DOI issue:
February 27, 1892
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17693#0117
108
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [February 27, 1892.
OUR BOOKING-OFFICE.
In Tess of the D' Urbevilles (published by Messrs. Osgood,
McIlvaine & Co.), Mr. Thomas Hardy has given us a striking
work of fiction, bold in design and elaborate in finish. _ The cha-
racters, with one exception, are as true to life as are his graphic
descriptions of nature's own scenery; true that is to the types of
such rural life as he professes to represent,—the life led in our
Christian country by thousands and thousands of genuine Pagans,
superstitious Boeotians, with whom the schoolmaster can do but little,
and the parson still less, As to the clergymen who appear in this
story, two of them are priggishly academic, a third is a comfortable
antiquarian, and the fourth unacquainted with even the A. B. C. of
his own pastoral theology.
Since Thackeray's Captain Costigan, and Ton Robertson's
dramatic variation of him as Eccles in Caste, no more original
type of the besotted, no-working working-man, has been given us
("at least, as far as I am aware," interpolates the Baron, with a
possible reservation) than Tess's father, Durhey'field. His foolish
wife, Joan, kindly in a way, a fair housewife and helpmate, yet
deficient in moral sense, is another admirably-drawn character.
The only blot on this otherwise excellent work is the absurdly
melodramatic character of that " villain of the deepest dye," Alec
jy Urbevitte, who would be thoroughly in his element in an
A Bright Particular Star in the Milky Way.
Showing how an Angel without wings played on the harp to Milkmaid Tess
of the Tubby veals, who was so proud of her calves.
Adelphi Drama of the most approved type, ancient or modern.
He is just the sort of stage-scoundrel who from time to time seeks
to take some mean advantage of a heroine in distress, on which
occasions said heroine (of Adelphi Drama) will request him to
"unhand her," or to " stand aside and let her pass ; " whereupon
the dastardly ruffian retaliates with a diabolical sneer of fiendish
malice, his eyes ablaze with passion, as, making his melodramatic
exit at the o. p. wing, he growls, " Aha! a day will come ! " or " She
must and shall be mine ! " or, if not making his exit, but remaining
in centre of stage to assist in forming a picture, he exclaims, with
fiendish glee, "Now, pretty one, you are in my power! " and so forth.
'Tis a great pity that such a penny-plain-and-two-pence-coloured
scoundrel should have been allowed so strong a part among Mr.
Hardy's excellent and unconventional dramatis persona;. Even the
very, very strong ejaculations wherein this bold bad man indulges on
the slightest provocation belong to the most antiquated vocabulary of
theatrical ruffianism. However, there he is, and all the perfumes of
the Vale of Blackmoor will not suffice for dispelling the strong odour
of the footlights which pervades every scene where this uncon-
scionable scoundrel makes his appearance. That he is ultimately
disposed of by being stuck to the heart with the carving-knife that
had been brought in for cold-beef slicing at breakfast, is some satis-
faction. But far be it from the Baron to give more than this hint
in anticipation of the tragic denoument. Some might accuse
Mr. Thomas Hardy of foolhardiness in so boldly telling ugly truths
about the Pagan Phyllises and Corydons of our dear old Christian
England ; but we, his readers, have the author's word for the truth
of what he has written, as "the fortunes of Tess of the D' Urbe-
villes, a Pure Woman,'''' are "faithfully presented," by Thomas
Hardy, and so his honour is pledged to the truth of this story which
his powers of narration have made so fascinating to a host of readers
besides the one who is a host in himself, namely,
The Baron de Book-Worms.
JUSTICE FOE JUSTICE !
Scene—A Court of Justice. Prisoner, a young man of eighteen, in
the dock, weeping bitterly. His Uncle stands before him, and
occasionally offers him smelling salts. General commiseration
amongst the spectators, many of whom are ladies armed with
opera-glasses. Police Constable under cross-examination.
Counsel for the Defence. And so, Constable, you had actually the
heart to read the warrant to the Prisoner ?
Witness. I did, Sir, in the execution of my duty.
Coun. for the Def. {scornfully). Duty! and to this he said nothing?
Wit. [in a low tone). Nothing, Sir—nothing!
