DOI issue:
March 12, 1892
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17693#0141
132
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[March 12, 1892.
11
Ah, ah! " said Campbell-Bannerman, looking1 on from the
Front Opposition Bench, "I spy the beard of the Irish Secretary
under the muffler of the Leader of the House."
" Dear me," said Esslemont, who overheard the remark ; " I don't
remember Balfour with a beard when he was at the Irish Office.
You 're not mixing him up with Grandolph ? "
" Get thee to a nunnery, worthy draper," said Campbell-Ban-
nermau", " and in that leisurely retirement read your Shakspeare."
"A nunnery!" cried Esslemont, more than ever bewildered;
"why they wouldn't let me in. I suppose you mean a monastery ;
but man and boy for fifty years I've gone to Kirk, and nothing
would-" By this time Campbell-Bannerman was out of hearing.
Business done.—One Vote in Committee of Supply.
Tuesday.—The Markiss not in his place in Lords to-night. Looked
in at Arlington Street to inquire if absence was due to illness.
"Not at all, Toby," said the Markiss who, indeed, looked quite
fit. "There was nothing particular on the paper to-night, so I
didn't go down. It's necessary for Nephew Arthur to _ be
regular in his attendance on the Commons. But in the Lordsit's
different. A happy fortune places the Leader there in a position
that relieves him from strain of unbroken attendance. With
Stratheden and Campbell looking after foreign policy, and
Denman taking charge of home affairs, my post is really a sinecure.
They talk about ending or mending of the House of Lords; but as
long as we are blessed with this remarkable combination of legislative
and administrative capacity we can laugh at the idle threats."
It was Denman who took the floor to-night; moved Second
Beading of a Bill, the simple and comprehensive object of which was
to repeal Local Government Acts of England and Scotland. These
passed, only a Session or two ago by continuous united effort of both
Houses of Parliament. Denman been closely watching them in
operation. Finds them disappointing, and so would have them, re-
pealed. House fully constituted, with Lord Chancellor on Wool-
sack, Mace on Table, and quorum present; gravely listens, whilst
tall, white-haired, sad-faced man rambles on in plaintive voice,
urging proposition which, if carried out, would arrest machinery of
Local Government throughout the Kingdom, leaving all to be gone
over again. No one smiles, much less winks or wags the head. It is
just as solemn and as orderly as if it were the Markiss himself sub-
mitting a Resolution or making a statement. Only, when the plain-
tive voice ceases and the tall figure is reseated on the Bench, nobody
proposes to continue the conversation. Lord Chancellor rapidly
gabbles shibboleth in which " content " stumbles over " not content."
" Notcontentshaveit," says Lord Chancellor, by way of last
word; leaves Woolsack; the few Peers slowly pass out. It seems
the House has adjourned, Denman'sMotion being negatived without
Division, and Local Government in England and Scotland will
proceed to-morrow as it has gone on to-day.
Business done.—House of Commons, having agreed to meet at two
o'clock to-morrow instead of twelve, makes up for it by getting
itself Counted Out at eight o'clock,
Wednesday.—Came across Lockwood this afternoon in remote
Eart of corridor, gesticulating whilst he recited some lines. Fancy
e's getting up that lecture on the "Lawyers in Pickwick"
announced for delivery in York on the 15th. Most interesting
undertaking. As Charles Russell says, " Coke-upon-Lyttleton
will have to take a back shelf in the Law libraries when Lockwood-
xipon-Dickens is in circulation."
Wonder how he finds time for these excursions into the bye-paths
of literature ? Hands full at the Bar ; frequent attendant here ; and
yet he has time to discover Pickwick ! He tells me great secret of
capability for this kind of work is plain living and regular habits.
"A chop or steak at eight o'clock with a potato (boiled in its
jacket) and a tumbler of toast-and-water; that's my regular
dinner ; leaves me clear-headed and free for a couple of hours' work
at my briefs before I go to bed. Except when kept down at House,
rarely out of bed after eleven. Up at five ; cold bath ; dry toast;
hot milk; another grind at my briefs ; ride down to Court; at it all
day, with intervals for Abernethy biscuit when Court adjourns;
and so the mill goes round."
