Punch (74.1878)

Mabch 9, 1878.]

PUNCH, OH THE LONDON CHAKIVARL

107

CAVE CAN EM!

PROBLEMS FOR THE NEW
POPE.

Inheriting spiritual apart from
temporal sovereignty, Leo the
Thirteenth will be enabled to mind
tbe business of a Pope without being
distracted by that of a King. There
are certain points on which Lumen
in Ccelo may be expected to en-
lighten him. In particular :—

How to make Theology and Geology
put their horses together.

How in all other points to square
Faith with Science.

Infallibility ought also to be able :
To declare whether the Apparition
of La Salette was a miracle or a hoax.

To pronounce a like judgment res-
pecting—

The Apparition of Lourdes.
The Holy House at Loretto.
The Image which used to wink

at Rimini.
The Liquefaction of the Blood of
Saint Januarius.
Withal :—

To come to terms with United
Italy, and discover a modus vivendi
on Peter's Pence, supplemented
by a handsome allowance from the
Italian Government.

Gold in New Guinea.

{See Goldie's Discovery, Times, Feb. 23.)

There's gold in New Guinea, they
say ;

But he's very like to be sold,

Poor Mr. Simpson thinks he'll get his Groceries at the Civil Service Stokes, and
carry them Home himself. Behold him with a Ham under his Arm, and his Pockets I Who in New Guinea "rushes" away
full of Sausages !—And Hydrophobia on the Incbease I | His realised Old Guinea gold.

elder brother, and who had been fraternally saluted as " little one." Alf turned away petulantly. He did not meet his brother's eye
In many respects these brothers were as like as two Peeze could be. as he answered, huskily,

But in the countenance of the younger, Alf Pinto, there was a
mixture of greenness, and downiness, which was entirely absent from
that of the elder. The greenness was in his eye, the downiness on his
upper lip. The constant use of a stick, as a support, gave to his
whole bearing an air of feebleness ; but the use of a stick was also a
tradition in the Peeze line, and was a tribute to his Order.
Strangers unacquainted with the family would always look upon a
member of any one of its branches as " stuck up." Bat this notion
would be soon dissipated on closer intimacy, and would be entirely
dispelled at any great gathering .of the Peeze family, in the early
summer at Longuepodde.

" What's up, little one ? " asked the elder brother, noticing the
younger's despondent and sombre air.

"What's up?" repeated Alf, almost peevishly; "rather ask
what's down," he replied, stroking his incipient moustache.

Pinto looked grave. _ " Little one," he said, " What's the row ? "
for he knew that the line of Peeze had, before now, got into occa-
sional rows.

"Row!" exclaimed Alf, "there's none yet, but there will be.
Pinto," he said, in a low, broken, despairing voice, " I'm ruined,
utterly, irretrievably ruined ! "

Pinto paused for a moment, then he shut the door, and sat down.

" The Regiment can wait an hour or so, as it's only the Royal
Grotto Day, when Her Majesty goes in State to open the First Oyster
and Terminer. Her Good Gracious can't begin without me," he said,
as he folded his gibus helmet, shook off his heavy shako, and sat in his
bearskin. " Now, little one, tell me everything. Let me hear the
worst," he added kindly, yet sadly; " for even if the honour of the
fair name of Peeze be at stake, let me know, at least, if you have
indeed come to the ' peeze-aller.' " And, as he said this, he pointed

Yes, Pinto, I will tell you all. Listen ! "

End of Chapter I. {To be continued.)

HYDE PARK ECHOES.

{Overheard, about the Reformers' Tree, on the afternoon of Sunday,
February 24, 1878.)

What is the source of all this twopenny " Terror" ?

Error !

The purpose of such shindies low and shameless ?

Aimless !

What would he fain be at, each self-styled " patriot" ?

A t riot!

Whatsis the real hope of blatant Bradlaugh ?

Had law !

At whom does England laugh, when he'd alarm it ?

Armit !

Who are the dolts who raise such windy brabble ?

Rabble !

And what the rival " leaders of the Masses " ?

Asses ! ! !

" Rara Avis in Terris."

At the last Army Medical Examination there were only nineteen
candidates for forty-two vacancies !

Hip I hip! Hurrah! Mr. Hardy and his War-Office advisers
, may congratulate'themselves. If they haven't produced a flourishing
to the family motto, in old Norman-French, emblazoned on the I breed of Army-Surgeons, they have done more. They have brought
paper and on the painted ceiling, " Remember, little one, we are of j to light that long-sought, and till now fabulously-regarded, creature
the old Pois carres ! " the Phoenix—in the shape not of the fowl familiar to us on the plate

Alf shot a sidelong glance at the ancient ancestral bearings.
They were Nine Thimbles Argent on a field green, and in front of

of a famous Fire Insurance Office, but of that hitherto undiscovered
desideratum, one under-stocked branch of an overstocked profession,

each group of Three Thimbles was one petit pois, and on a scroll j viz., Military Surgery. This is a triumph for " the system," if not
above were the words, " Sous lequel de se trouve-t-il le petit pois ? " the inventors of it, and perhaps the finest example on the long War-
while below was the motto, " Peeze allay, May Jouay, Poy Office list of successful answers to the great official problem, " How
Carrayf" I nof to do it."