DOI Heft:
May 7, 1892
DOI Seite / Zitierlink:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17693#0227
218
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[May 7, 1892.
THE FORCE OF EXAMPLE.
Lady Clara Robinson (ne'e Vere de Fere). " Thanks 1 How is it Omnibus
Men aee so much Civiller than i'm told they used to be ?"
Conductor. "You see, Lady, there's so many Decayed Aristocracy
travels by" us nowadays. that we picks up their manners ! "
SONNET ON THE SOUTH-EASTEEN.
(After a Celebrated Model.)
Composed at London Bridge Terminus, April 18, 1892.
[" One can do nothing with Railways. You cannot write
sonnets on the South-Eastern."—Mr. Barry Fain, "In the
S>iioking-Hoo?>i."]
Earth has not anything1 to show less fair :
Patient were he of soul who could pass by
A twenty minutes' wait amidst the cry
Of churlish clowns who worn cord jackets wear,
"Without one single, solitary swear.
The low, unmeaning grunt, the needless lie,
The prompt " next platform" (which is all my eye),
The choky waiting-room, the smoky air ;
Refreshment-bars where nothing nice they keep,
"Whose sandwich chokes, whose whiskey makes one ill;
The seatless platforms ! Ne'er was gloom so deep !
The truck toe-crusheth at its own sweet will.
Great Scott! are pluck and common-sense asleep,
That the long humbugged Public stands it still ?
Reddie-turus Salutat.—A good combination of
names is to be found in an announcement of a forth-
coming Concert at Prince's Hall. Piccadilly, on the
evening of May 11, to be given by Mr. Charles Repdie
and Mr. A. Taylor. Briefly, it might be announced as
"A. Taylor's REDDiE-made Concert." If Reddie-
money only taken at door, will A. Taylor give credit ?
Solvitur ambulando—that is, Walk in, and you '11 find
out. It is to be play-time for Master Jean Gerardy,
" Master G.," who is going to perform on an Erard
piano, when, as his REDDiE-witted companion play-
fully observes, '' The youthful pianist will out-Erard
Erard."
" Call you this Backing your Friends P"
(By a Confused Conservative.)
To stave off Change, and check the loud Had Rough rage,
Conservatism is as shield and fetter meant:
And now brave Balfour votes for Female Suffrage;
And Ritchie tells us he approves of " Betterment" !
0 valiant Westminster, 0 warlike Wemyss,
Is this to be the end of all our dreams ?
LA JUSTICE POUR RIRE; OR, WHAT IT HAS NEARLY GOME TO.
Scene—Interior of a Foreign Law Court. Numerous officials in
attendance performing their various duties in an apprehensive
sort of way. Audience small but determined.
Judge (nervously). Now are we really protected from disturbance ?
General in Command of Troops. I think so. The Court House is
surrounded by an Army Corps, and the Engineers find that the place
has not been undermined to at least a distance of a thousand feet.
Judge (somewhat reassured). Well, now I think we may proceed
with the trial. Admit the accused.
[The Prisoner is bowed into the dock, and accommodated with a
comfortably cushioned arm-chair.
Prisoner. Good morning. (To Judge.) You can resume your hat.
Judge (boiving to the Prisoner). Accused, I am deeply honoured by
your courtesy. I trust you have been comfortable in the State
apartments that have been recently supplied to you.
Prisoner (firmly). State apartment! Why it was a prison! You
know it, M. le Juge, and you, Gentlemen of the Jury and
Witnesses. (The entire audience shudder apprehensively.) And, what
is more, my friends outside know it! They know that I was arrested
and thrown into prison. Yes, they know that, and will act accordingly.
Judge (tearfully). I am sure none of us wished to offend you !
Members of the Bar (in a breath). Certainly not!
Prisoner. Well, let the trial proceed. I suppose you don't want
any evidence. You have heard what I have said. You know that I
regret having caused inconvenience to my innocent victims. They
would forgive me for my innocent intentions. I only wished to save
everybody by blowing everybody up.
The Court generally. Yes, yes !
Prisoner. Well, I have just done. And now what say the Jury?
Where are they ?
Foreman of the Jury (white with fear). I am, Sir,—very pleased
to see you, Sir,—hope you are well, Sir ?
