DOI issue:
April 9, 1892
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17693#0183
l<± PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [April 9, 1892.
A WARNING.
Archie {to his Sister, who has been reading him Fairy Tales), "Won't there be a lot of Us, if none of us go and (jet Married ?
Worse than Hop o' my Thumb !" Sister. " Yes ; but you know / mean to be Married ! "
Archie. "Do you mean to say you'd go and live alone with a Man after reading Bluebeard i"
A WAITING GAME.
Wary William, loquitur:—
Drat that dog !
Dogs are mixed,—like men.
Few know how to jog;
Hasty tongue and pen,
Many a bungler bog,
Steady! / '11 say when!
Lots of dogs I've bred,
Most want whip, a deal.
This one, be it said,
Is more hot than leal;
"Wants to go ahead,
Hates to come to heel!
Skies are overcast;
Slowly comes the spring.
Quarry 's tracked—at last,
Strong, though, on the wing.
Steady! Not so fast!
Else they '11 call me " swell."
Down ! What are you at ?
Scurry and pell-mell
Do not ' bell the cat.'
Sport is not a mere
Game of " Spill and pelt "
Patience! End is near.
Down ! Brute wants a welt!
Modern breed runs queer ;
That I long have felt.
'Tother William snorts,
L-bby only grins;
But at most all sports
It is judgment wins.
Breed, though, now consorts
With mongrels—for its sins !
Long the sport I've loved,
Mean to try again,
I should be reproved
Waiting game's the thing. DM I speak too plain :
'Tother William's style But—are dogs improved
Bather spoiled this pup.
Steady ! Wait awhile !
H-rc-rt's like a Krupp.
I can stroll, and smile—
Till the birds get up.
Half-bred dogs—well, well,
Mustn't talk like that!
By that Irish strain ?
Steady, my lad, steady !
Nearly slipped, me then !
Tou 're too hot and heady—
(Like no end of men !—)
Near !—but not quite ready.
Steady! I '11 say wheD!
Vestrymen Climbing Down.—Say the unfortunate Noncon-
formist Vestrymen of St. George's, Southwark,—" We won't pay
the Rector's Bate; but we won't go to prison, at any rate.'
PBUDES AND NUDES.
[An "Officer of high rank" has written to Truth, complaining of the
naked statues and pictures he saw at Londonderry House, at a sale on behalf
of Irish Home Industries.]
Attend and hear the story of a most uncommon militaire,
Whom the sight of naked statues caused to tingle to his boots,
Who was seen to beat his breast, and (which was far more flat and
silly) tear
His hair by blushing handfuls from its shocked and modest roots.
It was dreadful! There were Duchesses (Heav'n bless their
handsome faces!)
And a host of pretty Countesses, and Maidens by the score,
And they sold some Irish Industries—embroideries and laces—
And Madge described to Amy all the pretty frocks they wore.
But the statues and the paintings didn't seem at all to worry them,
Having work to do they did it just as quiet as a mouse,
Though this soldier took his daughter and his wife, and tried to
hurry them
In the cause of outraged virtue far from Londonderry House.
So when next he goes where statues are, we '11 do our best to hide
them,
Since to prudes all things are prudish, lest his modesty take hurt.
Though some one else, perhaps, may write, and say he can't abide
them,
When Apollo stands in trousers, or when Venus wears a skirt.
From Robert.—" Sir, I'm proud of my furrin co-profeshunal
Lhkrot, the himminint Waiter, wot nobbled the bomb-ta-ra (hif I
may so igspress my sentimenx) waggybun, Bavachol. This Waiter
is wot my french frend calls a ' Tray bong Gassong,1 and the wun-
nerful manner the french Waiters has of carryin a tray loded with
drinkabels is worthy of the hippythep. He sez orlso has is name,
hinsted of Lherot, ort to be andid down to posterittory as ' L'Heros '
—wich word as rote down by hisself means ' The Hero.' He got a
1000 Franks, wicb is rayther more nor wos ever got by one Bob."
A WARNING.