Coun. for the Def. And I am not surprised ! He might well say
nothing to such an announcement! He, a Gentleman by birth—
education—everything—to be accused of forgery ! It is too cruel!
Mr. Justice Punch {courteously but firmly). I do not wish to
control the management of your case, Mr. McSlanger, but the time
for you to address the Jury has not yet arrived.
Coun. for Def. {submissive but sulky). As your Lordship pleases.
[Resumes his seat.
Usher {calling). Admiral Cutterman!
Admiral {in a low tone). Here !
[He leaves the Prisoner, first handing him the smelling salts, and
enters the Witness Box.
Council for the Prosecution {after the Witness has been sivorn). I
think you are here on subpoena served by the Treasury.
Witness {with a glance of sadness at the Dock). Had I not been
summoned to be present by those in authority, not the entreaties of
magicians would have brought me here !
Coun. for the Pros. I take it you are an unwilling Witness ?
Witness {with difficulty suppressing acute emotion). A most, a
very most unwilling Witness!
Coun. for the Def. {scornfully). Unwilling !
Coun. for the Pros, {in a tone of remonstrance). I really must beg
my learned friend to refrain from disturbing the proceedings. These
constant interruptions are most annoying.
Coun. for the Def. {with force and violence). I cannot sufficiently
express my indignation-
Mr. Justice Punch {sharply). Then do not make the attempt.
Coun. for the Def. {surlily). As your Lordship pleases. [Subsides.
Coun. for the Pros. But, in spite of being an unwilling Witness,
you undoubtedly saw the Prisoner forge your name ?
Witness {with his handkerchief to his eyes). Alas! I did !
\_A pause, during which everyone regains equanimity.
Coun. for Def. {on renewal of proceedings). And so you are the
Uncle of the Prisoner ?
Witness {sadly). Yes, I am.
Coun. for Def. Still you are here, and are pushing that poor lad
to the prison-door! {Prisoner snivels.) Yes, you are dealing him
(one of your own flesh and blood) a never-to-be-recalled injury !
Witness {plucking up spirit). Only my duty, Sir. I obey only my duty!
Coun. for Def Your duty ! Why, man, how can it be your duty ?
Mr. justice Punch {seriously). Again 1 must interpose. {To
Counsel.) Mr. McSlanger, I must once more remind you that
your business at present is to ask questions, not to make speeches.
Coun. for Def. But, my Lord, the task is a difficult one.
Mr. Justice Punch. If you find it beyond your powers, no doubt
some of your colleagues will come willingly to your assistance.
Coun. for Def. No, my Lord, I do not mean what your Lordship
means. I am quite capable of performing the duties it has been my
pleasure and pride to accept.
Mr. Justice Punch {wearily). Pray let us get on?
Coun. for Def. Do you not think it a grossly cruel and revolting
thing that a man should give evidence against his near relative ?
Witness {greatly agitated). My Lord, I appeal to you, is it fair
that I should be treated in this fashion ?
Mr. Justice Punch {emphatically). No, it is not! You are here,
Sir, in performance of a solemn duty—to assist the ends of justice in
the punishment, and consequently prevention, of crime. It is not
right that in the witness-box you should be badgered and insulted
as if you were worthy of the dock! One can feel some sympathy
with the relatives of the prisoner, because he appears to have had
respectable surroundings. But if he is convicted of forgery, it will
be his own fault! I shall accept the verdict as a proof that educa-
tion and birth are not safeguards to prevent crime. And as for you,
Sir {turning angrily to Coun. for Def.), let me tell you that you
degrade your office when you make the wig and the gown the shield
of the brute and the bully. Let us have no more of it!
Coun. for Def. {subdued but depressed). As your Lordship pleases.
Mr. Justice Punch. It does so please me, and I think that it will
equally please all my learned brothers who sit in Royal Courts to
follow my example! It is time that the Witness, as well as the
accused, received proper protection. I hope my words will be taken
to heart in another place !
[The Scene closes in on his Lordship's suggestion.
(£^> NOTICE.—Rejected Communications or Contributions, whether MS., Printed Matter, Drawings, or Pictures of any description, will
in no case be returned, not even when accompanied by a Stamped and Addressed Envelope, Cover, or "Wrapper. To this rule
titer- vail be no exception.
