DOI Heft:
February 20, 1892
DOI Seite / Zitierlink:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17693#0102
February 20, 1892.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHAEIVAEI.
93
same place whilst the century was young. Still further in the shade
Pitt joined the group.
" Well at least he was even younger when he came to our place,"
Pam whispered in Dizzy's ear, startling him as he inadvertently
touched his cheek with the straw he still seems to hold in his teeth,
as he did when John Leech, was alive.
Prince Arthur, facing the crowded Opposition Benches, of coiirse
saw nothing of this; lounged and listened smilingly as the Squire,
having shaken up Jokim and his one-pound notes, went off to Exeter
to pummel the Makkiss.
Business clone.—Address moved.
Wednesday.—Evidently going to he an Agricultural Lahourer's
Session. Small Holdings Bill put in fore-
front of Programme. District Councils
hinted at. In this situation it was stroke
of genius, due I believe to the Markiss,
that such happy selection was made of
Mover of Address.
"It's trifles that make up the mass,
my dear nephew," the Markiss said, when
this matter was being discussed in the
Recess. " No detail is so small that we can
afford to omit it. It was a happy thought
of yours, perhaps a little too subtle for some
intellects, to associate Chaplin with Small
Holdings. In this other matter, let me
have my way. Put up Hodge to move the
Address. It will be worth 10,000 votes in
the agricultural districts. I suppose he
wouldn't like to come down in a smock
frock with a whip in his hand ? Don't
know why he shouldn't; quite as reason-
able as a civilian getting himself up as a
Colonel or an Admiral. With Hodge in a
smock frock moving the Address we 'd
sweep the country. But that I must leave
to you; only let us have Hodge."
So it was arranged. But Member for
Accrington wouldn't stand the smock-
frock. Insisted upon coming out in war-
like uniform. Trousers a little tight about 0rator Hod (in mufti)
the knees, and jacket perhaps a trine too
tasselly. But made very good speech in the circumstances.
Business done.—Bills brought in by the half hundred.
Thursday Night.—Things been rather dull hitherto. House as it
were lying under a pall, "Every man," as O'Hanlon says, "not
knowing what moment may be his next." Still on Debate on
Address. When resumed to-night, Chamberlain stepped into
ring and took off his coat. "When Members saw the faithful Jesse
bring in sponge and vinegar-bottle, knew there would be some sport.
Anticipation not disappointed. Joe in fine fighting form. AYent for
the Squire op Malwood round after round; occasionally turned to
aim a "wonner" at his "Eight Hon. Eriend" John Morley.
Conservatives delighted ; had always thought just what Joe was say-
ing, but hadn't managed to put their ideas into such easily fleeting,
barbed sentences. Only once was there any shade on the faces of
the country gentlemen opposite. That spread when Joe proposed to
quote the lines of Churchill."
"No, no," said Lord Henry Bruce in audible whisper, "he'd
better leave Grandolph alone. Never' knew he wrote poetry. If
he did, there's lots of others. Why, when we 're going on so nicely,
why drag in Churchill ? "
Depression only momentary. Conservative cheers rose again and
again as Joe, turning a mocking face, and shaking a miaatory fore-
finger at the passive monumental figure of the guileless Squire of
Malwood, did, as JonN Morley, with rare outburst of anger, pre-
sently said, from his place in the centre of the Liberal Camp,
'' denounce and assail Liberal principles, Liberal measures, and his
old Liberal colleagues.
After this it was nothing that, some hours later, O'Hanlon, rising
from a Back Bench, and speaking on another turn of the Debate,
should observe, in loud voice, with eye fixed in fine frenzy on the
nape of the Squire's neck, as he sat on the Front Bench with folded
arms, " I do not believe in the Opposition Leaders, who have split
up my Party, and are now living on its blood."
Business done.—Joseph turns and rends his Brethren.
Friday Night.—In Commons night wasted by re-delivery of
speeches made last year by Irish Members pleading for amnesty for
Dynamitards. John Redmond began it. No Irish Member could
afford to be off on this scene, so one after another they trotted out
their speeches of yester-year.
Lords much more usefully occupied in discussing London Fog.
Middleton moved for Royal Commission. Markiss drew fine dis-
tinction. "What you really want to remedy," he said, " is not the
fog itself, but its colour." Rather seemed to like the fog, per se, if
only his particular fancy in matter of colour gratified. Didn't
mention what colour he preferred; but fresh difficulty looming out
of the fog evident. Tastes differ. If every man is to have his own
particular coloured fog, our last state will be worse than the first.
