DOI Heft:
May 14, 1892
DOI Seite / Zitierlink:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17693#0249
240 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVAEI. [May u, 1892.
Lowlander home from a fortnight's jaunt in Paris._ "Give me ,so afraid," he whispered, "of the old A-dam coming out." And it
Caldwell for persuasive argument," says Plunket, himself a born I did, Citizen Graham: himself immediately after going out, stopping
orator who has missed scarcely five minutes of this two days' debate. ! at the Bar to shuffle through a few steps of the Carmagnole, and
Curious how influence of the hour permeates and dominates j trumpet defiance on his blood-red handkerchief,
everything, even to the distant Lake Ny'yassa. Question asked After this, a mere flash of lightning through the low clouds of a
when House met as to how things were going on there under Com- dull afternoon, Asquith went on with his speech, debate proceeded
missioner Johnston. No one at all surprised when, in replv, L©w- | as if nothing had happened, and Haldane's Bill thrown out by 223
ther referred to the "two powerful Chiefs, Jumbe and McPonda." ; Votes against 148. Business done.—Citizen Graham suspended.
Should like to hear the views of the last gen-
tleman on the Scotch Equivalent Grant, its ( , v/
application to secondary education in Scotland,
and the probable ultimate destination of the
£25,000 allotted to parochial boards.
Business done.—More of the Scotch Equi-
valent Grant.
Wednesday.—May Day passed off quietly
enough; but you can't have air charged with
electricity, and your back-cellars filled with
dynamite, without danger of explosion. Burst
to-day in unlooked-for place, in unexpected
circumstances. Haldane brought in Bill
providing that ratepayers should share with
Duke of Westminster and other great land-
owners benefit of unearned increment. Pros-
pect alluring, but debate not exhilarating.
House nearly empty ; Asquith delivering able
but not exciting speech in favour of Bill. Just
sort of time and circumstances when, in ano-
ther place, Judge might be expected to fall
asleep on Bench. Citizen Robert Galnigad
Bontine Cuninghame Graham, sitting on
Bench behind Asquith, listening like the rest
of us to his well-ordered argument. The
Citizen a little tired with Sunday's peregrina-
tion. Been walking about all day with_ stout
stick in hand, and blood-red handkerchief in
pocket, ready for any emergency. At favour-
able moment blood-red handkerchief would
flash forth, tied on to stick with timely twine,
and there's your flag! Republic proclaimed ;
Citizen Graham first President, under title
Galnigad L, and before Secretary-of-State
Matthews quite knew where he was, he would
be viewing the scene from an elevated position
pendant in Trafalgar Square. , ^r,y / \ ^"■w"' aw a
Chance had not come ; Graham still plain y6/■^L^U^JZ? 1 V*
Citizen, in House of Commons listening to ~~~ '
commonplace proposals about unearned incre- Effect^of a great big D in the House
ment. This evidently wouldn't do. Suddenly jumped up ; shook '
fist at back of Asquith's unoffending head, and, a propos de bottes,
" wanted to know about the swindling companies and their share-
holders ? "
Asquith really hadn't been saying anything about them ; turning
round beheld Citizen Graham glaring
upon him, throwing about his arms as if
he were semaphore signalling to the rear-
guard of Republican Army.
"Order! Order!" cried Speaker,
sternly.
" Oh, you can suspend me if you like,"
said Citizen Graham, airily, as if it were
no hanging matter. Members angrily
joined in cry of "Order! Order!"
Speaker promptly "named" the Citizen
—not with his full list of names, for time
was pressing.
" Name away!" roared the Citizen,
whom nothing could disconcert. Home
Secretary having no fear of the lamp-
post before his eyes, formally moved that
the Citizen be suspended. Graham
snapped his fingers at Home Secretary.
" Suspend away ! " he shouted.
Members looked on aghast. Rowlands
standing at the Bar, conscious of his hair
slowly uplifting. Belonged to the ad-
vanced guard himself; but this going
little too far. Lubbock, sitting near
Citizen, strategically attempted to change
the conversation. "Did you ever," he
said, blandly, " notice how the queen bee,
Hair slowly uplifting." when she is—"
Oh, you bee-" said the Citizen, roughly shaking off the
gentle Bee-master.
