Punch (74.1878)

A PROFESSIONAL OPINION.

Young Squire (to old Huntsman). " "Well, Ben, what do you think about "War ?"

Ben, " Well, Sir, I ceount to think the Emperor of Russia h.A6 more Country than he can hunt properly, ano hk

ouuht not to BB allowed an inch more ! "

is something', for no step is ever lost. The Bill has one character-
istic in common with many good measures—it does not seem to
satisfy anybody.

Perhaps the Doctors are like the soldier at the triangles—"flog
high, flog low, there is no satisfying them."

Punch has only one hope and one prayer—that between the
medical Btools the patient may not come to the ground. And if the
worst that can be said of the Medical Bill is that it might be better,
probably the laity may safely open their mouths, shut their eyes,
and take what the Medical Council sends them.

The Duke of Somerset, given to lines of his own, usually
sagacious, but sometimes ungracious, called attention to the quality
of Whitworth plates, and Whitworth shells, as tested in recent
trials. It seems Sir Joseph has been " pegging away" with his usual
tenacity, till he has produced a form of steel as tough as him-
self. He has made plates that will keep out any shells but his own;
and he has made shells that will smash any plates, even his own.
Lord Bury assures us that the Gunnery Committee, whose heads
are as hard, and whose penetration is as piercing, as Sir Joseph's
own projectiles, is looking carefully into the matter. The only ques-
tion is cost. "Whitworth steel comes expensive . . .and "who breaks"
shells, or plates, or laws, human [or divine, as we know, " pays."

(Commons.)—Lord Henry Thynne delivered the Royal answer
to the Commons' Address with much neatness. The Treasurer is a
treasure. Like the Jolly Young Waterman:—

" He dressed so neat, and he stepped so steadily !
He bowed so low, and got back so readily !
That from gangway to chair all were heard to declare,
This Treasurer rare filled his place to a hair."

The Government means to fortify Esquimault in Vancouver's
Island as a harbour of refuge for all our Naval strength, ships and
stores, in the North Pacific, with coal handy besides. It would be
a thousand shames, in the unwelcome event of "War, to find priva-
teers, or men-o'-war of other flags playing the devil with our
commerce, or laughing our cruisers to scorn in those waters ; all the
more as in the North Pacific we are three times as far from our
naval base as Prussia.

In Committee on Customs and Inland Revenue, much talk about
Tobacco and Dogs and Income-tax, but nothing done, beyond ex-
empting foxhound puppies up to twelvemonths instead of six, that
particular class of puppies, as Sir Robert Peel pointed out, requiring
education,—in which point, as Punch would respectfully remind
Sir Robert, they resemble other puppies, the real peculiarity of the
foxhound puppy being not that he requires, but that he profits by
education. There was another exemption granted of dogs em-
ployed to lead blind beggars. As if we were not all blind beggars—
thoughjwe are not all lucky enough to have dogs to lead us.

Sir A. Lusk distinguished himself by one of those happy adapta-
tions of a popular poet, in which he has won a reputation all his own.
Puppy or grown-up, high-bred or mongrel, spaniel or Skye, fox-
terrier or bull-dog, poor man's "whippet" or rich man's hound,
sagaciously observed Sir Andrew—"A dog's a dog for a' that."

Shakspeare had said the same thing before Sir Andrew ; but
it was for our genial ex-Lord Mayor to give this new turn to Burns,
the author of the " Twa Bogs," who loving dogs as he loved all
liviDg things, no doubt smiled benignly down on Sir Andrew, and
blessed him.

A strong effort was made by Mr. Ritchie, but without effect, to
get some discrimination of duty on cigars over common leaf. But
is it a duty to encourage the British weed instead of the Flor de
Cabana ? Punch protests against the rank counterfeit. Let those
who can't afford Havannahs be content with plain shag, bird's-eye,
or returns. They will find it cheaper, wholesomer, better, in every
way. Take one form of tobacco, for instance, short cut—if Mem-
bers of Parliament would put that in their pipes, and smoke it!

Tuesday [Lords).—Lord Salisbury—on behalf of Austria—pulled
Lord Debby over the coals for an alleged insinuation that the Austrian
Army could not be trusted to fight the Russians, Slav against Slav.
If Lord Derby had said so—which seems more than doubtful,
though Lord Derby did not put himself to the trouble of denying it
—it was an opinion of his own, not a Foreign Office Oracle. What
Lord Derby really said, and meant to say, was that Austria was an
untrustworthy ally. Everybody that ever trusted her has found
her so. Since Shakspeare's Faulconbridge bade Austria "Doff the