Business done.—None.
AN INFLUENZA SONG.
Am—" Oh, we're all noddhi'."
Oh, we've none coddlin',
Cod, cod, coddlin';
Oh, we've none coddling
At our house at home I
Ha!—my Father has a cough—
Now—my Mother has a wheeze ;
What! ! my Brother has a pain
In forehead, arms, chest, back and knees.
So—we've three coddlin', &c.
How my eldest Sister aches
From her forehead to her toes !
And my second Brother's eyes
Are weeping either side his nose.
So—we've five coddlin', &c.
There's my eldest Brother down
With a pain all round his head,
Ah! I'm the only one who's up—
Oh! . . . Oh! . . . I'll go to bed,!
So—were 're all coddlin', &c.
As the Doctor orders Port,
Orders Burgundy, Champagne,
Good living and good drinking,
Why we none of us complain,
While we 're—all coddlin',
Cod, cod, coddlin',
While we 're all coddlin'
At our house at home !
By a Small Western.—Orientals take off
their shoes on entering a Mosque. We re-
move our hats on entering a Church. Both
symbolical; one leaves his understanding
outside; the other enters with a clear head.
HORACE IN LONDON.
To the County Council. (Ad Rexpublicam.)
New vessel, now returning ship
Erom this thy tried and trial trip,
Refit in dock awhile : I fear
Your ballast looks a trifle
queer.
Your rigging ("rigging" is a
word
By other folk than seamen heard)
Has got a little loose; you need
An overhaul, you do indeed.
Your sails (or purchases ?) should
stay
The stress—and Press—that on
_ them weigh:
This constant playing to the
gods
Will scarcely weather blus-
tering odds.
In vain to blazon "London's
Heart"
As figure-head, if thus you part
Unseaworthy; in vain to boast
Your "boom"—a cranky boom
at most.
We rate you, we who pay your rates:
Beware the overhauling fates,
Beware lest down you go at last
The sport and puppet of the blast.
I always voted you a bore,
But never quite so much before
Besought you with a frugal mind
To sail not quite so near the wind.
Mrs. R Again.—To our excellent old lady, being convalescent, her niece was reading
the news. She commenced about the County Council, the first item in the report being
headed, "An Articulated Skeleton." " Ah!" interrupted the good lady, "murder will
out! And where did they find the skeleton of the Articulated Clerk ? "
93
same place whilst the century was young. Still further in the shade
Pitt joined the group.
" Well at least he was even younger when he came to our place,"
Pam whispered in Dizzy's ear, startling him as he inadvertently
touched his cheek with the straw he still seems to hold in his teeth,
as he did when John Leech, was alive.
Prince Arthur, facing the crowded Opposition Benches, of coiirse
saw nothing of this; lounged and listened smilingly as the Squire,
having shaken up Jokim and his one-pound notes, went off to Exeter
to pummel the Makkiss.
Business clone.—Address moved.
Wednesday.—Evidently going to he an Agricultural Lahourer's
Session. Small Holdings Bill put in fore-
front of Programme. District Councils
hinted at. In this situation it was stroke
of genius, due I believe to the Markiss,
that such happy selection was made of
Mover of Address.
"It's trifles that make up the mass,
my dear nephew," the Markiss said, when
this matter was being discussed in the
Recess. " No detail is so small that we can
afford to omit it. It was a happy thought
of yours, perhaps a little too subtle for some
intellects, to associate Chaplin with Small
Holdings. In this other matter, let me
have my way. Put up Hodge to move the
Address. It will be worth 10,000 votes in
the agricultural districts. I suppose he
wouldn't like to come down in a smock
frock with a whip in his hand ? Don't
know why he shouldn't; quite as reason-
able as a civilian getting himself up as a
Colonel or an Admiral. With Hodge in a
smock frock moving the Address we 'd
sweep the country. But that I must leave
to you; only let us have Hodge."
So it was arranged. But Member for
Accrington wouldn't stand the smock-
frock. Insisted upon coming out in war-
like uniform. Trousers a little tight about 0rator Hod (in mufti)
the knees, and jacket perhaps a trine too
tasselly. But made very good speech in the circumstances.
Business done.—Bills brought in by the half hundred.
Thursday Night.—Things been rather dull hitherto. House as it
were lying under a pall, "Every man," as O'Hanlon says, "not
knowing what moment may be his next." Still on Debate on
Address. When resumed to-night, Chamberlain stepped into
ring and took off his coat. "When Members saw the faithful Jesse
bring in sponge and vinegar-bottle, knew there would be some sport.
