DOI Heft:
February 13, 1892
DOI Seite / Zitierlink: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17693#0093
84 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [February 13, 1892.
ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.
EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P.
ouse of Commons, Tuesday, Febru-
ary 9.—House met to-day for what,
the Sage of Queen Axxe's Gate
tells me, must needs be last Session
of present Parliament. Appropri-
ately funereal air over scene and
proceedings. Usually Members
return to work in highest spirits.
Remember, in years gone by, before
the blight of neglect in high places
fell upon him, how dear old Peter
P ^il'iP1 \I\*fW Mlt S§ Rylauds enjoyed himself on these
^^i&l/iljWo y}M$Mkf im/W ^ occasions. What long strides he
^JSm/^Jlm^^M Cjf» W . used to take, bustling to and fro!
^W^''/^ • What thunderous slaps of friendly
welcome he bestowed on shrinking
shoulders! AVhat digs of deep and subtle humour he dealt to unresponsive
ribs!
If Peter were with us to-day, it is probable that even his effervescence of
natural spirits would droop under prevalent gloom. The familiar place is a
House of Mourning. Members tread softly, lest they should disturb the sick or
wake the dead. Everyone has had the influenza, fears he is going to catch it,
or mourns someone whom it has snatched away.
"When Speaker took Chair and business commenced, a glance round crowded
benches brought back memory of much that has happened in the Recess.
" 'Tis not alone this inky cloak, good Toby, worn in sign of public mourning,"
said Wilfrid Lawsox, strangely subdued; '' the House of Commons has had
its losses."
" Yes," I say, looking across at the Treasury Bench, where in the last weeks
of July we were wont to see the kindly anxious face of Old Morality, never
more to cheer us with his little aphorisms, and incite to following his pathway
of duty to his Qjjeex and country. In his place, alert, youthful, strong, with
ready smile breaking the unfamiliar gravity of face and manner, sits the
new Leader, still blushing under effect of ringing cheer that welcomed him to
his high position.
Lower down, tilled up by another, is the place whence used frequently to
arise a tall, almost gaunt, figure, which, with voice and manner indicating close
associations with the Church pulpit, read from manuscript neatly-constructed
answers designed to crush Hexxiker-Heatox. A kindly man and an able was
Raikes, who did not obtain full recognition for his administration of the office
to which he was called.
On the other side of [the i House a great gap is made by the withdrawal of
Parxell from the scene. A second, of quite other association, yawns where
genial Dick Power used to sit, and wonder what on earth he did in this galley,
when he might have been riding to hounds in County Waterford. Hartixgtox
gone, too, an unspeakable loss to gentlemen on the benches immediately behind.
Many are the weary hours they have wiled away wondering whether, at the
next backward jerk of the head of the sleeping statesman, his hat would
tumble off, or whether catastrophe would be further postponed. In Hartlxg-
tox's place sits Chamberlaix, much too wide awake to afford opportunity for
speculation on that or cognate circumstance.
In his old corner-seat, in friendly contiguity, with his revered friend on
the Treasury Bench, Graxdolph lounges contemplative. Met him earlier in
afternoon. Passed us in corridor as I was talking to the Markiss, who was
anxious to know how the dinner went off last night, at which nephew Arthur
appeared in character of the New Host at Downing Street. The Markiss looked
narrowly at Graxdolph as he passed with head hung down, tugging at his
moustache.
You remember Toby, what Heixe said of De Mttsset ? ' A young
11
man with/ a great future — behind him.' There he
goes."
"Don't you believe it, my Lord," I said, with the
frankness that endears me to the aristocracy. " You '11
make a grave mistake if you act upon that view of
Graxdolph's position."
"Ah, well," said the Markiss, a little hastily; "I
must go and see Strathedex axd Campbell about this
Portugal business."
As he strode off I thought how precise and graphic
remains Lord Lyttox's description of him, written before
he came to the Premiership:—
" The large slouching shoulder, as oppressed
By the prone head, habitually stoops
Above a world his contemplative gaze
Peruses, finding little there to praise."
Sorry I vexed him.
Some disappointment at Graxdolph's appearance.
Hoped he might do honour to occasion by presenting
himself in the attire clad in which he of late roamed
through Mashonaland. It would have been much more
picturesque than either of the uniforms in which mover
and seconder of Address are obviously and uncomfort-
ably sewn up preparatory to reciting the bald common-
place of their studiously conned lesson.
