Punch: Punch (56.1869)

8

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[January 9, 1869.

A COUNTRY-HOUSE STUDY.

Sister. “ Tom, I think this must be one of your Gaiters. 1 can’t
get it on!”

THE RITUALIST RAT.

0Sung in Character before the Judicial Committee of
the Privy Council.)

People talk of Church Mice,

And. they call ns Church Rats.

We, with, subterfuge nice,

Dodge your dogs and your cats.

All your traps we defy,

We despise all your gins :

Ma’am, we don’t want to pry.

But—confess us your sins.

No, you can’t rout us out—

Legal ferrets are vain.

You go idly about
Rats of our sort to bane.

So we nibble your loaves,

And your fisbes we gnaw.

To get rid of us coves.

You have too little law.

You behold your Church all
Undermined with our holes.

Well, suppose it should fall.

We ’ll take care of your souls.

We shall know when to flee.

Prom a tumbling-down home.

To the Fisherman’s See,

Ratting over to Rome.

May be Seen any Day.

Visitors to the New Metropolitan Meat Market in
Smithfield are struck with the appropriateness of a name
which appears over one of the stalls there—Silverside.
Killby, too, they think not out of place, and when they
read at the foot of an announcement of the “ Annual
Dress Ball in aid of the Building Fund of the Butchers’
Charitable Association,” that the name of the Hon. Sec. is
—Butcher, they go away happy.

Residence for the Clerk of the Weather.—“ The
Clearing-House.”

1

J

THE DANGEROUS CLASSES IN DANGER,

Scene—A Thieves' Public Rouse.

William. James.

James. Well, Bill, wot’s to come o’ this here Re-formed Parliment P

William. We shall see. ’Tis pro-rogued.

James. Ah ! P ro-rogued no doubt, but I’m afeard it’s goin’ to be
anti-rogue.

William. In wot way, Jim ?

James. Well, yer see. Bill, there’s a precious cry the respectable
beggars is now a gettin up for wot they calls the pertection of Society
agin the dangerous clarses. That’s we.

William. IIo, ho, ho !

James. You was never whipped. It’s no larfin matter, I can tell
yer.

William. Who’s a goin to be whipped, unless he uses wilence ? and
there ain’t no downright needcessity for that.

James. ’Twouldn’t surprise me one bit if Parliament was to order
whippin for any fakement wotsomdever. Cause why? Cause it’s’ad
sitch a effect upon garottin.

William. Cats is cheap, Jim.

fames. That’s jest it. _ And this here new Parliment is likely to be ,
economical, particler with that blessed Bob Lowe Chancellor of the !
Exchequer, i

WilliaiA. No doubt but wot a whippin and twenty-one days is wus
than five years penial servitude alone.

James. A precious sight. I know I’d rayther be in for ten year
than two dozen lashes. Werry likely Parliment’s aware o’ that fact,
and may think it a. good deal better and cheaper to whip me and send
me back to my pals than to keep me in quod.

William. As I heard your namesake Jem the Penman once say,
“ Plato, thou reasonest well.”

James. Too well, I’m afeard. They won’t need for to keep us in
quod neither, if they does wot I expects they will.

William. W Ot S uuau :

James. Wy pass a blessed lawr exposin’ hevery bloke conwicted of
a fust offence to so many years sirvelliauce of the blessed Police, j

William, Wot will the Bobbies do, then?

James. Foller yer about wherever you goes, and if they suspects
you’ve are a little game on ’and, search ye, to see if yer carrips any
tools. If they finds any sitch thing as a jemmy about yer, or skellintons, ;
they ’ll hike yer off to be tried for intendin’ to commit a felony. Which,
bein’ conwicted, praps you ’ll be whipped all the same as if yer had.

William. YVot a blessed shame ! So this is ’ow you expects the new
' Parliment to serve we. Call that a Reformed Parliment ?

James. We ain’t represented. Bill.

William. And yet the Railway and Jinte Stock interest is.

James. That ain’t no more than ’arf a representation of the minority.

William. They talks of doin’ away with the disqualification of the
Compound Householder. I tell yer wot it is, Jim. There won’t be no !
reg’lar Reform until they enfranchises the Compound Housebreaker.

James. Bill, let’s ’ave a demon-stration in ’Yde Park.

* William. Jim, I’m yer man. Representation for the Residivuml
Rut, in the meantime, I’m gallus afeard Parliment will anyhow put
ns under the sirvelliance of the Police.

James. Which in course must be the total destruction of our lively-
wood, and then our only halternat-ive will be industry or the workus.

William. Which is wus than the j ale. Yah!

James. Yah! Ah! [Scene closes.

A Card,

Britannia presents her compliments to Punch, aud begs to observe,
ou the suggestion that she should give up Gibraltar for Ceuta, that
Gibraltar does suit ber, aud Ceuta don’t suit her.

ADA TO FRED.—Dinner forget—if you like. Metis ne m' oubliezpasr
mon petit chat. If 3’ou do, by George ! nothing earthly can console
me, excepting Punch's Almanack, and that is really heavenly!