Punch: Punch (56.1869)

74

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[February 20, 1869.

LITTLE AND GOOD.

EISHMONGERING. A MYSTERY.

“ Polonius. Do you know me, my Lord ?

“ Hamlet. Excellent well. You are a Fishmonger.

11Polonius. Not I, my Lord.

“ Hamlet. Then I would you were as honest a man.”

Hamlet, Act ii. Scene 2.

“ The immortal Williams” down upon it, as usual!
Although the Fishmongers’ Company had not yet, in his
time, hoisted the true blue flag, as the Liberal Phoenix
of City companies, his prophetic pen has bracketed for
evermore Fishmonger with Honest Man.

And now Gladstone, whom, in his opinions, his
enemies declare to be “ neither fish, lesh, fowl, nor good
red herring,” but in whom Punch devoutly believes as
honest man, is, in sober earnest, the Fishmonger that
Hamlet’s “wild and whirling words” dubbed Polonius.
From this time forth he can at once enjoy the Fishmongers’
room and the Fishmongers’ Company, and will find it
hard to say that the one is better than the other, the first
being the most stately of halls, as the second is the most
go-ahead of guilds.

And why should Ministers not be Fishmongers F Unless,
indeed, it be thought that to become free of the Fish-
mongers is lese-majeste in Ministers to their own special
mystery—the L oayes-and-F is h-mon gers .

Otherwise, the connection between Ministers and Fish-
mongers is obvious and manifold. Like the Apostles,
Ministers are fishers of men. In the way of votes all is
fish that comes to their net—odd fish or flat fish, fresh fish
or stale fish, fish with scales (to weight them in) and more
without, fish with tails (like the large family of the Tad-
poles) and fish with no more tail than Whalley.

Everybody has enjoyed their flounders when in diffi-
culties ; has heard their opponents denounce their bills
as “fishy,” and has seen them trying to cobble up a bad
measure by help of fresh soles and ’eels. Who ever
knew a ticklish negotiation, when a certain Lord was at
the F.O., but he was charged with helping to mull it?
Above all, their demand for place is, as a rule, rather over
the supply. They will take any quantity that is offered,
and seldom care how high they bid against each other to
secure it.

Gentleman. “ Who do these Pigs belong to, Boy ? ”

1 Chaw.' “Why, this ’ere owd Zow.”

Gentleman. “Yes, yes; but I mean who’s their Master?”

‘ Chaw.' “ Why, that there Little ’un ; he’s a Varmun to Foight !

Algebraic Etiquette.

It is polite to believe a man to be rich unless he
bears signs of poverty. As in algebra, plus is understood
when there is no minus presented.

CULLEN’S PARADISE.

(See the Speech of the Cardinal Archbishop at the Dublin banquet)
Air—“ We may roam through this world."

We may roam through this world. North and South, West and
Fast,

For the soles of our feet and our faith seeking rest.

From the kingdoms of earth we know best and like least.

To the kingdoms of earth we know least and like best;

But if peace in this world and place in Heaven
Are the choicest blessings that life supplies.

Seek these where Infallibility’s leaven
Helps poor mortality’s dough to rise—

In that land of lands where the Pope sits crowned,

Where Faith is at anchor, and Truth at home.

Where Doubt is dumbfoundered and Heresy bound,

Seek these in that Heaven upon Earth called Rome!

Poor England in constant hot water is kept
By heretical jangle and wrangle and brawl;

Through her Church’s pale blind Reason has crept,

And with fruits of faith played the tdeuce and all.

Ah, she wants the high and holy fence
Which round Rome’s blessed dominion dwells,

Admitting belief while it shuts out sense,

And reason’s bewildering light repels.

Then remember who in the flesh sits crowned
’Neath the one true cross on St. Peter’s dome;

In the deluge of doubt who would not be drowned.

Must ship in the Ark—Peter’s bark at Rome !

France under Imperial colours may sail;

Her Col'ere de Bismarck let Prussia try :

Spain may make Patronicio and Claret turn tail.
And Italy bid the Church good-bye—

Pio Nono on bay’nets be forced to sit,

French cannon guard Civita Yecchia’s shore,

Rome loves the gag and adores the bit,

More kisses her rod as she’s whipped the more :
Then remember, when nations run their round
As by reason’s will of the wisp they roam.

In one spot faith’s steady light is found.

And that is the Heaven upon Earth, called Rome !

AN ANTI-EARTHQUAKE COMPANY (LIMITED).

Thus says the Leading Journal:—•

“ Earthquake Times.—The citizens of San Francisco have formed ayom-
mittee to inquire into the means of preventing or lessening the destruction of
property by earthquakes. The bricks used in building are reported to be very
defective, and it is proposed to adopt a method of bracing buildings with iron
rods.”

A good precaution. But wouldn’t it be better to construct the
houses, as to their framework, altogether of iron, and build them on
springs ? Here is a suggestion for the benefit of any enterprising
speculators whom the revival of credit may dispose to invest capital in
a promising speculation. How much for the idea ? “ Gentlemen

Capitalists,” as Cabby says, “ Leave it to you.”

A Joint Stock Company could be formed for the purpose of supplying
the San Franciscans and others in like case with iron architecture.
Then iron might be profitably exchanged for gold.

“ The Lord Chamberlain’s Charge.”—A Three-Act Drama,
two guineas.