" Don't you think," said Bob Reid, "it's a little unprofessional
of Lockwood going into this Pickwick business ? The cases were
never, that I know of, reported in the Law Journal. Good fellow
Lockwood, but a little apt to stray outside the ropes. Now
he's started lecturing, there's no knowing how far he '11 go. We
may see him on the stage bowling Beeebohm Tree out as Hamlet,
or even with his face corked, dancing a breakdown at St. James's
Hall. What does he want to go a-lecturing for ? Do you think
he '11 draw ? "
"Draw!" I cried. "Why, he's always drawing; he's drawn
for Punch." That shut up Master Bob. When you want to hear
disparaging remarks about a man, nothing like going to his bosom
friend. Business done.—Irish.
Thursday.—Mr. G. in fine form to-night; delivered two speeches,
each in highest form of Parliamentary Debate. Infinite variety
in manner. Before dinner, Prince Arthur moved to take Morning
Sittings on Tuesdays and Fridays for rest of Session. That
means virtual appropriation on very threshold of Session of time
belonging to private Members. They furious ; Mr. G. in benignest
mood; shocked, he must confess, at Prince Arthur's unparalleled
greed; but not disposed to turn a deaf ear to his importunity.
" If you'd make it Easter, now," he said, with winning voice and
manner, "limit the scope of resolution to
that date, I'm not sure that I should feel
disposed to say you nay."
Prince Arthur jumped at proposal. Suffi-
cient unto Easter are the Morning Sittings
thereof. If he wanted more he could ask
again. Meanwhile he was in possession of
what he wanted.
House looked on in amazement at this
little scene. Opposition expected Mr. G.
would have thundered forth denunciations of
Prince Arthur's audacity. Here he was
making terms with the enemy ; doing it all,
too, with imposingly judicial manner that
was irresistible. Before House quite knew
where it was, everything was settled.
"'Now I'm furnished, Now I'm
furnished, for my flight'—of oratory."
It was Blundell Maple chanting
this line, sung in another place by
Hecate. Flight didn't amount to more
than asking question as to whether
audiences at unlicensed places of enter-
tainment (in neighbourhood of Totten-
ham Court Road or elsewhere) open for
Radical or Liberal entertain-
ments, are duly protected from
fire ? Members went off to din-
ner, pondering on this conun-
drum. Came back to find Mr. G.
" Monumental Suavity." on his legs again, denouncing
proposition to vote £20,000 for
survey of railway from Mombasa to Nyanza. A splendid piece of
invective ; almost literally shrivelled up poor Jokim, at whom some of
the scorching flame was pointed with outstretched forefinger. For
more than half an hour, at period of night when most gentlemen of
his years are snugly tucked up in bed, Mr. G. held the_audience en-
tranced, thunderous cheers rolling forth in rapid succession from Lib-
eral ranks, now and then answered by low growl from Ministerialists.
"What a man it is!" cried Keneick, looking on with monu-
mental suavity; "almost sorry he left us. Sometimes, at his best,
he equals our Joe." Business done.—A couple of Yotes in Supply.
Friday.—Bryce at last got access to
mountains in Scotland.
Been wandering round foot of them
through many Sessions, and several Par-
liaments. Always something happened to
prevent his reaching the top. Don't be-
lieve he 'd have got there to-night, only
for Farquharson.
When F. came forward to second
Motion, incidentally observing, " I'm the
proprietor of a mountain myself," we felt
something must be done, and Bryce's
Motion was agreed to.
Farquharson, for rest of evening,
object of respectful regard. Some inquiry
as to where he kept his mountain. Did he
bring it to Town with him when he came
up for the Session ? And, when at home,
was he in habit of leaving it out all
night ?
" Don't happen to have it about you, I
suppose ? " Wilfrid Lawson asked, eye-
ing his trousers' pockets.
Farquharson very reticent on subject.
Rumour, just before House adjourned,
that his mountain is one of those situated
in the Moon—but this only envy.
Business done.—Access secured to Far-
quharson's mountain and others in Scot- The Man who Owns a
land. Mountain.
Strange Charge against a Great Poet.- Lord Tennyson's
Robin Hoodh to be produced at Daly's, New York, and simulta-
neously, to secure copyright, by one performance only, at the
Lyceum. We never thought Tennyson a plagiarist before this,
but here is proof positive he's at it now, — Lord Tennyson's
robbing Hood ! !
(j^ NOTICE.—Rejected Communications or Contributions, whether MS., Printed Matter, Drawings, or Pictures ot any deaoription, will
in no case be returned, not evep wben accompanied by a Stamped and 4ti<irg88ed Envelope, Cover, or Wrapper. To this rule
then- will be no exception.
