Punch (74.1878)

May 4, 1878.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 197

PUTTING TOO MUCH IN HIS PIPE.

" The Estafette attributes Prince Bismarck's late attack of ' shingles' to
neuralgia aggravated by excessive smoking."

he Chancellor is in fact so
saturated with nicotine,
that in Russia "Bis-
marck has come to mean
" hacker." But at least
let us hope that the Chan-
cellor's later excesses have
been in smoking the pipe
of peace, and that his prac-
tice on that pipe won't end
in smoke.

Theft of Time.

i Offenders in as well as
oat of Parliament may
well be alarmed by the
following notification
touching

"Indictable Offences.
—The Attorney-General,
on the re-assembling of Par-
liament, will introduce a Bill
for esiablishing a code of in-
dictable offences, and Mr. Par-
nell has given notice of his
intention ' to oppose Mr. At-
torney-General's mo-
tion.' "

Is it, then, understood
that Mr. Attorney-Gene-
ral's Bill, if passed, will constitute Obstruction to the despatch
of business in the Souse of Commons an indictable offence ?

CHARITY UNDER THE EOSE.

Merry Mr. Punch,

Very likely there are some few persons accustomed to "do
good bystealth," and, should their bounty be made public, " blush
to had it fame." But a philosopher can imagine another motive
than modesty for concealment in the following—

"Anonymous Munificence.—At the annual meeting of the subscribers
to the "Wolverhampton Orphan Asylum, held yesterday, the .Chairman,
Mr. W. H. Rogers, announced that a year since the last Easter meeting a
sum of £4000 had been given to the institution, with a request that the name
of the donor should not be made known. He also stated that, during the
present year, the same donor had sent another £ 1000, in a similar manner,
leaving him to do what he liked with the sum for the benefit of the institution."

Don't I wish I could afford to send four or five thousand pounds
to an Asylum for Orphans ! Suppose I did so, as I possibly might,
in the hope of being rewarded for it hereafter, I should most cer-
tainly take the greatest possible care to keep my donation dark. My
relations, because their own ideas are peculiar, consider me, as it is,
what they call odd; and if I, rolling in wealth, were to practise
munificence at such a rate and purpose as the abovementioned, I
have no doubt that they would endeavour to impugn my sanity and
get me declared a lunatic incapable, of managing my own affairs.
Munificence limited to a guinea a year, I fancy, has seldom any
objection to be named in a subscription-list; but when it amounts
to several thousand pounds, the reason why it is anonymous I take
to be, in most cases, the very cogent one I have suggested—the fear
of Colney-Hatch.

I am afraid, indeed, that the majority of persons capable of
lavishing their property on an Asylum, are qualified for being placed
in one. Few are the happy mortals who can afford to present a
Charity with thousands of pounds as easily as a man in moderate
circumstances can to give a penny to a crossing-sweeper.

But say that I, not being insane, but compos mentis, knowing
what I was about, and fit to be at large, nevertheless sank in a
charitable donation a large amount of capital as an investment in
futurity. There would be yet another reason why my munificence
would be strictly anonymous. If it were not, its publicity would
gain me credit for opulence, and the consequence would be a con-
stant influx of begging letters. For that reason, Sir, as well as
the other, depend upon it you would never hear any trumpet sounded
before the benefactions of a munificent Smeletjngds

■^•T-I fee* Detter after having written the above. I experience
a relief like the favourable effect of a dose of calomel.

BRITANNIA YINDEX !

OE, "SAVE HER FROM HER FRIENDS."

The self-appointed Committee, organised for the purpose of sup-
porting Oreat Britain in her new and nobly undertaken task of
"vindicating, single-handed, the struggling aspirations of nation-
alities and reconstructing the ideal bases of European stability,"
met again yesterday.

