Punch (74.1878)

Mat 18, 1878.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHAEIVARL

22L

forward voice (which is that ?—the Liberal ?) to speak well of his
friend (W. E. G.?); his backward voice (the Tory?) to utter foul
speeches and to detract." Evidently the function of the Tory voice just
now. But we are not to have this new sensation. After the two have
taken their one seat, the next business of the House will be to say
which has a right to it; and then, like Stefano, to pull its monster
44 by the lesser legs " out of the seat, and so perform the operation
which nobody adventured in the case of the Siamese Twins, and
sever the united pair—at the cost of the Parliamentary life of the
one who has no right to a place in the Collective Wisdom.

Then to Committee of Supply, in which Messrs. Pabnell, Biggab,
and Macdonald came out as Joseph Humes of the period, in de-
nunciation of the monstrous waste of cheeseparings and candle-
ends. If only the trio would be as 'economical of the public time
as they profess themselves careful of the public money !

A very lively little 44 mill" between the home and foreign-
made cigar. Mr. Ritchie, bottle-holder for the British article, would
weight the foreigner with two pence a pound extra duty, declaring
thatSir Stafford Nobthcote's proposal will be the death of the
British Havannah. We should not much care for that, if the
German Havannah were any better. But as it isn't, we cannot
but wish that tbe British manufacturer were granted the two pence
which Mr. Ritchie says (and proved to an empty House by elaborate
figures), will be his salvation. But Sir Staffobd maintains his
scale of duties. He says his new arrangement will promote 44 healthy
competition." Does the competition between British and German-
made Havannahs deserve to be called healthy ? Is it not rather a
competition of abominations ?

Of course Sir Staffobd carried his Motion, by 184 to 82, but
Mr. Ritchie made out his case for all that.

Then the House fought over Mr. Dillwyn's proposal to adjourn
the Debate. The Budget will have to be recast, said hard-headed and
hard-mouthed Sir Geobge Campbell. There will be the cost of
transporting the Indian troops to Malta to provide for—a million
and a half, at least, and not an inch of margin between revenue and
expenditure. Is the House to have no opportunity of talking that
over ?

Sir Staffobd Nobthcote said the House would have ample op-
portunity when the Supplementary Estimate was brought in. But
he had to give way after a Division, and the Third Reading of the
Budget Bill was postponed till Monday, when Mr. Fawcett, in the
name of the British Lion, proposes to have it out with Government
about bringing the Bengal Tiger into European waters. And Sir H.
James will ask an awkward question on the same ugly subject.

Friday. — The House and the Jewish community have lost
a valuable Member in Sir F. Goldsmid, a victim to Railway
Directors' shameful neglect of obvious precautions for the safety
of passengers, and.to the supineness of their accomplices in Parliament.
Now a very valuable life has been sacrificed, Colonel Yolland is
making inquiries, and the Government will consider if nothing can
be done. Query: will the killing of a Jewish Baronet have the
same startling effect as Sidney Smith anticipated from burning a
Bishop ?

Mr. James called attention to the Parochial Charities of London.
But will attention come, Mr. James, when you do call for it ?

Mr. Cross is looking into this precious sink of iniquity, jobbery,
and malversation. There is some hope in that. The Cross at the
door was the old City sign of plague in the house, and a warning,
41 bring out your dead." Unfortunately, though the plague of
vested interests in ancient wrongs is still raging, in the City and
elsewhere, the abuses are not dead, but all alive oh I and the diffi-
culty is in getting live abuses carted off. They used sometimes, it
is said, to bury live plague-patients by mistake. It is hard to get
that mistake made with living abuses.

Mr. Gbegoby talked of Stock Exchange frauds and rascalities.
Ah, if he will invent a Gregory's Mixture that will cleanse the
City's bosom of that perilous stuff. General chorus to the air of
44 Fools and Their Money."

A Tory Utopia.

On the 9th instant, being the fiftieth anniversary of the repeal of
the Test and Corporation Acts, a deputation of Dissenters, grateful
for that vindication of religious liberty, waited on Earl Russell at
Richmond to present him with an address of thanks and congratu-
lation. This being reported in "the next day's news, occasioned old
Mr. Mildew to exclaim—

44 The Test and Corporation Acts were bulwarks of the British
Constitution, Sir. Their repeal was the first step to the subversion
of the Monarchy. It was a fatal mistake, Sir. But the country
might yet be saved. What I say is this. Re-enact the Test and
Corporation Acts, unreform Parliament, repeal the Roman Catholic
Emancipation Act, and restore Temple Bar ! "

Motto foe Keble College.—Not fast men but fasting.

COCKNEYS AND COMMONS.

-^•^essr. he Commons all over with bloom
r-'J Are blazing, resplendent as

gold;

Out in blossom the gorse and the
broom—
What a glory and joy to behold!

From their flowers, when the
Zephyr is still,
And the sun in the firmament
glows,

His hot rays an aroma distil,
Which regalement affords to the
nose.

As thou Grossest from Hammer-
smith's shore
By the Causeway suspended in
air,

See the holiday folk trooping
o'er

Posies emerald and golden that
bear.

They have been to Barnes Common, and thence
^ Broom and furze torn with fingers profane,
Upon Sundays, when multitudes dense
By the railways descend from Cockaigne.

Putney Heath and Ham Common as well,
And all Commons that London surround,

Those despoilers invading pell-mell
Very shortly will bare to the ground.

For our Commons we've fought with the few,

Their enclosure who compassed for gain.
To be spoiled by the popular crew,

Have we rescued their beauties in vain ?

FOOD FOR FOREIGNERS.

A demonstbation of good old-fashioned British abhorrence of the
ways of foreigners occurred the other day in the quarter where they
most do congregate. On Saturday last week a shop for the sale of
horse, donkey, and mule flesh, as in France, Belgium, and Italy,
was opened in Castle Street, Leicester Square. Of course

" The event created an unusual amount of excitement in the neighbour-
hood, and demonstrations of aversion continued throughout the day on the
part of a rough mob. So much was this the case, that half-a-dozen police-
constables were engaged in keeping the roadway clear for the ordinary traffic,
and in preventing an anticipated disturbance."

This outburst of popular displeasure meant something more than
the mere intolerance, on the part of the roughs, of tastes different
from their own, and the disposition to interfere with other people,
which they Bhare with anti-smokers and teetotal fanatics. It sig-
nified, also, that peculiar detestation of outlandish food which
animated our forefathers, but has been latterly supposed dying out.
This sentiment would probably have been much intensified if, be-
sides flesh which the British Public deems unclean, there had been
exposed on sale the additional abominations of snails and frogs ;
Whilst the superaddition of a few of the esculent fungi they call
toadstools would have driven them frantic. To eat of the flesh of
mules and donkeys, at all events, may well have been considered by
that crowd as an act of cannibalism.

A Reserve Force (in Medicine).

Quinine.—Former wholesale price, ten shillings an ounce ; present
wholesale price, sixteen shillings an ounce, and rising with the
Warometer. Practical Result: Hospital and Club patients forced to
go without it, and put up with inferior bitters in its stead.

Lucus a non Lucendo.

(A Strong Case.)

Lobd Beaconsfield, at the Royal Academy Dinner, with the
pictures of the year all round him, lauding the Imagination shown
by English Artists.

Backing the Fbench Lot.—Champ de Mars against the Field
of ditto.