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February 13, 1892.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

81

bit of work in it, and I was in the atelier when a gem-cutter shaved
away the top of the stone, and copied your head of Prosperine on it
from a Sicilian coin. I can show you a coin of the same stamp in
my collection."

And he showed me it, otherwise I might have remained incre-
dulous. "These scarabs," he went on, ' are from Birmingham, I
know the glaze. That gold Egyptian ring, Queen Taia's do you
say, is Coptic, Cairo is full of them. That head of Cjesar is a copy
from the one in the British Museum."

" Why, it is rough with age," I said.

"Ay, they've stuffed it down a turkey's crop, and it has got
rubbed up in the gravel with which the ingenious bird assists the
process of digestion. A man who could swallow that gem is a goose."

1 am presenting my esteemed collection of ancient engraved stones
to my nephew at school, who shows all the character of the collector.
He may swop them for bats, or tarts, or he may learn wisdom from
the misfortunes of his uncle.

IN TILLS STYLE, SIX-AND-EIGHTTENCE.

Mr. Badgerer,Q.C. (rising to cross-examine). Then you assert that
the golden dinner-service which we are inquiring about was in your
possession on the evening of July 26th at half-past eight o'clock ?

Plaintiff. I do.

Mr. Badgerer, Q. C. And that when you went to take them out of
the strong-box at 9'15 for your party they had disappeared ?
Plaintiff. Quite so.

Mr. Badgerer, Q. C Pardon my suggesting such a thing, but I
am instructed to ask you whether, when you paid £800 to the rate-
collector for arrears of rates on the very next day, you had not
obtained that sum by selling a portion of this gold plate yourself ?

The Judge. Beally, Mr. Badgerer, this won't do at all. " Legal
bullying " is a thing of the past, and I shall have to commit you for
contempt if you make these unworthy suggestions to the Witness.

Mr. Badgerer, Q.C. But, m'Lud, the whole point of the defence
is that the Plaintiff himself sto-

The Judge (hastily interposing). -Sh! You must not talk like

that, llerneniber that "the floor of the Court is not the same thing
as the interior of a coal-barge."

Mr. Badgerer, Q.C. (sulkily). Very well. But I really don't
know how I am to conduct my case if your Ludship intervenes to
check me. (To Witness.) I can ask you this at any rate. Did you
or did you not run up to Town by an early train the morning after
the robbery p

Plaintiff. Certainly I did. I went to see my tailor, in Bond Street.

Mr. Badgerer, Q, C. And why did you, then, go all the way from
Bond Street to the City, eh ?

Plaintiff (gravelled). My Lord, I must appeal for protection. The
question is a bullying one.

The Judge. Oh, certainly ! Counsel has no right to ask such
things. He ought to take the charitable view of your actions, and
suppose that you went to the City for a mid-day chop, or because
you wanted to look at St. Paul's, or something of that kind. We
must really try and conduct our business as nobly as we can.

Mr. Badgerer, Q.C. (pleasantly). '" Que Messieurs les assassins
conimencent!'" Then we will presume that your predilection for
City chops is so great, that you went a couple of miles out of your
way to get one, and that your reason for dropping in at the estab-
lishment of Messrs. Blank, Goldsmiths, and. offering them half-a-
dozen dessert-plates-

The Judge (interrupting). Oh, really, this is not at all-

Plaintiff. Quite the reverse. I won't stay here to be insulted by
anybody! [Exit hurriedly.

Mr. Badgerer, Q.C. I am afraid the Police Officers who are wait-
ing outside to arrest our friend who has just left the box will also be
denounced as " legal bullies." But after all one can't cross-examine
a rogue on rosewater principles. And if we Barristers sometimes do
make things rather rough for innocent Witnesses, by dragging out
unpleasant incidents in their careers, or suggesting some that never
occurred, by so acting we provide a powerful inducement to people to
avoid having such unpleasant incidents to be dragged out. And if the
fear of cross-examination prevents actions being brought, it thereby
also prevents would-be litigants ruining themselves in law expenses.
With submission, m'Lud, and if your Ludship pleases, I would say
that we " legal bullies" are public benefactors in disguise.

The Judge. There's something in what you say, Mr. Badgerer.
But the disguise need not be so complete as it is. I suppose it's a
verdict for the Defendants ? With costs, yes. Gentlemen of the
Jury, I can't sufficiently express my sense of the nobility of your
conduct in listening to the evidence as you have done—though,
of course, if you had not listened, I should have committed you all
for contempt in double-quick time—and you will now return a
verdict for the Defendants. [Left sitting.

"The Travelling Companions."—No. XiVL next week.

LEGAL IMPROVEMENTS.

another saving.

During the Adjournment, their Lordships will assist in the
Refreshment Department.

Thirsty Attorney. "Not too much Froth on, my Lud ! "

TO POLICE CONSTABLES SMEETH AND TAPPIN.

[In endeavouring to capture a gang of burglars at Greenwich, these two
constables were dreadfully battered. But they kept up the pursuit until the
ruffians were secured.]

Your hand, Mr. Tappin, your hand, Mr. Smeeth .
To the men who protect us we offer no wreath.
They face for our sakes all the rogues and the brutes,
Getting cracks from their bludgeons and kicks from their boots.

They are battered and bruised, yet they never give in,
And at last by good luck they may manage to win.
Then, their heads beaten in all through scorning to shirk,
Scarred and seamed they return without fuss to their work.

0 pair of good-plucked 'uns, ye heroes in blue,
As modest as brave, let us give you your due.
Though we cannot do much, we '11 do all that we can,
Since our hearts throb with pride at the sight of a Man.

Mr. Smeeth you 're a man, Mr. Tappin's another ;
Mr. Punch—pray permit him—henceforth is your brother.
We are proud of you both, and we '11 all of us cheer
These Peelers from Greenwich who never knew fear.

MORE BONES TO PICK WITH THE SCHOOL BOARD.

We see there has been some churlish cavilling in some quarters
because the School Management Committee of the London School
Board passed a requisition in November last, sanctioning the purchase
of an articulated skeleton for the Belleville Road School, at the very
reasonable sum of £8 16s. Why make any bones about the matter ?
What more ornamental and indeed indispensable article of school-
furniture than a human skeleton nearly six foot high ? Still, should
the past system of expenditure be continued in the future, 3Ir. Punch
would suggest that excellent and infinitely cheaper substitutes for
skeletons will be found in the persons of the rate-payers themselves.

Cupid's Tennis-Courts. —Under the heading "Tennis in the
Riviera," the Daily Telegraph recently gave us some important
news, which should'largely influence the Matrimonial Market. The
names of Ladies and Gentlemen, both '' singles " (a not strictly gram-
matical plural, by the way, but what's grammar in a game of
Thirty to Love P) were given. There was, however, no mention of
" ties " or of matches to come.

A Correspondent Signing Himself " Mincing Lane " writes,
—"Sir,—The Saturday Review complained of Mr. Tree's gait as
Hamlet, 'which,' said the Critic, 'reminds one too much of Agag.'
Most cutting comparison for an actor sticking rigidly to the
Shakspearian text! If there were interpolations in the text of Mr.
Beerbohm Tree's own introduction, then indeed he might remind
them of A-gag ; that is, if he were continually a-gagging.—M. L."

New Book.—Soon -may be expected, A Guide to the Unknown
Tongs, by the Author of A Handbook to Poker.
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