DOI issue:
June 11, 1892
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17693#0297
288
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[June 11, 1892.
to-night or never ; so worked it off, speaking for an hour in almost
empty and sadly inattentive House. Tim Healt, not to lose an
opportunity that might be final, joined in debate. Audience being
chiefly composed of Jackson, Tim took opportunity of genially ob-
serving, d propos of the Bill, that if he had to spend his time on a
desert island with either a Chief Secretary or an Irish peasant, he
would prefer th» peasant. " I'm glad of that," said Jackson ; "it
would be lonely for the one that was left. Within a week the popu-
lation would certainly be reduced by one-half. Whether the
survivor would be Tim or the other one, would depend upon circum-
stances." Business done.—Irish Education Bill read Second Time.
Tuesday— Elcho's speech to-day, in supporting Wilfrid Law-
son's Motion against Adjournment over Derby Day, most excellent
fooling. A dangerous thing to play practical jokes with House;
only a person of Elcho's supreme coolness would have faced the
fearful odds. A desperate man having done so, might, by swerv-
ing however slightly to left or right, have made mistake, and been
angrily dropped on by watchful House. Grice-Hutchinson had
some experience of this in his truncated speech. Commenced at
length to be funny in usual ante-Derby Day fashion; beginning to
draw picture of his leading Wilfrid Lawson by hand over Epsom
Downs. Members opposite snorted disapproval; Grice-Hutchinson
abruptly shut up; like the unfinished window in Aladdin's Tower,
his carefully-prepared joke unfinished must remain. With this
awful warning, Elcho rose unperturbed and unabashed. Was a
success from first moment; Speaker artlessly contributed to it;
Gedge had something to say; been popping up whenever opening
occurred; here again competing with Elcho ; which should be
preferred ?
"Does the noble Lord," said Speaker, with bland sarcasm, "rise
to second the Amendment ? "
Now the Amendment was Wilfrid Lawson's, and met with
direct negative proposal to adjourn over Derby Day. Last time
question to the fore Elcho had moved the Adjournment. To sup-
pose he was now going to back up Wilfrid Lawson in opposingit
was an exquisite jape, worthy of the Chair. But Elcho capped it.
" Yes, Sir," he gravely answered.
This was a flash of humour everyone could see. The crowded
House, wearied with what had gone before, positively jumped
at it. But it was a kind of ioke that had to be lived up to.
Could Elcho do it? Would he spoil it by going too far, or
would he shrink affrighted from the position audaciously as-
sumed ? He did just the right thing, in tone, manner, and matter,
affording the House the merriest moments ever enjoyed on a death-
bed. It seemed so good that it was idle to expect anything better to
follow. But something there was. It was the Division, in which
Elcho, walking up to the Table by side of Wilfrid Lawson, acted
as co-teller whilst the figures were announoed that abolished the
Derby Day holiday in the House of Commons. Elcho had had his
jest, and the Opposition had his estate.
Business done,—Motion for Derby Day negatived by 158 Yotes
against 144.
Wednesday.—Spent quite cheerful Derby Day in Commons.
House met shortly after
twelve; when I say House,
I mean the Speaker and me.
" Dearly beloved Toby," said
the Speaker, " it seems we 're
to have the place to ourselves."
But presently Howell ar-
rived, and Gedge, terribly
afraid that he should miss
prayers. " I suppose my op-
portunities will not be ex-
tended. Stockport doesn't seem
to care to have me in the new
Parliament, and I 'mnot aware
of any competition for my
hand among other constitu-
encies. So I mean to make the
most of what time is left. I
fancy they '11 at least miss me
at St. Margaret's. Proudest
moment in my life, Toby, when
the other Sunday, I overheard
one of the Vergers saying to
another, ' Man and boy I 've
been in this 'ere church for
forty year, but I never heard a
Amen carry so far as Muster
Gedge pitches his.' It's some-
thing to be appreciated, Toby.
6 t0 *• (<• md °0 Can't say that House of Com-
mons has taken to mc kindly; but toward what may be the_close of a
Parliamentary career, the tribute of this honest Verger is, I will
admit, soothin:
(12*25.)—Gedge moves Count; bells ring; Sol/ire of Malwood
strolls in with the pleased expression of a man who might be at the
Derby, but isn't; Horace Davy and some others ; all told only 13.