Archie {to his Sister, who has been reading him Fairy Tales), "Won't there be a lot of Us, if none of us go and (jet Married ?
Worse than Hop o' my Thumb !" Sister. " Yes ; but you know / mean to be Married ! "
Archie. "Do you mean to say you'd go and live alone with a Man after reading Bluebeard i"
A WAITING GAME.
Wary William, loquitur:—
Drat that dog !
Dogs are mixed,—like men.
Few know how to jog;
Hasty tongue and pen,
Many a bungler bog,
Steady! / '11 say when!
Lots of dogs I've bred,
Most want whip, a deal.
This one, be it said,
Is more hot than leal;
"Wants to go ahead,
Hates to come to heel!
Skies are overcast;
Slowly comes the spring.
Quarry 's tracked—at last,
Strong, though, on the wing.
Steady! Not so fast!
Else they '11 call me " swell."
Down ! What are you at ?
Scurry and pell-mell
Do not ' bell the cat.'
Sport is not a mere
Game of " Spill and pelt "
Patience! End is near.
Down ! Brute wants a welt!
Modern breed runs queer ;
That I long have felt.
'Tother William snorts,
L-bby only grins;
But at most all sports
It is judgment wins.
Breed, though, now consorts
With mongrels—for its sins !
Long the sport I've loved,
Mean to try again,
I should be reproved
Waiting game's the thing. DM I speak too plain :
'Tother William's style But—are dogs improved
Bather spoiled this pup.
Steady ! Wait awhile !
H-rc-rt's like a Krupp.
I can stroll, and smile—
Till the birds get up.
Half-bred dogs—well, well,
Mustn't talk like that!
By that Irish strain ?
Steady, my lad, steady !
Nearly slipped, me then !
Tou 're too hot and heady—
(Like no end of men !—)
Near !—but not quite ready.
Steady! I '11 say wheD!
Vestrymen Climbing Down.—Say the unfortunate Noncon-
formist Vestrymen of St. George's, Southwark,—" We won't pay
the Rector's Bate; but we won't go to prison, at any rate.'
PBUDES AND NUDES.
[An "Officer of high rank" has written to Truth, complaining of the
naked statues and pictures he saw at Londonderry House, at a sale on behalf
of Irish Home Industries.]
Attend and hear the story of a most uncommon militaire,
Whom the sight of naked statues caused to tingle to his boots,
Who was seen to beat his breast, and (which was far more flat and
silly) tear
His hair by blushing handfuls from its shocked and modest roots.
It was dreadful! There were Duchesses (Heav'n bless their
handsome faces!)
And a host of pretty Countesses, and Maidens by the score,
And they sold some Irish Industries—embroideries and laces—
And Madge described to Amy all the pretty frocks they wore.
But the statues and the paintings didn't seem at all to worry them,
Having work to do they did it just as quiet as a mouse,
Though this soldier took his daughter and his wife, and tried to
hurry them
In the cause of outraged virtue far from Londonderry House.
So when next he goes where statues are, we '11 do our best to hide
them,
Since to prudes all things are prudish, lest his modesty take hurt.
Though some one else, perhaps, may write, and say he can't abide
them,
When Apollo stands in trousers, or when Venus wears a skirt.
From Robert.—" Sir, I'm proud of my furrin co-profeshunal
Lhkrot, the himminint Waiter, wot nobbled the bomb-ta-ra (hif I
may so igspress my sentimenx) waggybun, Bavachol. This Waiter
is wot my french frend calls a ' Tray bong Gassong,1 and the wun-
nerful manner the french Waiters has of carryin a tray loded with
drinkabels is worthy of the hippythep. He sez orlso has is name,
hinsted of Lherot, ort to be andid down to posterittory as ' L'Heros '
—wich word as rote down by hisself means ' The Hero.' He got a
1000 Franks, wicb is rayther more nor wos ever got by one Bob."