After some delay, occasioned by the announcement that the Trea-
surer had again absconded with all the funds of the Society, the
report was read, and the business of the meeting proceeded with as
usual. The first speaker was :—

M. Jtjles Blagaed, of Paris (philosopher and journalist). M. B.
said he was profoundly moved as he contemplated the latest attitude
assumed by the once perfidious Albion. There could be no question
about it but that the cold and calculating heart of John Bull was
stirred at last. Though that great but slow-witted enthusiast
pretended that some paltry interests affecting the future of his
Empire were at stake in the Bosphorus, everyone knew what
was the real motive which inspired his heroic attitude. (Cheers.)
That motive was summed up in two words, the regeneration of
France. Yes, it was in order Ithat France, having recovered
what the sportmans called her "second wind" — France, ever
young, Titanic, and supremely confident, might spring upon her
wrested provinces, and tear them with irresistible elan from the
grip of the Teutonic barbarian, that the proud fleets of England
now defied the fortresses of the Dardanelles, and might to-morrow
surprise even the Euphrates. It did not require a knowledge of
Eastern politics or of Eastern geography to cut the knot of ques-
tions such as these. (Laughter.) The fool could see. The idiot
could comprehend. Therefore, it was glorious, this assertion of
principles in the face of torpedoes, and demanded the moral, if not
the physical, support of all those who saw iu the universal conflagra-
tion of Europe the opportunity for themselves. (Prolonged cheers.)
Yes, Frenchmen had but one duty at the present moment, and that
was to encourage the awakened John Bull with his own national
" oorah " to that struggle, from which France, beatified and tran-
scendant, will emerge with her pockets filled and her future secured.
(Cheers.)

A Magyar, who refused to give his*name, was the next speaker.
He said he had not listened to what had f allen from his friend from
Paris, and he did not suppose that anybody else had, either.
(Laughter.) But he was a plain-spoken man himself, and was glad
to put in a few words the obvious duty of England in the present
state of the political horizon. It was to give Hungary her pro-
gramme. That might involve a long and bloody war between the
great Powers. (Cheers.) Russia was to be wiped out. (Laughter.)
Turkey was to be restored. (Immense laughter.) They might
laugh, but it was: while Germany and France were to anni-
hilate each other. ("Hear, hear!") As for England, if she
would but commence the row, she might go to the bottom of
the Pted Sea, or anywhere else, to look after her own paltry
interests, for all he cared. (Cheers.) And, lastly, Austria would
be reorganised, with Germans and Slavs in their proper position
of inferiority, leaving the Magyar, the true type of comiag civili-
sation, triumphing over Eastern Europe in his national boots and
principles, ready for the next thing that turned up. (" Oh, oh ! ")

M. Philomachos Megalostomos (ofcThermopyice) then rose. He
said he thought the meeting appeared to be losing sight of the
one object which had inspired their organisation. (Loud Cheers.)
He was a Hellene of the Hellenes, and he had no hesitation in saying
that that one object was the restoration of the political, social, and
artistic supremacy of the Hellenic race, and the establishing of the
new Byzantine Empire, from the Adriatic to the Caspian. (" Oh,
oh!" and laughter.) He begged to embody that object in a reso-
lution which he would now put to the meeting.

Patjpar Pasha, a Turkish Gentleman, here rose, and was under-
stood to second the above ; but on his offering further explanations
in bad French, by the aid of an interpreter, it transpired that he
merely wished to tender his services for the vacant Treasurership.

This having been instantly negatived without a division,

MM. Pockethof and Hankeypankeyschee, two representatives
of a Russian Nihilist Committee, simultaneously volunteered them-
selves for the post. This offer gave rise to an animated discussion,
which was cut short by the appearance of a couple of policemen with
a Magistrate's warrant, amidst a good deal of laughter and some
confusion.

The Russian delegates having been removed, the Hon. Jingo
Bellows moved the adjournment of the meeting. This having been
agreed to: and it having been intimated that at the next reunion the
advisability of further establishing the prestige of the country by
defying the Scandinavian powers, and submitting grounds for war
with the United States, would be taken into consideration, and a vote
of want of confidence in the Chairman having been unanimously
passed, the proceedings terminated.