" If you '11 excuse me, Gentlemen," said the Speaker, " I '11 retire;
look in again little later."
(1 p.m. )—Speaker back in Chair; Attorney-General moves Count;
bells ring as before ; Squire of Malwood again comes in; no decep-
tion ; wasn't lurking about with intent to show up in House, then
rush off to catch half-past twelve train for Epsom. Heads counted;
only 19 present; must have forty or no House. " Look here, Gentle-
men," said the Speaker, "this won't do. The Chair is not to be
trifled with. I shall again retire, and won't come back till four
o'clock, or till I am assured there are forty Members present."
Speaker gathered up skirts and strode forth. Three hours before
House can be Counted Out. What's to be done in the time ? Elliot
Lees determines to make a book;
6 to 4 no House (t. and o.); Henry
Fowler wouldn't bet; but Eoby
put something on, and Albert
Eollit staked a fiver.
(4 p.m.) — Speaker' back "again ;
House much fuller now; Elliot
Lees looking anxious ; made a nice
book if he can only pull it off. But
arrival of half a aozen Members
would upset everything. Eoby and
Albert Eollit rushing about cor-
ridors trying to bring men in ; Lees
Knowles moves Count; more ring-
ing of bells; Eollit and Eoby, on
picket-duty to last moment, nearly
locked out; Speaker counts; finds
only 35. " The House will now ad-
journ," says the Speaker. " Don't
see why we should have met at
all," says Eoby, snappishly. " 7do,"
says Elliot Lees, making his little
collection. "I've had a pleasant
and profitable afternoon."
Business done.—House not made.
Friday.—House met at two o' clock;
might have sat till seven; but at five
minutes to five gently broke up.
AYon't be back till Thursday. "Not U17 , TT , ,,
much of a holiday," said Viscount " formerly of the Herts Miliha."
Grimstone, formerly of the Herts Militia ; " better make the most
of it; " and he set off at the rate of five miles an hour.
Business done.—Adjourned for the Whitsun Eecess.
The Vigorous Vicar.—
Dr. Mills of Coventry, to
which place his bitterest
enemies cannot relegate
him as he is already there,
acts up to his name, as a
Member of the Church
Militant, with pluck and
perseverance, whetherright
or wrong it is not for ami-
cus curice to say. But, it
may be asked, is this action
for the rates, on the part
of the Vicar, a Vicar's
first - Eate Act or not ?
Some parishioners suspend
payment; we suspend judg-
ment.
Very Natural Error.— A gentle-
man who up till now has been a quiet
sort of man, with nothing suggestive of
the "P. E." about him, sent to excuse
himself from appearing at our old friend
Mrs. Eam's dinner-party, because as he
wrote to her nephew, who read the letter
aloud, " I am off to see Woodhall Spa."
" What! " she exclaimed, " Prize-fight-
ing beginning again! And isn't Mr.
Woodhall, or Wood all, a Member of
Parliament ? He ought to know better.
Where are the police ? "
"It will Wash!"—"Abolition of
the House of Peers ! " No, stop—spell it
with an "a," and make it " Pears,"—
now a Company Limited. Going along in
first-rate style. The Pears' Soap Christ-
mas Book, illustrated, is to be a new edi-
tion of '' His Soaps Fables." Next form
of advertisement,—"Very good morn-
ing ! Just bought Pears' Soap Shares."
French Plays in London.—The old
saying applies, "They do these things
better in France." London prefers to go
to Paris for its French plays ; but when
two rivals, a Bernhardt andaCoQUELLN,
come over to London, Londoners give the
lady a chance of making her charming
voice heard, but the clever French actor
has, literally, to " shut up."
Eoyal Decision.—When the Queen
goes from Balmoral to Mar Lodge, Her
Majesty takes a Deesided course.
Qq-p NOTICE—Rejected Communications «r Contributions, whether MS., Printed Matter, Drawings, or Pictures of any description, Will
in no case be returned, not even when accompanied by a Stamped and Addressed Envelope, Cover, or Wrapper. To this rtua
there will be no exception.