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [February 27, 1892.
OUR BOOKING-OFFICE.
In Tess of the D' Urbevilles (published by Messrs. Osgood,
McIlvaine & Co.), Mr. Thomas Hardy has given us a striking
work of fiction, bold in design and elaborate in finish. _ The cha-
racters, with one exception, are as true to life as are his graphic
descriptions of nature's own scenery; true that is to the types of
such rural life as he professes to represent,—the life led in our
Christian country by thousands and thousands of genuine Pagans,
superstitious Boeotians, with whom the schoolmaster can do but little,
and the parson still less, As to the clergymen who appear in this
story, two of them are priggishly academic, a third is a comfortable
antiquarian, and the fourth unacquainted with even the A. B. C. of
his own pastoral theology.
Since Thackeray's Captain Costigan, and Ton Robertson's
dramatic variation of him as Eccles in Caste, no more original
type of the besotted, no-working working-man, has been given us
("at least, as far as I am aware," interpolates the Baron, with a
possible reservation) than Tess's father, Durhey'field. His foolish
wife, Joan, kindly in a way, a fair housewife and helpmate, yet
deficient in moral sense, is another admirably-drawn character.
The only blot on this otherwise excellent work is the absurdly
melodramatic character of that " villain of the deepest dye," Alec
jy Urbevitte, who would be thoroughly in his element in an
A Bright Particular Star in the Milky Way.
Showing how an Angel without wings played on the harp to Milkmaid Tess
of the Tubby veals, who was so proud of her calves.
Adelphi Drama of the most approved type, ancient or modern.
He is just the sort of stage-scoundrel who from time to time seeks
to take some mean advantage of a heroine in distress, on which
occasions said heroine (of Adelphi Drama) will request him to
"unhand her," or to " stand aside and let her pass ; " whereupon
the dastardly ruffian retaliates with a diabolical sneer of fiendish
malice, his eyes ablaze with passion, as, making his melodramatic
exit at the o. p. wing, he growls, " Aha! a day will come ! " or " She
must and shall be mine ! " or, if not making his exit, but remaining
in centre of stage to assist in forming a picture, he exclaims, with
fiendish glee, "Now, pretty one, you are in my power! " and so forth.
'Tis a great pity that such a penny-plain-and-two-pence-coloured
scoundrel should have been allowed so strong a part among Mr.
Hardy's excellent and unconventional dramatis persona;. Even the
very, very strong ejaculations wherein this bold bad man indulges on
the slightest provocation belong to the most antiquated vocabulary of
theatrical ruffianism. However, there he is, and all the perfumes of
the Vale of Blackmoor will not suffice for dispelling the strong odour
of the footlights which pervades every scene where this uncon-
scionable scoundrel makes his appearance. That he is ultimately
disposed of by being stuck to the heart with the carving-knife that
had been brought in for cold-beef slicing at breakfast, is some satis-
faction. But far be it from the Baron to give more than this hint
in anticipation of the tragic denoument. Some might accuse
Mr. Thomas Hardy of foolhardiness in so boldly telling ugly truths
about the Pagan Phyllises and Corydons of our dear old Christian
England ; but we, his readers, have the author's word for the truth
of what he has written, as "the fortunes of Tess of the D' Urbe-
villes, a Pure Woman,'''' are "faithfully presented," by Thomas
Hardy, and so his honour is pledged to the truth of this story which
his powers of narration have made so fascinating to a host of readers
besides the one who is a host in himself, namely,
The Baron de Book-Worms.
JUSTICE FOE JUSTICE !
Scene—A Court of Justice. Prisoner, a young man of eighteen, in
the dock, weeping bitterly. His Uncle stands before him, and
occasionally offers him smelling salts. General commiseration
amongst the spectators, many of whom are ladies armed with
opera-glasses. Police Constable under cross-examination.
Counsel for the Defence. And so, Constable, you had actually the
heart to read the warrant to the Prisoner ?
Witness. I did, Sir, in the execution of my duty.
Coun. for the Def. {scornfully). Duty! and to this he said nothing?
Wit. [in a low tone). Nothing, Sir—nothing!
