Punch (71.1876)

October 7, 1876.1 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

147

the relative rank already attained by his civilian rival, "the
learned Pig." The Officer Commanding the Garrison is expected
to assume a vague superintendence over the local military library.
No donation of books for libraries (sect. 15, par. 103) is to be
accepted until they shall have been approved by him. Consequently
the Commandant of the Garrison may sometimes have to perform
the duties appertaining to the post of a publisher's_ "reader."
Should he be unpopular, it is a capital joke to send this unfortu-
nate Officer a large collection of old five-act tragedies or (better still)
comedies in blank verse. He must read them all before the dona-
tion can be accepted.

conversation on section III.

Ensign Eugene. My dear Mr. Punch, can you kindly tell us the
duties of the Commander of a Garrison ?

Mr. Punch. Certainly, my dear Ensign Eugene, of the Volunteers.
The duties of the Commandant are presumed to be to attend dinners,
to marry his daughters to eligible elder sons, and to snub the Civil
Authorities.

Colonel Charles. I see, Sir, that you do not altogether approve of
the sentiments of Sir Garnet Wolseley. Now, Sir, when I am out
for our training I follow that gallant Officer's advice. I do not
encourage the presence of the Press at our inspection, and yet the
Mudborough Mercury invariably publishes two columns of matter
to our praise.

_ Mr. Punch. Written, I presume, by your Adjutant. Quite
right, my dear Colonel Charles, of the Royal East Mudborough
Militia. As many of our Generals would doubtless say, the story of
an important campaign should be written by one of the Staff.

Lieutenant and Captain George. And who is Sir Garnet, Mr.
Punch?

Mr. Punch. My dear Lieutenant and Captain George, of the
Grenadiers Green, Sir Garnet Wolseley, in spite of one or two
little foibles, is one of the very best soldiers of this or any other
age. He has seen any amount of fighting.

Lieutenant and Captain George. Ah, to be sure, he doesn't belong
to our branch of the Service.

Field-Marshal Sir Frank Geegee, K.C.B. And yet dear little
Sir Frank never did any fighting, and yet he was made a Field-
Marshal. Why did they make dear little Sir Frank a Field-
Marshal ?

Mr. Punch. Because, my good little man, Britannia wanted a
curiosity ?

BROBDINGNAG TO LAPUTA.

The greatest of all the recent wonders of Spiritualism is the
amazing communication narrated by a Correspondent of the Times,
as follows:—

" A friend of mine who has just returned from America tells me that he, a
short time since, attended a seance, at which the Medium obtained messages
from several celebrities of both ancient and modern times, and, among others,
one (at the request of my friend) from Bucephalus, who condescended to
inform the company that he still took great interest in literary pursuits,
particularly in connection with education."

Spoken like the spirit of a noble animal. In general the messages
received through Mediums from defunct celebrities, whether modern
or ancient, seem to have come from Donkeys—and to be addressed
to their kind.

A D/EDALUS AT DOVER.

alph Stott,. a
Gentleman of
Dover, has in-
vented a new Fly-
ing Machine. A
morning contem-
porary says that
Mr. Stott has
gone to Berlin, for
the purpose of
having an inter-
view with Prince
Bismarck, who is
understood to
have requested
him to furnish
particulars with
the object of
ascertaining how
the machine can
be utilised in war-
fare. If, as is
stated, Mr. Stott
can by means of
it '' propel him-
self through the
air at the rate
of a mile per mi-
nute, or up to the speed of one hundred miles an hour," and, by
means of a break-power, applied by a wheel, "can make the
machine stationary in mid air, or fly at any speed which the
occupant of the car can bear," no doubt he is exceedingly well
"prepared to assure the German Government" that his Flying
Machine would "be invaluable for purposes of war." For the
purpose of ascertaining an enemy's position its convenience may be
imagined ; but, besides, it may be capable of being employed in
actual warfare. By-and-by, perhaps, armies will come to be pro-
vided with real flying squadrons, and troops will actually fight in
the clouds. Musketry will be carried to'a height of perfection even
greater than it has now attained ; riflemen will have to be able to
shoot Hying, and bring down their man on the wing. The introduc-
tion of the Flying Machine among warlike engines, and its applica-
tion to military purposes, will of course constitute a fearfully costly
addition to armaments already bloated; but the cheap defence of
nations is now no longer possible, and Governments, in their martial
preparations, are obliged to be regardless of expense. However, the
Flying Machine, it appears, has yet to be tried. Prince Bismarck
will probably suspend his judgment about it until its inventor shall
have flown over the Channel, in which, let us hope, that our British
Daedalus may not come, like Icarus rather, to such grief as will
assimilate it in sad celebrity, to the iEgean Sea.

BOYS IN BAD COMPANY.

Ought not Prisons to be also as much as possible Reformatories ?
Then, what a mistake is made in rendering them just the_reverse ;
as, for instance, in the case referred to the other day at Lincoln by
Mr. Plimsoll, in replying to a complimentary address from some
Working Men. A customary sight there until lately was, he said,
that "of lads,' sentenced for various terms of imprisonment at
Grimsby, marching, manacled together, from the railway station to
the Lindsay Prison." An edifying spectacle on the face of it to
street Arabs and other juvenile offenders ! But these youths were
not pickpockets, that they should have been handcuffed, as they
were ; though this is now so no longer :—

" The manacling was now abolished ; but the boys were still sent to gaol
for breach of contract, and he had that morning seen, clad in prison dress, in
the same prison as the worst of criminals, boys whose fine open countenances
assured him that they had no right to be there—boys to whom he should not
hesitate a moment to hand a sovereign for change. It was a shame and a
disgrace that such boys were to be found in a prison for merely breaking a
bargain, and he hoped, and felt assured, some other punishment would soon
be found, for such offenders."

Is it desirable that evil communications from rogues and thieves
should corrupt the good manners of boys innocent of anything much
worse than playing truant, but compelled to associate with common
criminals ? Imprisonment may serve them right, and so may hard
labour, but could they not at least be confined apart from the
convicts, allowed to wear their own clothing, and have a treadmill
all to themselves ? In all that a certain Personage is said to look
over in Lincoln the sight of those boys and those blackguards in
companionship must be as pleasing to him as anything.