"He might at least," said Chaplix, who,"as Minister
for Agriculture, takes an interest in specimens of animal
produce, " have brought with him the skin of one of those
nine lions he shot from the oak in which Charles the
First took refuge."
Graxdolph affects not to hear this whispered remark.
It was addressed to Nicholas Wood, who, leaning over
back of Treasury Bench, laboriously explains that
Chaplix is a little mixed; that the oak-tree to which he
alludes was grown
on English ground
—wasn't it in Wor-
cestershire ? — and
therefore could not
afford a safe place
of retreat whence
lions might be
potted in Central
Africa.
"There is," said
Nicholas, empha-
tically, "no gun
made that would
carry so far."
"Pish!" said
Chaplix, somewhat
inconsequentially.
GRAXDOLPn looks
across at Front
Opposition Bench,
and wonders how
Mr. G. is enjoying
himself in the
Sunny South.
'' Younger than any
of 'em," Grax-
dolph admits,
No gun made would carry so far." « 0(jd thaj. with a
general sweeping away of the Leaders in their places
last Session, only he should be left. Expect he '11 see us
all out."
"Order! order!"
"Tis the voice of the Speaker. I thought he 'd com-
plain.
"Notices of Motion!" he calls, in sonorous voice.
Then the dreary business begins, Milhax having all the
fun to himself as he pulls a lucky number out of the
Ballot Box, and Members rise in long succession, giving
notice of interminable Bills and Motions, just as they
did at the beginning of last Session, when Hartixgtox
slept on the Front Opposition Bench, when Old Morality
fidgetted uneasily in the seat of Leader, and when
Parxell stood with his back to the wall in Committee
Room No. 15.
Truly axd Reelly.—Why didn't they at once elect
Cottox, Alderman, Poet, and Haberdasher, for the office
of City Chamberlain, without waiting for a show of hands
and the rest of it ? Of course Cottox ought to have been
elected right off the reel.
{j^* NOTICE.—Rejected Communications or Contributions, whether MS., Printed Matter, Drawings, or Pictures of any description, will
in no case be returned, not even when accompanied by a Stamped and Addressed Envelope, Cover, or Wrapper. To this rule
therj will be no exception,
ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.
EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P.
ouse of Commons, Tuesday, Febru-
ary 9.—House met to-day for what,
the Sage of Queen Axxe's Gate
tells me, must needs be last Session
of present Parliament. Appropri-
ately funereal air over scene and
proceedings. Usually Members
return to work in highest spirits.
Remember, in years gone by, before
the blight of neglect in high places
fell upon him, how dear old Peter
P ^il'iP1 \I\*fW Mlt S§ Rylauds enjoyed himself on these
^^i&l/iljWo y}M$Mkf im/W ^ occasions. What long strides he
^JSm/^Jlm^^M Cjf» W . used to take, bustling to and fro!
^W^''/^ • What thunderous slaps of friendly
welcome he bestowed on shrinking
shoulders! AVhat digs of deep and subtle humour he dealt to unresponsive
ribs!
If Peter were with us to-day, it is probable that even his effervescence of
natural spirits would droop under prevalent gloom. The familiar place is a
House of Mourning. Members tread softly, lest they should disturb the sick or
wake the dead. Everyone has had the influenza, fears he is going to catch it,
or mourns someone whom it has snatched away.
"When Speaker took Chair and business commenced, a glance round crowded
benches brought back memory of much that has happened in the Recess.
" 'Tis not alone this inky cloak, good Toby, worn in sign of public mourning,"
said Wilfrid Lawsox, strangely subdued; '' the House of Commons has had
its losses."
" Yes," I say, looking across at the Treasury Bench, where in the last weeks
of July we were wont to see the kindly anxious face of Old Morality, never
more to cheer us with his little aphorisms, and incite to following his pathway
of duty to his Qjjeex and country. In his place, alert, youthful, strong, with
ready smile breaking the unfamiliar gravity of face and manner, sits the
new Leader, still blushing under effect of ringing cheer that welcomed him to
his high position.
Lower down, tilled up by another, is the place whence used frequently to
arise a tall, almost gaunt, figure, which, with voice and manner indicating close
associations with the Church pulpit, read from manuscript neatly-constructed
answers designed to crush Hexxiker-Heatox. A kindly man and an able was
Raikes, who did not obtain full recognition for his administration of the office
to which he was called.