Prisoner (condescendingly). Tol lol. And now what do you say ?
am I Guilty or Not Guilty Y
Foreman of the Jury. Yes, Sir. Thank you, Sir. We will talk
it over, Sir—if you don't mind, Sir.
Prisoner. I need not tell you that my friends outside take the
greatest possible interest in your proceedings.
Foreman (promptly). Why, yes, Sir! The fact is we have all had
anonymous letters daily, saying that we shall be blown out of house
and home if we harm you.
Prisoner (laughing). Oh, be under no apprehension. It is merely
the circular of my friends. Only a compilation of hints for the
guidance of the Gentlemen of the Jury.
Foreman. Just so, Sir. We accepted it in that spirit.
Prisoner. You were wise. Now, Gentlemen, you have surely had
time to make up your minds. Do you find me Guilty or Not Guilty ?
Foreman (earnestly). Why, Not Guilty, to be sure.
Judge. Release the accused ! Sir, you have my congratulations.
Pray accept my distinguished consideration.
Prisoner (coldly). You are very good. And now adieu, and off to
breakfast with what appetite ye may !
The Entire Court (falling on their knees, and raising their hands
iri*supplication). Mercy, Sir! Eor pity's sake, mercy !
Fx-Prisoner (fiercely). Mercy ! What, after I have been arrested !
Mercy ! after I have been cast into gaol!
Judge (in tears). They thought they were right. They were, doubt-
less, wrong, but it was to save the remainder of the row of houses !
Can you not consider this a plea for extenuating circumstances ?
Fx-Prisoner (sternly). No. It was my business, not theirs. It
was I who paid for the dynamite—not they. (Preparing to leave
the Court.) Good bye. You may hear from me and from my
friends!
Judge (following him to the door). Nay, stay! See us—we kneel
to you. (To audience.) Kneel, friends, kneel! (Everybody obeys
the direction.) One last appeal! (In a voice broken with emotion.)
We all have Mothers !
Ex-Prisoner (thunder-stricken). You all have Mothers ! I knew
not this. I pardon you ! [The audience utter shouts of joy, and the
Ex-Prisoner extends his hands towards them in the attitude of bene-
diction. Scene closes in upon this tableaux.
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[May 7, 1892.
THE FORCE OF EXAMPLE.
Lady Clara Robinson (ne'e Vere de Fere). " Thanks 1 How is it Omnibus
Men aee so much Civiller than i'm told they used to be ?"
Conductor. "You see, Lady, there's so many Decayed Aristocracy
travels by" us nowadays. that we picks up their manners ! "
SONNET ON THE SOUTH-EASTEEN.
(After a Celebrated Model.)
Composed at London Bridge Terminus, April 18, 1892.
[" One can do nothing with Railways. You cannot write
sonnets on the South-Eastern."—Mr. Barry Fain, "In the
S>iioking-Hoo?>i."]
Earth has not anything1 to show less fair :
Patient were he of soul who could pass by
A twenty minutes' wait amidst the cry
Of churlish clowns who worn cord jackets wear,
"Without one single, solitary swear.
The low, unmeaning grunt, the needless lie,
The prompt " next platform" (which is all my eye),
The choky waiting-room, the smoky air ;
Refreshment-bars where nothing nice they keep,
"Whose sandwich chokes, whose whiskey makes one ill;
The seatless platforms ! Ne'er was gloom so deep !
The truck toe-crusheth at its own sweet will.
Great Scott! are pluck and common-sense asleep,
That the long humbugged Public stands it still ?
Reddie-turus Salutat.—A good combination of
names is to be found in an announcement of a forth-
coming Concert at Prince's Hall. Piccadilly, on the
evening of May 11, to be given by Mr. Charles Repdie
and Mr. A. Taylor. Briefly, it might be announced as
"A. Taylor's REDDiE-made Concert." If Reddie-
money only taken at door, will A. Taylor give credit ?
Solvitur ambulando—that is, Walk in, and you '11 find
out. It is to be play-time for Master Jean Gerardy,
" Master G.," who is going to perform on an Erard
piano, when, as his REDDiE-witted companion play-
fully observes, '' The youthful pianist will out-Erard
Erard."
" Call you this Backing your Friends P"
(By a Confused Conservative.)