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[June 11, 1892.
to-night or never ; so worked it off, speaking for an hour in almost
empty and sadly inattentive House. Tim Healt, not to lose an
opportunity that might be final, joined in debate. Audience being
chiefly composed of Jackson, Tim took opportunity of genially ob-
serving, d propos of the Bill, that if he had to spend his time on a
desert island with either a Chief Secretary or an Irish peasant, he
would prefer th» peasant. " I'm glad of that," said Jackson ; "it
would be lonely for the one that was left. Within a week the popu-
lation would certainly be reduced by one-half. Whether the
survivor would be Tim or the other one, would depend upon circum-
stances." Business done.—Irish Education Bill read Second Time.
Tuesday— Elcho's speech to-day, in supporting Wilfrid Law-
son's Motion against Adjournment over Derby Day, most excellent
fooling. A dangerous thing to play practical jokes with House;
only a person of Elcho's supreme coolness would have faced the
fearful odds. A desperate man having done so, might, by swerv-
ing however slightly to left or right, have made mistake, and been
angrily dropped on by watchful House. Grice-Hutchinson had
some experience of this in his truncated speech. Commenced at
length to be funny in usual ante-Derby Day fashion; beginning to
draw picture of his leading Wilfrid Lawson by hand over Epsom
Downs. Members opposite snorted disapproval; Grice-Hutchinson
abruptly shut up; like the unfinished window in Aladdin's Tower,
his carefully-prepared joke unfinished must remain. With this
awful warning, Elcho rose unperturbed and unabashed. Was a
success from first moment; Speaker artlessly contributed to it;
Gedge had something to say; been popping up whenever opening
occurred; here again competing with Elcho ; which should be
preferred ?
"Does the noble Lord," said Speaker, with bland sarcasm, "rise
to second the Amendment ? "
Now the Amendment was Wilfrid Lawson's, and met with
direct negative proposal to adjourn over Derby Day. Last time
question to the fore Elcho had moved the Adjournment. To sup-
pose he was now going to back up Wilfrid Lawson in opposingit
was an exquisite jape, worthy of the Chair. But Elcho capped it.
" Yes, Sir," he gravely answered.
This was a flash of humour everyone could see. The crowded
House, wearied with what had gone before, positively jumped
at it. But it was a kind of ioke that had to be lived up to.
Could Elcho do it? Would he spoil it by going too far, or
would he shrink affrighted from the position audaciously as-
sumed ? He did just the right thing, in tone, manner, and matter,
affording the House the merriest moments ever enjoyed on a death-
bed. It seemed so good that it was idle to expect anything better to
follow. But something there was. It was the Division, in which
Elcho, walking up to the Table by side of Wilfrid Lawson, acted
as co-teller whilst the figures were announoed that abolished the
Derby Day holiday in the House of Commons. Elcho had had his
jest, and the Opposition had his estate.
Business done,—Motion for Derby Day negatived by 158 Yotes
against 144.
Wednesday.—Spent quite cheerful Derby Day in Commons.
House met shortly after
twelve; when I say House,
I mean the Speaker and me.
" Dearly beloved Toby," said
the Speaker, " it seems we 're
to have the place to ourselves."
But presently Howell ar-
rived, and Gedge, terribly
afraid that he should miss
prayers. " I suppose my op-
portunities will not be ex-
tended. Stockport doesn't seem
to care to have me in the new
Parliament, and I 'mnot aware
of any competition for my
hand among other constitu-
encies. So I mean to make the
most of what time is left. I
fancy they '11 at least miss me
at St. Margaret's. Proudest
moment in my life, Toby, when
the other Sunday, I overheard
one of the Vergers saying to
another, ' Man and boy I 've
been in this 'ere church for
forty year, but I never heard a
Amen carry so far as Muster
Gedge pitches his.' It's some-
thing to be appreciated, Toby.
6 t0 *• (<• md °0 Can't say that House of Com-
mons has taken to mc kindly; but toward what may be the_close of a
Parliamentary career, the tribute of this honest Verger is, I will
admit, soothin:
(12*25.)—Gedge moves Count; bells ring; Sol/ire of Malwood
strolls in with the pleased expression of a man who might be at the
Derby, but isn't; Horace Davy and some others ; all told only 13.