On the other side of [the i House a great gap is made by the withdrawal of
Parxell from the scene. A second, of quite other association, yawns where
genial Dick Power used to sit, and wonder what on earth he did in this galley,
when he might have been riding to hounds in County Waterford. Hartixgtox
gone, too, an unspeakable loss to gentlemen on the benches immediately behind.
Many are the weary hours they have wiled away wondering whether, at the
next backward jerk of the head of the sleeping statesman, his hat would
tumble off, or whether catastrophe would be further postponed. In Hartlxg-
tox's place sits Chamberlaix, much too wide awake to afford opportunity for
speculation on that or cognate circumstance.
In his old corner-seat, in friendly contiguity, with his revered friend on
the Treasury Bench, Graxdolph lounges contemplative. Met him earlier in
afternoon. Passed us in corridor as I was talking to the Markiss, who was
anxious to know how the dinner went off last night, at which nephew Arthur
appeared in character of the New Host at Downing Street. The Markiss looked
narrowly at Graxdolph as he passed with head hung down, tugging at his
moustache.
You remember Toby, what Heixe said of De Mttsset ? ' A young
11
man with/ a great future — behind him.' There he
goes."
"Don't you believe it, my Lord," I said, with the
frankness that endears me to the aristocracy. " You '11
make a grave mistake if you act upon that view of
Graxdolph's position."
"Ah, well," said the Markiss, a little hastily; "I
must go and see Strathedex axd Campbell about this
Portugal business."
As he strode off I thought how precise and graphic
remains Lord Lyttox's description of him, written before
he came to the Premiership:—
" The large slouching shoulder, as oppressed
By the prone head, habitually stoops
Above a world his contemplative gaze
Peruses, finding little there to praise."
Sorry I vexed him.
Some disappointment at Graxdolph's appearance.
Hoped he might do honour to occasion by presenting
himself in the attire clad in which he of late roamed
through Mashonaland. It would have been much more
picturesque than either of the uniforms in which mover
and seconder of Address are obviously and uncomfort-
ably sewn up preparatory to reciting the bald common-
place of their studiously conned lesson.
"He might at least," said Chaplix, who,"as Minister
for Agriculture, takes an interest in specimens of animal
produce, " have brought with him the skin of one of those
nine lions he shot from the oak in which Charles the
First took refuge."
Graxdolph affects not to hear this whispered remark.
It was addressed to Nicholas Wood, who, leaning over
back of Treasury Bench, laboriously explains that
Chaplix is a little mixed; that the oak-tree to which he
alludes was grown
on English ground
—wasn't it in Wor-
cestershire ? — and
therefore could not
afford a safe place
of retreat whence
lions might be
potted in Central
Africa.
"There is," said
Nicholas, empha-
tically, "no gun
made that would
carry so far."
"Pish!" said
Chaplix, somewhat
inconsequentially.
GRAXDOLPn looks
across at Front
Opposition Bench,
and wonders how
Mr. G. is enjoying
himself in the
Sunny South.
'' Younger than any
of 'em," Grax-
dolph admits,
No gun made would carry so far." « 0(jd thaj. with a
general sweeping away of the Leaders in their places
last Session, only he should be left. Expect he '11 see us
all out."
"Order! order!"
"Tis the voice of the Speaker. I thought he 'd com-
plain.
"Notices of Motion!" he calls, in sonorous voice.
Then the dreary business begins, Milhax having all the
fun to himself as he pulls a lucky number out of the
Ballot Box, and Members rise in long succession, giving
notice of interminable Bills and Motions, just as they
did at the beginning of last Session, when Hartixgtox
slept on the Front Opposition Bench, when Old Morality
fidgetted uneasily in the seat of Leader, and when
Parxell stood with his back to the wall in Committee
Room No. 15.
Truly axd Reelly.—Why didn't they at once elect
Cottox, Alderman, Poet, and Haberdasher, for the office
of City Chamberlain, without waiting for a show of hands
and the rest of it ? Of course Cottox ought to have been
elected right off the reel.
{j^* NOTICE.—Rejected Communications or Contributions, whether MS., Printed Matter, Drawings, or Pictures of any description, will
in no case be returned, not even when accompanied by a Stamped and Addressed Envelope, Cover, or Wrapper. To this rule
therj will be no exception,