Punch (74.1878)

Mat 11, 1878.]

PUNCH, OB THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

207

" DELAYS ARE DANGEROUS."

Young Housekeeper. " i'm afraid those Soles i bought of you yevterday

weee not ERESff. My HtTSBlND SAID they 'were not nice AT ALL !"

Brighton Fisherman. " Well, Marm, that be your Fault—it bean't
mine. i 'vk offered 'em yer every day this week, and you might a'
'ad 'em o' Monday if you'd a loiked !"

"BORNE ON THE BOLTS OF JOVE."

"Yesterday's thunder," we read in the letter of a
Correspondent of the Times (under date of May 2),
" brought us four pair of glossy swifts, strong on the
wing." How kind of Jupiter to order out his thunder-
ing team for these fast little visitors !

The Correspondent goes on, " This morning they
breakfasted on the Ephemerae sailing in the sunshine
on Muswell Hill."

Riding the thunder to-day, and breakfasting on
Ephemeree to-morrow! What an existence ! From the
sublime to the short-lived — if not the ridiculous.

At all events, it is a verification of Horace—

" Diespiter

.......per purum tonantes

Egit equos volucremque currum."

Jove's coach may, indeed, .be called henceforth the
"Swift Chariot."

By a Jingo.

{On reading tie Report of Mr. Gladstone's remarks upon
English Cookery.)

Gr-r-r ! the old traitor! It's disgusting quite,
E'en at his country's cookery he lets loose !

No wonder he has lost all appetite,

Except for humble-pie served d la Russe !

Humbug! ' Tis but a burst of baffled spite,
Because we have cooked Gortschakoff his goose.

Punch's Price Current.

Steel sharpening, and Iron—Northern and South-
Eastern qualities—lively.

Gold asked after. Russians in the market.

Gunpowder quiet, but expected to go off.

Lead (last bulletin) likely to be wanted.

Fish and other Torpedoes quiet, but brisk busiaess
anticipated.

Iron armour-plates (British) looked after.

Steam Coals short, and would be taken in any quantity.

German Steel doubtful.

Russian Tarns not much in demand; but Russian
Rope taken very freely in Roumelia.

Cookery at the Royal Academy.—Making the pot boil.

GETTING ON SWIMMINGLY.

Mr. Punch has great pleasure in giving insertion to this letter
from one of the most active propagators of a most useful movement—
which enables people to do what so many nowadays find it hard
to do—keep their heads above water :—

To the Editor of" Punch:'
Dear Sir,— "Whilst already numerous cases of accidental drowning, as
well as wholesale drownings, are reported in the daily papers, permit me to
point out to parents -who are about sending their children to school that it
would he well if they would inquire if Swimming is included in the list of
attainments, and, if not, whether it is possible to have it added in addition to
other outdoor amusements. Wherever there is a bath close at hand, the attend-
ants or Swimming Master would be glad to instruct batches of boys or girls at
a very low charge; and where there are large numbers, possibly the bath
proprietors would put them on the same footing as to charges liberally
accorded to the Board Schools. No one who knows anything of swimming
can help noticing how easily the small fry are taught to swim; and the
effect produced upon a school by one or two expert swimmers—how they
fire their comrades with a desire to excel in this really healthy exercise.
Should parent* fail to see into this matter, a great deal of the responsibility
of accidental drowning will lie at their door. Let those who like to see their
children acquire manly habits, accompany the youngsters to some open piece
of water or bath, and watch them overcome difficulties, and at the same time
sow the seeds of robust and healthy frames. It is a great pity that the
movement set on foot by Messrs. Heep, Strutton, Holmes, and Sir
Charles Reed and Currie, by which the Board School children were per-
mitted to bathe in Victoria Park lake every Saturday morning from 10 to
12 a.m. should languish for want of a very little pecuniary support. How
well i remember the thousands of boys who attended under the care of their
teachers; how the timid ones gradually lost all fear, and ventured into deep
water; how their appreciation of the boon was shown by the speedy style in
which they stripped, and the difficulty in getting them out of the water.
But for this opportunity, it is not probable that more than one or two out of
each hundred would ever have a chance of immersing their whole bodies, let
alone attempting to swim. Reading of the loss of the Ghildwall Sail, I could
not help being struck with the fact of Mrs. L'Estrange swimming about for

nearly two hours, and finally being enabled to save her husband's life as well
as her own, whilst others of the male sex were drowned without being able to
help themselves. Let me add here, that although a man may lose the ability
to practise many athletic feats, he will never forget how to swim; and that
in an emergency a knowledge of the art will produce the coolness and nerve
that is so necessary to save life. At the outset of our swimming propaganda
our expert swimmers were scarcely a sergeant's guard, whereas now they
are a legion. The Lords and Commons' Race (for which we have to thank
Sir J. D. Astley, Bart,, M,P.) has produced quite a furore for long-distance
swimming ; so much so, that I fear the epidemic will result in an Amateurs'
Channel Swim. _

To our " Country Cousins " let me cite the example of Nottingham. Whilst
on a provincial tour we induced the spirited Manager of the Sneinton Baths
to organise a band of honorary instructors to teach the Industrial and "Work-
houee children of that town, and it is on record that at a parochial Board
Meeting it was thought necessary to put a skid on the wheel of this march of
progress, in consequence of so many children being sent into "the House" in
the hopes of their being taught to swim ! To incite Professionals, let me say
that this Manager is now getting upwards of £200 per annum by teaching
Swimming.

"What would aid us very much, is the erection of a number of private
plunge-baths, like the "Holloway Baths," in busy neighbourhoods where
there are long gardens which offer facilities for building at a small outlay, and
scarcely any ground-rent.

In conclusion, let me say that we are having a bath built for us at this
address, where we shall be able to recommence our gratuitous tuition as
well as adding new appliances ; but in the meantime we shall have pleasure
in advising heads of Scholastic Institutions, or any one who is desirous of
learning to swim or furthering this movement.

Apologising for this unusually long letter, and thanking you for the assist-
ance rendered in giving publicity tc our letters duing the past ten years,
I beg to remain, dear Sir, yours most obediently,

The Hon. Sec. London Swimming Club,

" Central Baths " {corner of Wilderness Bow), J. Garratt Elliot.
April 29th, 1878.

The Flower of the " Jingo " Party.—The Canterbury Bell(e).