" If you '11 excuse me, Gentlemen," said the Speaker, " I '11 retire;
look in again little later."
(1 p.m. )—Speaker back in Chair; Attorney-General moves Count;
bells ring as before ; Squire of Malwood again comes in; no decep-
tion ; wasn't lurking about with intent to show up in House, then
rush off to catch half-past twelve train for Epsom. Heads counted;
only 19 present; must have forty or no House. " Look here, Gentle-
men," said the Speaker, "this won't do. The Chair is not to be
trifled with. I shall again retire, and won't come back till four
o'clock, or till I am assured there are forty Members present."
Speaker gathered up skirts and strode forth. Three hours before
House can be Counted Out. What's to be done in the time ? Elliot
Lees determines to make a book;
6 to 4 no House (t. and o.); Henry
Fowler wouldn't bet; but Eoby
put something on, and Albert
Eollit staked a fiver.
(4 p.m.) — Speaker' back "again ;
House much fuller now; Elliot
Lees looking anxious ; made a nice
book if he can only pull it off. But
arrival of half a aozen Members
would upset everything. Eoby and
Albert Eollit rushing about cor-
ridors trying to bring men in ; Lees
Knowles moves Count; more ring-
ing of bells; Eollit and Eoby, on
picket-duty to last moment, nearly
locked out; Speaker counts; finds
only 35. " The House will now ad-
journ," says the Speaker. " Don't
see why we should have met at
all," says Eoby, snappishly. " 7do,"
says Elliot Lees, making his little
collection. "I've had a pleasant
and profitable afternoon."
Business done.—House not made.
Friday.—House met at two o' clock;
might have sat till seven; but at five
minutes to five gently broke up.
AYon't be back till Thursday. "Not U17 , TT , ,,
much of a holiday," said Viscount " formerly of the Herts Miliha."
Grimstone, formerly of the Herts Militia ; " better make the most
of it; " and he set off at the rate of five miles an hour.
Business done.—Adjourned for the Whitsun Eecess.
The Vigorous Vicar.—
Dr. Mills of Coventry, to
which place his bitterest
enemies cannot relegate
him as he is already there,
acts up to his name, as a
Member of the Church
Militant, with pluck and
perseverance, whetherright
or wrong it is not for ami-
cus curice to say. But, it
may be asked, is this action
for the rates, on the part
of the Vicar, a Vicar's
first - Eate Act or not ?
Some parishioners suspend
payment; we suspend judg-
ment.
Very Natural Error.— A gentle-
man who up till now has been a quiet
sort of man, with nothing suggestive of
the "P. E." about him, sent to excuse
himself from appearing at our old friend
Mrs. Eam's dinner-party, because as he
wrote to her nephew, who read the letter
aloud, " I am off to see Woodhall Spa."
" What! " she exclaimed, " Prize-fight-
ing beginning again! And isn't Mr.
Woodhall, or Wood all, a Member of
Parliament ? He ought to know better.
Where are the police ? "
"It will Wash!"—"Abolition of
the House of Peers ! " No, stop—spell it
with an "a," and make it " Pears,"—
now a Company Limited. Going along in
first-rate style. The Pears' Soap Christ-
mas Book, illustrated, is to be a new edi-
tion of '' His Soaps Fables." Next form
of advertisement,—"Very good morn-
ing ! Just bought Pears' Soap Shares."
French Plays in London.—The old
saying applies, "They do these things
better in France." London prefers to go
to Paris for its French plays ; but when
two rivals, a Bernhardt andaCoQUELLN,
come over to London, Londoners give the
lady a chance of making her charming
voice heard, but the clever French actor
has, literally, to " shut up."
Eoyal Decision.—When the Queen
goes from Balmoral to Mar Lodge, Her
Majesty takes a Deesided course.
Qq-p NOTICE—Rejected Communications «r Contributions, whether MS., Printed Matter, Drawings, or Pictures of any description, Will
in no case be returned, not even when accompanied by a Stamped and Addressed Envelope, Cover, or Wrapper. To this rtua
there will be no exception.