Coun. for the Def. And I am not surprised ! He might well say
nothing to such an announcement! He, a Gentleman by birth—
education—everything—to be accused of forgery ! It is too cruel!
Mr. Justice Punch {courteously but firmly). I do not wish to
control the management of your case, Mr. McSlanger, but the time
for you to address the Jury has not yet arrived.
Coun. for Def. {submissive but sulky). As your Lordship pleases.
[Resumes his seat.
Usher {calling). Admiral Cutterman!
Admiral {in a low tone). Here !
[He leaves the Prisoner, first handing him the smelling salts, and
enters the Witness Box.
Council for the Prosecution {after the Witness has been sivorn). I
think you are here on subpoena served by the Treasury.
Witness {with a glance of sadness at the Dock). Had I not been
summoned to be present by those in authority, not the entreaties of
magicians would have brought me here !
Coun. for the Pros. I take it you are an unwilling Witness ?
Witness {with difficulty suppressing acute emotion). A most, a
very most unwilling Witness!
Coun. for the Def. {scornfully). Unwilling !
Coun. for the Pros, {in a tone of remonstrance). I really must beg
my learned friend to refrain from disturbing the proceedings. These
constant interruptions are most annoying.
Coun. for the Def. {with force and violence). I cannot sufficiently
express my indignation-
Mr. Justice Punch {sharply). Then do not make the attempt.
Coun. for the Def. {surlily). As your Lordship pleases. [Subsides.
Coun. for the Pros. But, in spite of being an unwilling Witness,
you undoubtedly saw the Prisoner forge your name ?
Witness {with his handkerchief to his eyes). Alas! I did !
\_A pause, during which everyone regains equanimity.
Coun. for Def. {on renewal of proceedings). And so you are the
Uncle of the Prisoner ?
Witness {sadly). Yes, I am.
Coun. for Def. Still you are here, and are pushing that poor lad
to the prison-door! {Prisoner snivels.) Yes, you are dealing him
(one of your own flesh and blood) a never-to-be-recalled injury !
Witness {plucking up spirit). Only my duty, Sir. I obey only my duty!
Coun. for Def Your duty ! Why, man, how can it be your duty ?
Mr. justice Punch {seriously). Again 1 must interpose. {To
Counsel.) Mr. McSlanger, I must once more remind you that
your business at present is to ask questions, not to make speeches.
Coun. for Def. But, my Lord, the task is a difficult one.
Mr. Justice Punch. If you find it beyond your powers, no doubt
some of your colleagues will come willingly to your assistance.
Coun. for Def. No, my Lord, I do not mean what your Lordship
means. I am quite capable of performing the duties it has been my
pleasure and pride to accept.
Mr. Justice Punch {wearily). Pray let us get on?
Coun. for Def. Do you not think it a grossly cruel and revolting
thing that a man should give evidence against his near relative ?
Witness {greatly agitated). My Lord, I appeal to you, is it fair
that I should be treated in this fashion ?
Mr. Justice Punch {emphatically). No, it is not! You are here,
Sir, in performance of a solemn duty—to assist the ends of justice in
the punishment, and consequently prevention, of crime. It is not
right that in the witness-box you should be badgered and insulted
as if you were worthy of the dock! One can feel some sympathy
with the relatives of the prisoner, because he appears to have had
respectable surroundings. But if he is convicted of forgery, it will
be his own fault! I shall accept the verdict as a proof that educa-
tion and birth are not safeguards to prevent crime. And as for you,
Sir {turning angrily to Coun. for Def.), let me tell you that you
degrade your office when you make the wig and the gown the shield
of the brute and the bully. Let us have no more of it!
Coun. for Def. {subdued but depressed). As your Lordship pleases.
Mr. Justice Punch. It does so please me, and I think that it will
equally please all my learned brothers who sit in Royal Courts to
follow my example! It is time that the Witness, as well as the
accused, received proper protection. I hope my words will be taken
to heart in another place !
[The Scene closes in on his Lordship's suggestion.
(£^> NOTICE.—Rejected Communications or Contributions, whether MS., Printed Matter, Drawings, or Pictures of any description, will
in no case be returned, not even when accompanied by a Stamped and Addressed Envelope, Cover, or "Wrapper. To this rule
titer- vail be no exception.