Sam Smith shudderingly covered his face with his hands. " I'm
_ Friday.—House met to-day as it did yesterday and day before to
discuss Bills and Motions. But all the talk really turns upon date
of Dissolution, and what is likely to happen after a General Election.
Squire op Malwood serenely confident in the future.
"Yes," I said to him to-night, "it must be a great comfort to
you to reflect that when you come into office you will not have to
beat about for a programme. You 've got your Newcastle platform,
and I suppose a Liberal Ministry will stand upon that."
" You remind me, dear Toby," said the Squire, with a far-away
look, " of a story Coleridge brought home from his memorable visit
to the United States. On his way down to Chicago he went out on
the platform of the car to breathe the air and look at the scenery.
'Come off that,' said the Conductor, following him, 'you can't
stand on the platform.' ' My good man,' said John Duke—you
know his silver voice and his bland manner—■' what is a platform
for, if not to stand on?' 'Platforms,' said the Conductor, senten-
tiously, 'are not made to stand on, they are made to get in on.' "
Business done.—Miscellaneous.
On the Row among the Romancers.
Trust me, scribes who fight and
jeer, [us bent,
From yon blue heavens above
Dickens and Thackeray and
_ Scott [gent.
Smile at the grumbling Yankee
Howe'er it be, it seems to
me
A Novel needs but to be good ;
Romancer's more than Realist,
And True Love's course than
too much " Blood" !
Too Conscientious.—" As a protest against gambling in connec-
tion with Orme," Mr. W. Johnston, M.P., refused to attend a meeting
at the Duke of Westminster's " for the prevention of the demorali-
sation of the uncivilised heathen races." Does Mr. W. J. include
the Derby among the "heathen races" in connection with Orme?
Quite Appropriate.—"Acorse," says Robert, "it's the rite
thing as that the Orse Show at Hislington should be honnerd with
the pressince of the Lord Mare."
NOTICE.—Rejected Communications or Contributions, whether MS., Printed Matter, Drawings, or Pictures of any description, will
in no case be returned, not even when accompanied by a Stamped and Addressed Envelope, Cover, or Wrapper. To this rule
there will be no exception.
Lowlander home from a fortnight's jaunt in Paris._ "Give me ,so afraid," he whispered, "of the old A-dam coming out." And it
Caldwell for persuasive argument," says Plunket, himself a born I did, Citizen Graham: himself immediately after going out, stopping
orator who has missed scarcely five minutes of this two days' debate. ! at the Bar to shuffle through a few steps of the Carmagnole, and
Curious how influence of the hour permeates and dominates j trumpet defiance on his blood-red handkerchief,
everything, even to the distant Lake Ny'yassa. Question asked After this, a mere flash of lightning through the low clouds of a
when House met as to how things were going on there under Com- dull afternoon, Asquith went on with his speech, debate proceeded
missioner Johnston. No one at all surprised when, in replv, L©w- | as if nothing had happened, and Haldane's Bill thrown out by 223
ther referred to the "two powerful Chiefs, Jumbe and McPonda." ; Votes against 148. Business done.—Citizen Graham suspended.
Should like to hear the views of the last gen-
tleman on the Scotch Equivalent Grant, its ( , v/
application to secondary education in Scotland,
and the probable ultimate destination of the
£25,000 allotted to parochial boards.
Business done.—More of the Scotch Equi-
valent Grant.
Wednesday.—May Day passed off quietly
enough; but you can't have air charged with
electricity, and your back-cellars filled with
dynamite, without danger of explosion. Burst
to-day in unlooked-for place, in unexpected
circumstances. Haldane brought in Bill
providing that ratepayers should share with
Duke of Westminster and other great land-
owners benefit of unearned increment. Pros-
pect alluring, but debate not exhilarating.
