Punch (102.1892)

April 30, 1892.]

209

QUITE NATURAL.

Mamma. "Ethel dear, why won't you say Good-bye to this Gentleman? He is

very kind ! "

Ethel. "Because. Mummy dear, you told him just now he is "the Lion of the
Season,"—and I am so Frightened!"

The Com. M. I made out enough to cover
a sixpence, anyhow. You didn't expect the
telephone to explain it all to you goin'_ along,
and give you cawfee between the Acts, did you?

The Ch. 0. G. {sidling affably up to the
Irritable Person as he is moving out). Marvel-
lous strides Science has made of late, Sir!
Almost incredible. I declare to you, while
I was sitting there, I positively felt inclined
to ask myself the question-

The Irr. P. Allow me to say, Sir, that
another time, if you will obey that inclina-
tion, and put the question to yourself instead
of other people, you will be a more desirable
neighbour in a Telephone Room than, I
confess I found you !

[He turns on his heel, indignantly.

The Ch. O. G. {to himself). 'Strordinary
what unsociable people one does come across
at times! Now I'm always ready to talk to
anybody, I am—don't care who they are.
Well—well- [He walks on, musing.

"DE PROFITNDIS."

{By an Indignant " Outsider.1')

A masterpiece, worthy of Turner,

Was mine, there my friends all agree,
Wo work of a pot-boiling learner,
My " View on the Dee"

A place on the line I expected,

Associate shortly to be !
Hang me, if it isn't rejected,
And marked with a D!

I will not repeat what I uttered

When this was reported to me ;
The mere monosyllable muttered
Begins with a J).

ON THE (POST) CAEDS.

["Sir James Fergtjsson does not hesitate to
declare his opinion that rudeness or incivility on
the part, of a Post-Office servant is, next to dis-
honesty, one of the worst offences he can com-
mit. This notice is not addressed to men alone.
Of the young women employed by the department,
there are, he says, some, if not many, whom it is im-
possible to acquit of inattention and levity in the dis-
charge of their official duties. It is Sir James Fer-
Gusson's intention to ascertain, at short intervals,
the effect of this notice on the behaviour of Post-
Office officials generally."—Daily Paper.]

Scene—Interior of a Post Office. Female
Employees engaged in congenial pursuits.

First Emp. {ending story). And so she
never got the bouquet, after all, and he went
to Margate, without even saying good-bye.

Second Emp. {her Friend). Well, that was
hard upon her !

First Member of the Public {entering
briskly and putting coppers on the counter).
Now then, three penny stamps, please !

First Emp. {to her Friend). Yes, as you
say, it was hard, as of course the matter of
the pic-nic was no affair of hers.

Second Emp. {sympathetically). Of course
not!_ They are all alike, my dear !—all alike !

First Mem. of the Pub. {impatiently). Now
then, three penny stamps please !

First Emp. Well, you are in a hurry!
{To her Friend.) And from that day to this
she has never heard from him.

Second Emp. And it would have been so
eisy to drop her a postcard from Herne Bay.

First Mem. of the Pub. Am I to be kept
waiting all day? Three penny postage-
stamps, please.

First Emp. {leisurely). What do you want?

First Mem. of the"Pub. {angrily). Three
penny postage - stamps, and look sharp
about it!

First Emp. {giving stamp). Threepence.
First Mem. of the Pub. \ furious). A three-

penny stamp! I want three penny stamps.
Three stamps costing a penny each. See ?

First Emp. {icith calm unconcern). Then
why didn't you say so before ? {Supplies
stamps and turns to Friend.) Then Maria
of course wanted to go to Birchington.

Second Emp. Why Birchington ? Why
did she want to go to Birchington ?

First Emp. Well—he of course was at
Herne Bay.

Second Emp. Ah, now I begin to understand
her artfulness.

First Emp. Ah, there you are right, my
dear! She was artful! {Enter Second
Member of the Public, covered up in cloaks
and only showing the tip of his nose.

Second Mem. of the Pub. {in a feeble voice).
Can you tell me, please, when the Mail starts
for India ?

First Emp. Well, the sea air is the sea air.
And that reminds me, what do you think of
this tobacco-pouch for-

Second Emp. {archly). For I know who !
Why, you have got his initials in forget-me-
nots !

First Emp. I think them so pretty, and
they are very easy to do.

Second Idem, of the Pub. {in a rather louder
voice). Can you tell me, please, when the Mail
starts for India ?

Second Emp, I must say, dear, you have

the most perfect taste. Well, he will be un-
grateful if he isn't charmed with them!
Absolutely charmed!

Second Mem. of the Pub. {louder still).
Will you be so good as to say when the Mail
starts for India ?

First Emp. Oh, you are in a hurry ! {To
Friend.) Yes, I took a lot of trouble in get-
ting the gold beads. There is only one place
where you can get them. They don't sell
them at the Stores.

Second Mem. of the Pub. {in a loud tone
of voice). Again I ask you when the Mail
leaves for India ?

Second Emp. And yet you can get almost
anything you want there. Only it's a terrible
nuisance going from one place to another.

Second Mem. of the Pub. {in a voice of
thunder). Silence ! You are an impudent set!
You are calculated to injure the class to
whom you belong ! I am ashamed of you !

First Emp. And who may you be ?

Second Mem. of the Pub. Whom may I
be? I will tell you! {Throws off his disguise.)
I am the Postmaster-General! ! !
[Scene closes in upon a tableau suggestive of
astonishment, contrition and excitement.

Its Latest Application. — Chorus for
Royal Academicians, for Monday next:—
" Ta-R.A-R.A.-Boom-to-day! "