Punch: Punch (56.1869)

January 23, 186J.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

25

“SOUR GRAPES.”

Old Bachelor Friend (to Paterfamilias, who was disposed to chaff him on his single cursedness). “ You see, Jack, you ’ve gone in fcp

the Olive-Branches ; I stick to the Olives, my Boy ! ! ”

THE RITUALISM OE TERPSICHORE.

A certain man went the other night to a ball at past ten o’clock,
and he did not come away till three. He believes he left the whole of
the dancers behind him, except two young ladies and their Mamma,
whom he took away—he is bound to add, at their own time. Nobody
else, that he knows of, had gone but a gentleman who did not dance,
and who did not care to stay because he could only get claret-
cup and not any brandy-and-water. The gentleman might have danced
if he had remained, but then again he might not, for there is no affirm-
ing the converse of Nemo salted sobrius. Indeed that aphorism itself is
not altogether undeniable. The companion of those three ladies danced,
and he was never drunk in his life—on duty. He danced attendance,

1 to be sure—that was all.

By the w^, he would fain remind the numerous girls whose educa-
tion has enabled them to construe Latin, that the insobriety pro-
nounced by Cicero conditional to dancing, does not necessarily imply
brandy-and-water, or anything like it, or even so much as claret-cup. It
is quite compatible with nothing stronger than Adam’s ale; as teeto-
| tallers often demonstrate by their demonstrations.

He has heard serious people object to dancing. If they would but
go to a ball and see any, they would find it no laughing matter. He
can assure them that the most part of dancers go through the amuse-
ment of spinning round and round, and wheeling in prescribed direc-
tions, with perfect gravity. In one dance, indeed, named “The
Lancers,” this man, who had never for many years witnessed any
dancing out of a theatre, where it was incidental to some otherwise
rational performance, beheld a sort of gesticulation ceremonious to the
degree of absolute solemnity. The parties concerned in this action
stood facing each other and bowed half-way to the ground. An idea
then struck him. He thought it would answer the purpose of a com-
poser of dance-music to publish a Ritualist Quadrille, with a coloured
ortrait of Mr. Macron ochie in full pontificals on the face of it.
t occurred to him that a dance illustrative of Ritualism would afford
ample scope for the display of grace aud elegance in congees and genu-

flections, and that the Terpsichorean rubric of chassez-croissez, especially
croissez, might be executed in characteristic style. Also that occasion
would be afforded by a Ritualist Quadrille for wearing the most mag-
nificent vestments, liable to no possibility of prohibition by the Privy
Council, that flowers might be exhibited in profusion, candles burnt by
gas-light, and eau-de-Cologne or kiss-me-quick could do duty for
incense.

[The writer of this article has a wooden leg, and a tendency to
bunions on his remaining natural foot.—Ed.]

“ GIB.”

When gentle Prance gives up Algiers,
Prussia the kingdoms lately gripped,

Off from Circassia Russia sheers.

And Sam’s Red Indians prowl unwhipped:
When Italy surrenders Naples,

Spain’s fangs on Cuba’s neck unlock,

We ’ll think about Gibraltar’s ape hills,

And then we ’ll—keep the grand Old Rock.

The Logic of Bribery.

It is the opinion of a good many free and independent British
electors that bribery is not only in nowise wrong; but, on the contrary,
quite right and proper. They argue that liberty to barter their votes
for a sovereign, or any number of sovereigns, is a prerogative of the
sovereignty inherent in the Sovereign People, and that there is not one
of all our most cherished institutions more valuable than Sovereign
Alley.

A THOUGHT IN THE GRILL ROOM.

Smithfield was once notorious for its stake, but now, with tie
great meat market there, it will become famous for its steaks.