To stave off Change, and check the loud Had Rough rage,
Conservatism is as shield and fetter meant:
And now brave Balfour votes for Female Suffrage;
And Ritchie tells us he approves of " Betterment" !
0 valiant Westminster, 0 warlike Wemyss,
Is this to be the end of all our dreams ?
LA JUSTICE POUR RIRE; OR, WHAT IT HAS NEARLY GOME TO.
Scene—Interior of a Foreign Law Court. Numerous officials in
attendance performing their various duties in an apprehensive
sort of way. Audience small but determined.
Judge (nervously). Now are we really protected from disturbance ?
General in Command of Troops. I think so. The Court House is
surrounded by an Army Corps, and the Engineers find that the place
has not been undermined to at least a distance of a thousand feet.
Judge (somewhat reassured). Well, now I think we may proceed
with the trial. Admit the accused.
[The Prisoner is bowed into the dock, and accommodated with a
comfortably cushioned arm-chair.
Prisoner. Good morning. (To Judge.) You can resume your hat.
Judge (boiving to the Prisoner). Accused, I am deeply honoured by
your courtesy. I trust you have been comfortable in the State
apartments that have been recently supplied to you.
Prisoner (firmly). State apartment! Why it was a prison! You
know it, M. le Juge, and you, Gentlemen of the Jury and
Witnesses. (The entire audience shudder apprehensively.) And, what
is more, my friends outside know it! They know that I was arrested
and thrown into prison. Yes, they know that, and will act accordingly.
Judge (tearfully). I am sure none of us wished to offend you !
Members of the Bar (in a breath). Certainly not!
Prisoner. Well, let the trial proceed. I suppose you don't want
any evidence. You have heard what I have said. You know that I
regret having caused inconvenience to my innocent victims. They
would forgive me for my innocent intentions. I only wished to save
everybody by blowing everybody up.
The Court generally. Yes, yes !
Prisoner. Well, I have just done. And now what say the Jury?
Where are they ?
Foreman of the Jury (white with fear). I am, Sir,—very pleased
to see you, Sir,—hope you are well, Sir ?
Prisoner (condescendingly). Tol lol. And now what do you say ?
am I Guilty or Not Guilty Y
Foreman of the Jury. Yes, Sir. Thank you, Sir. We will talk
it over, Sir—if you don't mind, Sir.
Prisoner. I need not tell you that my friends outside take the
greatest possible interest in your proceedings.
Foreman (promptly). Why, yes, Sir! The fact is we have all had
anonymous letters daily, saying that we shall be blown out of house
and home if we harm you.
Prisoner (laughing). Oh, be under no apprehension. It is merely
the circular of my friends. Only a compilation of hints for the
guidance of the Gentlemen of the Jury.
Foreman. Just so, Sir. We accepted it in that spirit.
Prisoner. You were wise. Now, Gentlemen, you have surely had
time to make up your minds. Do you find me Guilty or Not Guilty ?
Foreman (earnestly). Why, Not Guilty, to be sure.
Judge. Release the accused ! Sir, you have my congratulations.
Pray accept my distinguished consideration.
Prisoner (coldly). You are very good. And now adieu, and off to
breakfast with what appetite ye may !
The Entire Court (falling on their knees, and raising their hands
iri*supplication). Mercy, Sir! Eor pity's sake, mercy !
Fx-Prisoner (fiercely). Mercy ! What, after I have been arrested !
Mercy ! after I have been cast into gaol!
Judge (in tears). They thought they were right. They were, doubt-
less, wrong, but it was to save the remainder of the row of houses !
Can you not consider this a plea for extenuating circumstances ?
Fx-Prisoner (sternly). No. It was my business, not theirs. It
was I who paid for the dynamite—not they. (Preparing to leave
the Court.) Good bye. You may hear from me and from my
friends!
Judge (following him to the door). Nay, stay! See us—we kneel
to you. (To audience.) Kneel, friends, kneel! (Everybody obeys
the direction.) One last appeal! (In a voice broken with emotion.)
We all have Mothers !
Ex-Prisoner (thunder-stricken). You all have Mothers ! I knew
not this. I pardon you ! [The audience utter shouts of joy, and the
Ex-Prisoner extends his hands towards them in the attitude of bene-
diction. Scene closes in upon this tableaux.