Punch: Punch (56.1869)

84

PUNCH, OK, THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[February 27, 1869.

THE FOG

“ Lauks, Mumj it was that Thick, Sairy an’ I couldn't find the Way
to the Public-’ouse ! ”

DINNER AND DICTIONARY.

Mr. Punch,

I read that “ The Dictionary Club held their second dinner,” and for the
first time iD my life I think of a Dictionary as convivial, enjoying itself in tem-
porary forgetfulness of all the cares and anxieties of derivation, definition, and
orthoepy. I amuse myself with wondering what the rules can be which, each member
of this club is expected to have imprinted on his memory. I assume that every-
body present is bound to employ in conversation at table only such words as are to
be found in our best Dictionaries ; and that any member is fined a page of John-
son, folio edition, to be learnt off by heart and recited fasting at the next meeting,
who, when warmed by generous wine, has the misfortune to let drop a slang or
colloquial expression. Then I picture to myself all the company rising when the
cloth is drawn, and drinking, in solemn silence, the toast of “ The Health of the
Great Lexicographer,” and see them immediately afterwards busy with a word, say
concrete, or idiosyncrasy, or metaphysics, or protoplasm, or something of the same
simple character, just sufficient to exercise the brain and assist the digestion, and
writing their definition of it down on a piece of paper (with illustrative quota-
tions), for the Chairman of the evening to read out, and the assembly to decide
which is the best. Engaged in such harmless recreation, I can imagine the club
spending a most agreeable evening over their words and wine. Probably between
the definitions they have a quire to sing to them some charming little Anglo-
Saxon morgeau, or comic song in Low Dutch.

Nothing further suggests itself to me at present, except that I cannot doubt there
is a stringent regulation to prevent gentlemen being carried away by philological
excitement, and getting three sheets in the wind; and another forbidding the use
of cabs or vehicles of any kind, either in coming to, or going from, the place of
meeting, every member of such a Club being reasonably expected to be a Walking
Dictionary. ' S. Johnson Walker.

A Pleasing- Conviction.

There are certain Theatres in London to which we go, feeling sure that if not
delighted ourselves, we are certain to see others transported, such is the character I
of the pieces produced. i

A GENUINE MASON.

Dedicated as our Contribution to First-class Sergeant Mason,
of the X Division, recently rewarded and promoted for his
gallant conduct on the 'oth of January last.

It was the time ’twixt night and mom.

Four burglars iu a cart were borne.

Along the Uxbridge Road.

They had been practising their art.

And all their plunder in the cart.

Had safe away been stowed.

They do not fear to laugh and talk
Over each silver spoon or fork.

The four were named thus :—

First Downy Dick, then Stunning Jem,

The next the “Doctor,” and with them
Comes the gay magsman Gus.

A figure on the road is clear,

A mounted officer draws near—

“ A Peeler !” cries young Dick.

“ ’Tis Sergeant Mason,” says the one
Who knew him best, “ By goles we ’re done.
Doctor! we ’ll hook it quick.”

The Sergeant stops the trotting mare,

“ I know yon all—what have you there ?

You’re prisoners—yield to me.”

“ What four to one, and prisoners 1 No !

Back from the rein you fool, leave go! ”

Cries Dick, no coward he. .

They ply the whip, but ’tis too late.

The mare o’erburdened by the weight,

Against the lash revolts.

Then Sergeant Mason seizes Gus,

And Dick. Says Jem, “ He shan’t take us.”

And with the Doctor bolts.

Unequal combat! two to one,

Both armed with bludgeons. Then the Sun
Rises to view the fight.

It sees two burglars on the ground.

By hero-sergeant tightly bound,

And crowns him with its light.

Rewards I trow has Mason gained,.

Guerdons more honourably obtained
Were never yet bestow’d.

Say are there more like Mason who
Stopped the four burglars and bound two
U pon the U xbridge Road ?

THOSE DREADFUL BOYS !

Mr. Mann, in a paper read at the Statistical Society,
proposes to employ “ boys ” to do one-third of the work of
the public offices.

Well—the Public Offices may want to be kept afloat, now
that everybody is trying to run them down, but we should
doubt the feasibility of buoying them up in this way. To
judge by Mr. Punch’s experience of “boys” in bis own
office, he is disposed to think they spoil quite as much in
bad work as they save in salary, to say nothing of the wear
and tear of temper and waste of time in looking after them.
On these grounds he protests against the whole arrange-
ment—Mann and boy!

From the Archbishop of York.

Dear Mr. Punch, Eaton Place.

Why did the Ministers make the Queen call the
Commons the Popular branch of the legislature ? Was it
not rude to ignore what I said in my City speech, and what
Professor Thorold Rogers does not seem to like, namely,
that we Bishops are the Popular element, and a prion.
Liberals? Ministers may disendow churches, but should
not snub churchmen. Allow us to be populares, while they
are populantes. Please, preach on this text. I mean,
remark on this subject, and oblige.

Yours, faithfully,

William Ebor.


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