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[March 12, 1892.
11
Ah, ah! " said Campbell-Bannerman, looking1 on from the
Front Opposition Bench, "I spy the beard of the Irish Secretary
under the muffler of the Leader of the House."
" Dear me," said Esslemont, who overheard the remark ; " I don't
remember Balfour with a beard when he was at the Irish Office.
You 're not mixing him up with Grandolph ? "
" Get thee to a nunnery, worthy draper," said Campbell-Ban-
nermau", " and in that leisurely retirement read your Shakspeare."
"A nunnery!" cried Esslemont, more than ever bewildered;
"why they wouldn't let me in. I suppose you mean a monastery ;
but man and boy for fifty years I've gone to Kirk, and nothing
would-" By this time Campbell-Bannerman was out of hearing.
Business done.—One Vote in Committee of Supply.
Tuesday.—The Markiss not in his place in Lords to-night. Looked
in at Arlington Street to inquire if absence was due to illness.
"Not at all, Toby," said the Markiss who, indeed, looked quite
fit. "There was nothing particular on the paper to-night, so I
didn't go down. It's necessary for Nephew Arthur to _ be
regular in his attendance on the Commons. But in the Lordsit's
different. A happy fortune places the Leader there in a position
that relieves him from strain of unbroken attendance. With
Stratheden and Campbell looking after foreign policy, and
Denman taking charge of home affairs, my post is really a sinecure.
They talk about ending or mending of the House of Lords; but as
long as we are blessed with this remarkable combination of legislative
and administrative capacity we can laugh at the idle threats."
It was Denman who took the floor to-night; moved Second
Beading of a Bill, the simple and comprehensive object of which was
to repeal Local Government Acts of England and Scotland. These
passed, only a Session or two ago by continuous united effort of both
Houses of Parliament. Denman been closely watching them in
operation. Finds them disappointing, and so would have them, re-
pealed. House fully constituted, with Lord Chancellor on Wool-
sack, Mace on Table, and quorum present; gravely listens, whilst
tall, white-haired, sad-faced man rambles on in plaintive voice,
urging proposition which, if carried out, would arrest machinery of
Local Government throughout the Kingdom, leaving all to be gone
over again. No one smiles, much less winks or wags the head. It is
just as solemn and as orderly as if it were the Markiss himself sub-
mitting a Resolution or making a statement. Only, when the plain-
tive voice ceases and the tall figure is reseated on the Bench, nobody
proposes to continue the conversation. Lord Chancellor rapidly
gabbles shibboleth in which " content " stumbles over " not content."
" Notcontentshaveit," says Lord Chancellor, by way of last
word; leaves Woolsack; the few Peers slowly pass out. It seems
the House has adjourned, Denman'sMotion being negatived without
Division, and Local Government in England and Scotland will
proceed to-morrow as it has gone on to-day.
Business done.—House of Commons, having agreed to meet at two
o'clock to-morrow instead of twelve, makes up for it by getting
itself Counted Out at eight o'clock,
Wednesday.—Came across Lockwood this afternoon in remote
Eart of corridor, gesticulating whilst he recited some lines. Fancy
e's getting up that lecture on the "Lawyers in Pickwick"
announced for delivery in York on the 15th. Most interesting
undertaking. As Charles Russell says, " Coke-upon-Lyttleton
will have to take a back shelf in the Law libraries when Lockwood-
xipon-Dickens is in circulation."
Wonder how he finds time for these excursions into the bye-paths
of literature ? Hands full at the Bar ; frequent attendant here ; and
yet he has time to discover Pickwick ! He tells me great secret of
capability for this kind of work is plain living and regular habits.
"A chop or steak at eight o'clock with a potato (boiled in its
jacket) and a tumbler of toast-and-water; that's my regular
dinner ; leaves me clear-headed and free for a couple of hours' work
at my briefs before I go to bed. Except when kept down at House,
rarely out of bed after eleven. Up at five ; cold bath ; dry toast;
hot milk; another grind at my briefs ; ride down to Court; at it all
day, with intervals for Abernethy biscuit when Court adjourns;
and so the mill goes round."