Anticipation not disappointed. Joe in fine fighting form. AYent for
the Squire op Malwood round after round; occasionally turned to
aim a "wonner" at his "Eight Hon. Eriend" John Morley.
Conservatives delighted ; had always thought just what Joe was say-
ing, but hadn't managed to put their ideas into such easily fleeting,
barbed sentences. Only once was there any shade on the faces of
the country gentlemen opposite. That spread when Joe proposed to
quote the lines of Churchill."
"No, no," said Lord Henry Bruce in audible whisper, "he'd
better leave Grandolph alone. Never' knew he wrote poetry. If
he did, there's lots of others. Why, when we 're going on so nicely,
why drag in Churchill ? "
Depression only momentary. Conservative cheers rose again and
again as Joe, turning a mocking face, and shaking a miaatory fore-
finger at the passive monumental figure of the guileless Squire of
Malwood, did, as JonN Morley, with rare outburst of anger, pre-
sently said, from his place in the centre of the Liberal Camp,
'' denounce and assail Liberal principles, Liberal measures, and his
old Liberal colleagues.
After this it was nothing that, some hours later, O'Hanlon, rising
from a Back Bench, and speaking on another turn of the Debate,
should observe, in loud voice, with eye fixed in fine frenzy on the
nape of the Squire's neck, as he sat on the Front Bench with folded
arms, " I do not believe in the Opposition Leaders, who have split
up my Party, and are now living on its blood."
Business done.—Joseph turns and rends his Brethren.
Friday Night.—In Commons night wasted by re-delivery of
speeches made last year by Irish Members pleading for amnesty for
Dynamitards. John Redmond began it. No Irish Member could
afford to be off on this scene, so one after another they trotted out
their speeches of yester-year.
Lords much more usefully occupied in discussing London Fog.
Middleton moved for Royal Commission. Markiss drew fine dis-
tinction. "What you really want to remedy," he said, " is not the
fog itself, but its colour." Rather seemed to like the fog, per se, if
only his particular fancy in matter of colour gratified. Didn't
mention what colour he preferred; but fresh difficulty looming out
of the fog evident. Tastes differ. If every man is to have his own
particular coloured fog, our last state will be worse than the first.
Business done.—None.
AN INFLUENZA SONG.
Am—" Oh, we're all noddhi'."
Oh, we've none coddlin',
Cod, cod, coddlin';
Oh, we've none coddling
At our house at home I
Ha!—my Father has a cough—
Now—my Mother has a wheeze ;
What! ! my Brother has a pain
In forehead, arms, chest, back and knees.
So—we've three coddlin', &c.
How my eldest Sister aches
From her forehead to her toes !
And my second Brother's eyes
Are weeping either side his nose.
So—we've five coddlin', &c.
There's my eldest Brother down
With a pain all round his head,
Ah! I'm the only one who's up—
Oh! . . . Oh! . . . I'll go to bed,!
So—were 're all coddlin', &c.
As the Doctor orders Port,
Orders Burgundy, Champagne,
Good living and good drinking,
Why we none of us complain,
While we 're—all coddlin',
Cod, cod, coddlin',
While we 're all coddlin'
At our house at home !
By a Small Western.—Orientals take off
their shoes on entering a Mosque. We re-
move our hats on entering a Church. Both
symbolical; one leaves his understanding
outside; the other enters with a clear head.
HORACE IN LONDON.
To the County Council. (Ad Rexpublicam.)
New vessel, now returning ship
Erom this thy tried and trial trip,
Refit in dock awhile : I fear
Your ballast looks a trifle
queer.
Your rigging ("rigging" is a
word
By other folk than seamen heard)
Has got a little loose; you need
An overhaul, you do indeed.
Your sails (or purchases ?) should
stay
The stress—and Press—that on
_ them weigh:
This constant playing to the
gods
Will scarcely weather blus-
tering odds.
In vain to blazon "London's
Heart"
As figure-head, if thus you part
Unseaworthy; in vain to boast
Your "boom"—a cranky boom
at most.
We rate you, we who pay your rates:
Beware the overhauling fates,
Beware lest down you go at last
The sport and puppet of the blast.
I always voted you a bore,
But never quite so much before
Besought you with a frugal mind
To sail not quite so near the wind.
Mrs. R Again.—To our excellent old lady, being convalescent, her niece was reading
the news. She commenced about the County Council, the first item in the report being
headed, "An Articulated Skeleton." " Ah!" interrupted the good lady, "murder will
out! And where did they find the skeleton of the Articulated Clerk ? "