensible as
Mr. Beerbohm Tree's business with Ophelia.
Yours, A Stickler.
vows. So, if I thought there was any chance of—well, say-
Mr. Culchard-
Miss P.'s V. [indignant). Maud! how can you? That odious
hypocritical creature! If you knew how I despised and-!
Miss T.'s V. Well, my dear, he's pretty paltry—but we '11 let
him go at that—I guess his shares have gone down considerable all
round.
Cidch. Podburt, I—I—this conversation is evidently not intended
for—for other—ears. I don't know whether you have heard enough,
I shall go down !
Podb. [with a ghastly chuckle). Like your shares, eh, old chap ?
And mine too, for that matter. Well, I'm ready enough to go.
Only, for goodness' sake, let's get away without being seen !
[They slip softly doivn the series of inclined planes, and out to the
steps, where they re-embark. As their gondola pushes off,
Mr. Trotter and Bob Prendergast appear from the Museum.
Mr. T. Why, land sakes! ain't that Mr. Podburt and Mr. Cue-
chard p Hi! You ain't ever going away ? There's my darter and
Miss Hypatia around semewhere.—They '11 be dreadful disappointed,
to have missed you!
Podb. [with an heroic attempt at cheeriness). We—we 're awfully
disappointed to have missed them, Mr. Trotter. Afraid we can't
stop now! Goodbye !
[Culchard pulls his hat-brim over his eyes and makes a sign to the
gondoliers to get on qiiickly ; Mr. Trotter comments with audible
astonishment on their departure to Bob, who preserves a discreet
silence.
A PALMY DAY AT ST. RAPHAEL.
Villa Magali.—Delicious climate! Stuart-Rendel says it "re-
minds him of Devonshire, without the damp." Mention of Devon-
shire reminds me of the Duke. Try to point out to my friends that
the Rossendale Election shows conclusively- Curious ! Friends
all get up and go out! Seems that Andrew Clarke specially told
them I was to "avoid all excitement, over-exertion, and talk about
politics! " Wish Clarke would not be so unreasonable. Must talk
about Rossendale to somebody.
Off to Hyeres—to see Child ers. Find Chillers tolerably chatty.
Doesn't seem to care so much about Rossendale result as I should
have expected. Stuart-Rendel comes to fetch me. Ahem! Off.
At Monte Carlo.—Feel so well, have looked in here. Meet
Wells, the " Champion Plunger." Asks me if I've got a system ;
he's " been losing heavily, and would be glad of any hint." Suggest
his putting on the numbers of Rossendale Majority. Wells seems
pleased at idea. Does so at once, and loses 10,000 francs straight off.
Meet him in grounds afterwards, and try to explain real significance
of Rossendale election. Wells disappears. Curious! Can Andrew
Clarke have got at Wells ?
Oolfe San Juan.—French war-ships in Bay. Admiral might like
to know my views on Rossendale and politics generally. Taken on
board. _ Admiral much interested in Maden's victory, Admiral
asks if it was the " Grand Prix11 that Maden won ? Find he thinks
Maden is a horse. Disappointing. [ Query—Andrew Clarke again ?]
Sent on shore in boat, amid cheers from sailors. Gratifying.
Back to St. Raphael.—Tired, but on the whole gratified with my
day. Friends pained to hear what I've done, and threaten to
telegraph for Sir Andrew ! ShaU pack up and return. Letter
from Morley begging me to stay where I am. Odd! Can Sir
Andrew have got at John Morley ? Bed, and think it over.
Brother Brush, A.R.A.—Stan' up, Stanhope Forbes! and
receive our congratulations on your election. Stan-hope deferred
maketh the painter's 'art sick of waiting, and now A Forbes, not
The Forbes (which his name is James Staats, C. L. C. & D. R.,
&c, &c), but the Stanhope A-foresaid, has obtained his first grade.
With what pleasure will the Art-loving Chairman see his Stanhope
" on the line ! " In Burlington House, of course we mean, as else-
where, the situation would be one of n© slight danger.
"Pleased as Punch."—A paragraph in the D. T. informed
Mr. P. and the public generally, that "Dr. Robson Roose and Mr.
Allingham are contented with Mr. Edward Lawson's progress."
"If Box"—"And Cox"—"are satisfied," then of aU Mr. I. L.'s
friends in front none will be more delighted to hear of his complete
recovery than his neighbour, Mr. Punch, of 85, Fleet Street.
Something New in Soap.—The Soap Trade is still booming.
Almost every week appears a fresh candidate for public favour, its
claim based upon some alluring speciality. We hear of a newcomer
likely to take the cake (of soap). On all the walls, and in most of
the advertisement columns, will presently blaze forth its proud
legend :—" The Satisfactory Soap—Won't Wash Anything."
LEGAL IMPROVEMENTS.
In order to husband our Judicial Staff, in future a Judge
will be expected to hear two cases at the same time.
Portrait of a Judge trying a Theatrical "Cause Celebre,"
and a nice question a3 to a " remainder-man " and a "tenant
in Tail Male."
HIGH (BEEBBOHM) TBEESON !
Dear Mr. Punch,—I see that Mr. Beerbohm^ Tree in his recent
production of Hamlet has introduced a novelty into the tragedy by
inventing fresh business. Unauthorised by the text, he has included
Ophelia amongst the Court "attendants," and, finding her on the
stage, has indulged in a dignified flirtation (in dumb show), worthy of
the hero of IJ Enfant Prodigue himself. Now I think this a great
improvement, and were the masterpiece to be "written up " through-
out on the same lines, I am sure the representation would be received
with enthusiasm. It might be. that the performance would be a little
longer, but think of the enormous gain in interest. To show you
what I mean, I take the first five lines of the opening Act :—
SHAKSPEAKE'S^VERSION.
Scene I.—Elsinore. A Platform before the Castle. Francisco on
his post. Enter to him Bernardo.
Bernardo. Who's there ?
Francisco. Nay answer me: stand and unfold yourself !
This passage, furnished with proper business, might be_ rendered
the means of snowing the sort of life led by Laertes, justifying the
advice subsequently given to him by Polonius more appropriate to
the conditions of the case as now (for the first time) fully divulged,
Thus—I give my view of the matter :—
AMENDED YEIISIOJNT.
Scene I.—Elsinore. A Platform before the Castle. As the Curtain
rises, shouts and laughs are heard without. A Village Maiden
rushes in, as if pursued. She hides herself behind the sentry-
box, and then escapes. Francisco, who is on his post, looks
about, and is surrounded by Danish Gallants, toho have come in
pursuit of the Maiden. He threatens them with his arms, and
only one remains, who seems overcome by wine. The intoxicated
Gallant is masked, and evidently very much the worse for liquor.
He clumsily draws his sword. Francisco is about to despatch
him, ivhen the mask falls, and in the dissipated reveller the
Sentry recognises the bloated features of Laertes. He imme-
diately presents arms, as Laertes is his superior officer. Laertes,
half-sobered by this suggestion of discipline, wishes to retire
unseen, and gives largesse to Francisco. The Sentry is greatly
gratified, when to them enters Bernardo.
Ber. Who 's there ?
Fran, {sheltering Laertes, who stealthily retires by a rope-ladder
which falls from the battlements to the moat below). Nay, answer
me. Stand and unfold yourself!
By my version I really introduce a most interesting underplot,
which, in my opinion, is equally pleasing and quite as defensible as
Mr. Beerbohm Tree's business with Ophelia.
Yours, A Stickler.