" Don't you think," said Bob Reid, "it's a little unprofessional
of Lockwood going into this Pickwick business ? The cases were
never, that I know of, reported in the Law Journal. Good fellow
Lockwood, but a little apt to stray outside the ropes. Now
he's started lecturing, there's no knowing how far he '11 go. We
may see him on the stage bowling Beeebohm Tree out as Hamlet,
or even with his face corked, dancing a breakdown at St. James's
Hall. What does he want to go a-lecturing for ? Do you think
he '11 draw ? "
"Draw!" I cried. "Why, he's always drawing; he's drawn
for Punch." That shut up Master Bob. When you want to hear
disparaging remarks about a man, nothing like going to his bosom
friend. Business done.—Irish.
Thursday.—Mr. G. in fine form to-night; delivered two speeches,
each in highest form of Parliamentary Debate. Infinite variety
in manner. Before dinner, Prince Arthur moved to take Morning
Sittings on Tuesdays and Fridays for rest of Session. That
means virtual appropriation on very threshold of Session of time
belonging to private Members. They furious ; Mr. G. in benignest
mood; shocked, he must confess, at Prince Arthur's unparalleled
greed; but not disposed to turn a deaf ear to his importunity.
" If you'd make it Easter, now," he said, with winning voice and
manner, "limit the scope of resolution to
that date, I'm not sure that I should feel
disposed to say you nay."
Prince Arthur jumped at proposal. Suffi-
cient unto Easter are the Morning Sittings
thereof. If he wanted more he could ask
again. Meanwhile he was in possession of
what he wanted.
House looked on in amazement at this
little scene. Opposition expected Mr. G.
would have thundered forth denunciations of
Prince Arthur's audacity. Here he was
making terms with the enemy ; doing it all,
too, with imposingly judicial manner that
was irresistible. Before House quite knew
where it was, everything was settled.
"'Now I'm furnished, Now I'm
furnished, for my flight'—of oratory."
It was Blundell Maple chanting
this line, sung in another place by
Hecate. Flight didn't amount to more
than asking question as to whether
audiences at unlicensed places of enter-
tainment (in neighbourhood of Totten-
ham Court Road or elsewhere) open for
Radical or Liberal entertain-
ments, are duly protected from
fire ? Members went off to din-
ner, pondering on this conun-
drum. Came back to find Mr. G.
" Monumental Suavity." on his legs again, denouncing
proposition to vote £20,000 for
survey of railway from Mombasa to Nyanza. A splendid piece of
invective ; almost literally shrivelled up poor Jokim, at whom some of
the scorching flame was pointed with outstretched forefinger. For
more than half an hour, at period of night when most gentlemen of
his years are snugly tucked up in bed, Mr. G. held the_audience en-
tranced, thunderous cheers rolling forth in rapid succession from Lib-
eral ranks, now and then answered by low growl from Ministerialists.
"What a man it is!" cried Keneick, looking on with monu-
mental suavity; "almost sorry he left us. Sometimes, at his best,
he equals our Joe." Business done.—A couple of Yotes in Supply.
Friday.—Bryce at last got access to
mountains in Scotland.
Been wandering round foot of them
through many Sessions, and several Par-
liaments. Always something happened to
prevent his reaching the top. Don't be-
lieve he 'd have got there to-night, only
for Farquharson.
When F. came forward to second
Motion, incidentally observing, " I'm the
proprietor of a mountain myself," we felt
something must be done, and Bryce's
Motion was agreed to.
Farquharson, for rest of evening,
object of respectful regard. Some inquiry
as to where he kept his mountain. Did he
bring it to Town with him when he came
up for the Session ? And, when at home,
was he in habit of leaving it out all
night ?
" Don't happen to have it about you, I
suppose ? " Wilfrid Lawson asked, eye-
ing his trousers' pockets.
Farquharson very reticent on subject.
Rumour, just before House adjourned,
that his mountain is one of those situated
in the Moon—but this only envy.
Business done.—Access secured to Far-
quharson's mountain and others in Scot- The Man who Owns a
land. Mountain.
Strange Charge against a Great Poet.- Lord Tennyson's
Robin Hoodh to be produced at Daly's, New York, and simulta-
neously, to secure copyright, by one performance only, at the
Lyceum. We never thought Tennyson a plagiarist before this,
but here is proof positive he's at it now, — Lord Tennyson's
robbing Hood ! !
(j^ NOTICE.—Rejected Communications or Contributions, whether MS., Printed Matter, Drawings, or Pictures ot any deaoription, will
in no case be returned, not evep wben accompanied by a Stamped and 4ti<irg88ed Envelope, Cover, or Wrapper. To this rule
then- will be no exception.