Punch (74.1878)

May 1 1, 1873.]

PUNCH, OK THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

215

PHILOLOGICAL.

First English Groom (new to Paris). " And the French Gent as he drives

round the corner, he pulls up quick, and calls out ' WoA !'"

Second Ditto (who has been in Paris some time). " He couldn't have said

' JFOA/' as there ain't no ' w in french."

First Ditto. "No 'W in French? Then 'ow d'yer spell 'Wee'?"

The blow-out was so powerful, that its effect was to carry him on for nearly
three days several miles seaward.

He floated, with the stream, down the river, to the sea. The people saw him
and thought it was a buoy; they had no idea it was a man, least of all Strap-
more.

He found himself alone, on an island of sand and shell, with one vast hamper
of champagne. Then he drank deep. The skies reeled round him, in whirling
circles* of light: shooting-stars took steady aim at him, but missed him; waves
of hoarse sound deadened his ears, and he sank down, among the sea-weed,
murmuring to himself the last cry of the sorrowing old Pagan,

" Ozone/ Ozone ."'

Then his limbs were shaken by a voiceless agony, and the irrevocable Past
came over his spirit, confusing the awful Present and the unknowable Future,
and in his great anguish he clutched at the leaping waves around, and tried
to cover himself with them, under the impression they were his bed-clothes,
while he murmured to himself,

" Pommery—tres sec—very wet night—ozone—Regula-Baddun." And so,

broken, blinded, voiceless, senseless, he sank on the grey yielding sands, alone,

in the silence of the night.

*******

A Sister of one of the Religious Orders, that are not admitted after seven, was
walking along the strand by the sea-shore.
The African sun was hot at noon.

She stopped before a heap of clean, worn-out, wet clothes.
" They have been washed ashore," she said to herself, sadly.
Then she looked for the initials, to see to whom they belonged.
She uttered a great cry.

" B. de S." BuKLYN de StRAPMORE.

And this was all; all that remained of her Strapmore. Only these wretched
old habits, that he had thrown away and done with for ever!

An old man, with a venerable beard, and wearing many hats to protect him
from the rays of the African sun, examined the suit, wept over them, shook
his head, blessed her, and passed on his way.

She gathered them up, dug a hole with a little wooden spade, buried them in
the sand, stuck a bit of slate up, on which she wrote,—

STRAPMORE,

no more.

Then the reverently took off her bonnet. After that
she never recovered.

* * * *

L'Envoi.

Lord and Lady Mazagon are rich, prosperous, and
happy. They have never less than eight Bishops to
dine with them, and Archdeacons come in to tea. Some-
times Lord Mazagon observes to his wife as they drive
past the Arch of Marble, "Poor Pinto ! what a fool he
was! " and Miladi, who never differs from him, admits
the justice of the observation. .The Do-Do set up a
large millinery establishment, and rapidly acquired a
fortune under Lady Mazagon's patronage. The busi-
ness has recently been extended to perfumery and
"articles de looks." Tipiti Witcheeta, the Gipsy,
occasionally visits England, when she is accompanied
by Joe and Pantaleone.

Lord Nuffinmobe. on his wife's disappearance, took
to asking himself riddles, and shutting himself up with
repartees. Ultimately he was shelved by the Govern-
ment, and in this condition he was found some years

afterwards. He was subsequently buried and forgotten.
*****

The Fauns and the Nymphs play in the reeds. Years
go by, and the old Gods Jingo and Jimini, are not yet
dead. The Satyrs are sought by artists as sitters: they
blow on their pipes, and the mad world dances : and
as I, sitting by the fountain, write these last words,
and am thinking what has become of the Lady Regula,
and why dinner which was ordered for seven o'clock
should not yet have been announced when it is fully a
quarter to eight, the booming sound of the distant gong,
and the appearance of the dark-robed and white-tied
Butler in the costume of a Minister of the Evening
Dinner Service, bid me put down my stylus, bid me wish
farewell to my Itti Dueea, and my Pinto Peeze, my
Mazagons, my Regula, and my Strapmore, 'and tell
me that the moral in finishing a Romance, is the moral
of the Dinner hour,

"Better Late than Never."

SANDIE'S LAST.

The Treaty of San Stefano appears to have aroused
the energetic opposition of a class of Turks who might
have been expected to offer but an inert resistance.
According to the Constantinople Correspondent of the
Manchester Guardian :—

" The Lazie population at Batoum protest against annexation
by Eussia, and a deputation is said to be on its way to Constan-
tinople to offer to raise, if necessary, an amount of money equal
to their share of the indemnity represented by the cession of
Batoum. Twenty thousand Lazies are said to be mustered near
Batoum, ready to dispute the entry of the Russians."

The spirit animating the Mussulmans against the
Muscovite encroachment must be very strong, since it
has aroused even the Lazie population, and urged so
many of the very Lazies to muster for active service.

Between the Lot.

(By a Perplexed would-be Patriot, after reading the conflicting
extra-Parliamentary utterances during the Easter Recess.)

Recrimination is vexation,

Self-praise is just as bad;
Cross and John B. quite puzzle me,

And Jingo drives me mad!

The Warning cf the Sibyl.

Anagram—(A rag man=.4 Scarecrow.)
J BlSMARK". jgnatief. AnDEASST.

j Salisbury. Beaconsfield. Gortchakoff.
Spells—

Say Back I Match ignites! Eire kills !—
Die !—bury afar off !—sobs and groans !

"The Charge oe the Light Brigade" (according
to Mr. Bright).—One-and-sixpence a day.