Punch (102.1892)

Mat 21, 1892.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 245

with him. Only suspicious thing about him is, his extreme desire
to keep out of sight. When Speaker took Chair he was standing
at Bar surveying House, and wondering when it would be made.
As soon as Mattlnson rose to move Second Heading of Bill,
Fokwood, so to speak, went backward, and planted himself well in
shadow of Speaker's Chair.

Turns out in course of interesting Debate that, though the speech
on moving Second Reading is the voice of Mattlnson, the Bill is the
Bill of Fokwood, whose interest in the political affairs of Liverpool
is said to be extensive and peculiar. Neville puts it in another
way. " Whenever," he said, " any political manipulation is afoot in
Liverpool, be sure the Secretary to the Admiralty will not bef ar away."

At first, Fokwood affected indifference to proceedings. "His
Bill! s'elp him, never seen it before. ' L'pool.' What's that ? "
But as Debate went forward, and gentlemen opposite insisted on
dragging him in, he finally yielded, and taking off coat, " went for"
other side. Rev. Sam Smith interposed with charming story about
a gentleman whom Liverpool Tories had appointed Chairman of
Watch Committee, "he being solicitor to the two largest publicans
in Liverpool." That didn't at first sight seem much to point, sup-
posing even the united cubit measurement of the worthy tradesmen
exceeded twelve feet. But Reverend Sam went on to explain what
he meant was that, " between them, they owned about 120 public-
houses." Curious movement in Strangers' Gallery as of involuntary
smacking of many lips, Fokwood said this (which he daintily
alluded to as "an allegation") had been denied. Sam, couching
the retort in clerical language, said in effect, "You're another! "
whereupon Ministerialists roared, "Oh! oh!" and Fokwood, now
thoroughly roused, proceeded to show that Samuel and his Liberal
allies were the real Gerrymanders, and that he, Fokwood, was the
spotless advocate of the true interests of the Working-Man.

House began to look askance on S. S. Never suspected him of
being a man of that kind. Glad when painful discussion came to

end. Bill read Second Time ; but jubila-
tion of promoters suddenly chilled by Tim
Healt, of whom no one was thinking at
the moment, stepping in and adroitly put-
ting spoke in wheel of Bill, by moving to
refer it to Select Committee ; which, being
translated, means it will get no Forwooder
this Session.

Business done.—Tim Healt puts Fok-
wood's clock back.

Friday— Edwakd Watkin home from
honeymooning trip. Pleased to find his
Bill giving the Manchester, Sheffield, and
Lincolnshire Railway direct access to Lon-
don passed all its stages in the Commons.

"It's a new way to London, good Tobt,"
he said, when I congratulated him on the
double event. " Some gentlemen who
paint in St. John's Wood objected on what
I believe are called testhetical grounds.
But there are several big towns between
here and Sheffield wanted the short cut,
and 1 determined they should have it.
Things looked bad last Session, and per-
haps some fellows would have given up.
I have a little way of never giving up, and
it's astonishing how far it'll carry you.
We 're not through the Lords yet,—though,
as you say, we are through their cricket-
ground. But you'll see, before twelve
1 ins W ay to Londo 1.' months are over, I '11 bring a train straight
from Sheffield into our own station in London, and if you only live a
little longer, you shall come with me on the first trip from Charing
Cross to Paris under the Channel Tunnel. Everything, Tobt, cher
ami, comes to the man who won't wait."
Business done.—Small Holdings Bill practically through Committee.

TEAM WAYS.

{From the Netvspapers of the Future.)

April 2, 1894.—The County Council at yesterday's meeting dis-
cussed the proposed new Tramway from Westminster Bridge to the
Round Pond, through the Abbey, St. James's Park and Rotten Row.
Deputations from all the artistic and archasological Societies presented
petitions against it, but the Council refused to read. them. Deputa-
tions from the Institute of Architects and the Society for the
Protection of Ancient Buildings also attended to give their views on
the partial demolition of the Abbey, but they quarrelled so much
amongst themselves that it was necessary to eject them, in order to
prevent a free fight in the Council Chamber. Three Labour Candidates
were then received, the Council standing respectfully, and stated
that at least twenty-seven persons residing in Southwark would

"WHEN PAIN AND ANGUISH WRING THE BROW."

The Minister. "Well, Janet, how did you like yoitk new
Doctor, Dr. Elizabeth Squills ?"

Janet. " Weel, Sir, only pretty well Ye see, Sik, Dr. Eliza-
beth isn't so Leddylike as some of ovr ain Men Doctors ! "

benefit by the direct route to Kensington Gardens. It was at once
resolved that the Tramway should be made.

May 2, 1901.—Yesterday an immense Demonstration of Working-
Men was held in Hyde Park to protest against the extension of the
Tramways. Mr. John Scalds-presided, and observed in his speech,
" What is the good of taking the Working-Man from his own door to
a park, if there is no park at the other end, only asphalte and tram-
lines and some stumps of trees cut down P What is the good of
taking him to Westminster Abbey, if Poets' Corner has been made
into a tramcar-shed? Besides, now the Working-Man is so much
richer, and pays no rates or taxes, he does not want trams. They
are only fit for the miserable Middle Class, and who cares about
them?" This was greeted with loud shouts of, "Down with the
Council! " and the vast assemblage marched with threatening cries
and gestures towards the recently completed County Council Offices.
Our readers are aware that this sumptuous building, which cost over
two millions, occupies the site where St. Paul's Cathedral formerly
stood. It was found, however, that the Council had suddenly ad-
journed, and that all the officials had fled. The workmen accordingly
entered, and, having voted Mr. Scalds to the chair, unanimously
resolved that all the Tramways should be removed and the Parks re-
planted and returfed. It was decided that nothing could be done to
replace the Cathedral or the Abbey, but it was resolved that the
following inscription should be placed on the ruins at Westminster :—
"To the lasting disgrace of the English Nation, this Building,
together with the other beautiful and interesting parts of London,
was ruined, for the sake of some impossible and imbecile schemes, by
an assemblage of the most Despicable Dolts that ever lived."

Mixed.—Under the heading " A Tragic Affair," it was recently
stated in a paragraph, how "a Lady had been shot by a discharged
Servant." It would have been better if the Servant, on being
discharged, had gone off and injured nobody.