House nearly empty ; Asquith delivering able
but not exciting speech in favour of Bill. Just
sort of time and circumstances when, in ano-
ther place, Judge might be expected to fall
asleep on Bench. Citizen Robert Galnigad
Bontine Cuninghame Graham, sitting on
Bench behind Asquith, listening like the rest
of us to his well-ordered argument. The
Citizen a little tired with Sunday's peregrina-
tion. Been walking about all day with_ stout
stick in hand, and blood-red handkerchief in
pocket, ready for any emergency. At favour-
able moment blood-red handkerchief would
flash forth, tied on to stick with timely twine,
and there's your flag! Republic proclaimed ;
Citizen Graham first President, under title
Galnigad L, and before Secretary-of-State
Matthews quite knew where he was, he would
be viewing the scene from an elevated position
pendant in Trafalgar Square. , ^r,y / \ ^"■w"' aw a
Chance had not come ; Graham still plain y6/■^L^U^JZ? 1 V*
Citizen, in House of Commons listening to ~~~ '
commonplace proposals about unearned incre- Effect^of a great big D in the House
ment. This evidently wouldn't do. Suddenly jumped up ; shook '
fist at back of Asquith's unoffending head, and, a propos de bottes,
" wanted to know about the swindling companies and their share-
holders ? "
Asquith really hadn't been saying anything about them ; turning
round beheld Citizen Graham glaring
upon him, throwing about his arms as if
he were semaphore signalling to the rear-
guard of Republican Army.
"Order! Order!" cried Speaker,
sternly.
" Oh, you can suspend me if you like,"
said Citizen Graham, airily, as if it were
no hanging matter. Members angrily
joined in cry of "Order! Order!"
Speaker promptly "named" the Citizen
—not with his full list of names, for time
was pressing.
" Name away!" roared the Citizen,
whom nothing could disconcert. Home
Secretary having no fear of the lamp-
post before his eyes, formally moved that
the Citizen be suspended. Graham
snapped his fingers at Home Secretary.
" Suspend away ! " he shouted.
Members looked on aghast. Rowlands
standing at the Bar, conscious of his hair
slowly uplifting. Belonged to the ad-
vanced guard himself; but this going
little too far. Lubbock, sitting near
Citizen, strategically attempted to change
the conversation. "Did you ever," he
said, blandly, " notice how the queen bee,
Hair slowly uplifting." when she is—"
Oh, you bee-" said the Citizen, roughly shaking off the
gentle Bee-master.
Sam Smith shudderingly covered his face with his hands. " I'm
_ Friday.—House met to-day as it did yesterday and day before to
discuss Bills and Motions. But all the talk really turns upon date
of Dissolution, and what is likely to happen after a General Election.
Squire op Malwood serenely confident in the future.
"Yes," I said to him to-night, "it must be a great comfort to
you to reflect that when you come into office you will not have to
beat about for a programme. You 've got your Newcastle platform,
and I suppose a Liberal Ministry will stand upon that."
" You remind me, dear Toby," said the Squire, with a far-away
look, " of a story Coleridge brought home from his memorable visit
to the United States. On his way down to Chicago he went out on
the platform of the car to breathe the air and look at the scenery.
'Come off that,' said the Conductor, following him, 'you can't
stand on the platform.' ' My good man,' said John Duke—you
know his silver voice and his bland manner—■' what is a platform
for, if not to stand on?' 'Platforms,' said the Conductor, senten-
tiously, 'are not made to stand on, they are made to get in on.' "
Business done.—Miscellaneous.
On the Row among the Romancers.
Trust me, scribes who fight and
jeer, [us bent,
From yon blue heavens above
Dickens and Thackeray and
_ Scott [gent.
Smile at the grumbling Yankee
Howe'er it be, it seems to
me
A Novel needs but to be good ;
Romancer's more than Realist,
And True Love's course than
too much " Blood" !
Too Conscientious.—" As a protest against gambling in connec-
tion with Orme," Mr. W. Johnston, M.P., refused to attend a meeting
at the Duke of Westminster's " for the prevention of the demorali-
sation of the uncivilised heathen races." Does Mr. W. J. include
the Derby among the "heathen races" in connection with Orme?
Quite Appropriate.—"Acorse," says Robert, "it's the rite
thing as that the Orse Show at Hislington should be honnerd with
the pressince of the Lord Mare."
NOTICE.—Rejected Communications or Contributions, whether MS., Printed Matter, Drawings, or Pictures of any description, will
in no case be returned, not even when accompanied by a Stamped and Addressed Envelope, Cover, or Wrapper. To this rule
there will be no exception.