Punch (77.1879)

2S

PUNCH, OE THE LONDON CHAEIVAEI.

[July 26, 1879.

Messrs. Holmes, Mundella, O'Morgan, and'Chamberlain, gave
their reasons against the Cat; Sir Or. Bowyer and Mr. Macartney
theirs for upholding it; Sir R. Peel thought the Government conces-
sions sufficient; Messrs. Biggar_ and O'Connor Power crowed
excusably over the sudden conversion to their views of the Leader of
Opposition. And then the Debate passed into the rest of the post-
poned Clauses, but with occasional inroads of the Cat.

It is evident that the animal is in his flurry. His last struggle
is approaching. Between Irish obstruction, a Government in the last
Session, and an Opposition on its preferment, what chance is there for
the doomed animal! Another year ought to see the end of him.
When it comes, JRequiescat in pace !

Wednesday.—The Bankruptcy Bill—the one hope of the Session,
after the Army Discipline Bill—talked out by Mr. Parnell. What
chance has it of again getting its head above water ? It is such a
half-and-half measure that Punch doubts if it is much worth
praying for.

It may be a step in the right direction. They say it is. But it is
such a little, timorous, sneaking, half-hearted, half-and-half step!
The Bill speaks with such a doubtful sound against the rogueries
and rascalities of insolvency as now practised, that Punch is not at
all sure it might not be better to leave the matter entirely to the
hands of a less flaccid and moribund Parliament.

Thursday (Lords).—Lord Hijntly objects to the railways carrying
American meat and corn cheaper than English. If they do, they
have, doubtless, good carrier's reasons for it. Does Lord Huntly
insist on all goods being placed in the market at equal cost of car-
riage ? How would the English farmers like that ?

(Commons.)—Mr. Lowther made a bungling attempt to reconcile
Lord Emly's statements of proposals that had passed between
Roman-Catholic magnates and Government bigwigs ^with Lord
Beaconsfield's categorical denial. "No proposal had ever been
made to the Irish Roman-Catholic Bishops by the Irish Executive.
No doubt official communications had taken place between members
of the Irish Government in their individual capacity, and persons
of different religions and politics."

john Bull may be a flat, but he is not flat enough to think Lord
Beaconsfield likely to leave himself without a bolt-hole.

On Report of Army Discipline Bill, Lord Hartington did his
volte-face over the Cat, and was defeated on Division by 289 to 183.

The Cat is a nasty beast; and the less we see of his claws on
soldiers' and sailors' backs the better. Henceforward, it is to be
hoped, we shall see so little, that even if the Cat survive, it will be
more for terror than for torture. Punch does not like to see the
tail of the Opposition wagging its head in this way.

The next thing we are likely to hear of the obnoxious animal
will be its solemn interment—not with military honours.

In the meantime, if it be true that you cannot keep the worst
blackguards in order without the Cat, suppose we set ourselves
seriously to get rid of the blackguards, and of the necessary Cat
with them.

HOW WE DEBATE NOW—LEGISLATION IN

EXCELSIS.

Scene—Not Billingsgate.

Irreproachable and Imperial Government. Well, and what are
you staring at now f

Responsible and Dignified Opposition. What am I staring at P
What are you going to do with that there Bill ?

Irreproachable and Imperial Government. What am I going to do
with this here Bill ? Pass it,—that's what I'm going to do with it.

Responsible and Dignified Opposition. Oh, you 're going to pass it,
are you ?

Irreproachable and Imperial Government (doggedly). Yes, I'm
going to pass it.

Responsible and Dignified Opposition (with irony). Oh, are you?
With the Cat, I suppose ?

Irreproachable and Imperial Government. Yes, ivith the Cat.
But what's the Cat to you 1 should like to know.

Responsible and Dignified Opposition. Oh, the Cat ain't nothing
to me ! Oh, no, nothing all, of course ! But, you 're after keeping
the Cat-

Irreproachable and Imperial Government. Who said I was a-going
to keep the Cat ?

Responsible and Dignified Opposition. Who said you was a-going
to keep the Cat? Oh, you said nothing about it. Of course you
didn't! We all know that, don't we ?

Irreproachable and Imperial Government. You seem to know
a deal—you do !

Responsible and Dignified Opposition. Oh, do we ? Well, deal or
no deal, leastways we knows that.

Irreproachable and Imperial Government. Oh, you do, do you ?
You know all about the Cat ?

Responsible and Dignified Opposition. Yes, we do know all about
the Cat.

Irreproachable and Imperial Government. Oh, do you ? Well,
I'm going to drop the Cat—there! What do you say to that f

Responsible and Dignified Opposition. What do I say to that ?
Well, you 're a nice 'un, you are !

Irreproachable and Imperial Government. And you 're another!

Responsible and Dignified Opposition. Call yourself a Govern-
ment ? Why, I'm ashamed of you!

Irreproachable and Imperial Governmerit. Shamed of yourself!
A respectable Opposition indeed—a precious lot you are!

Responsible and Dignified Opposition. A precious lot ? And what
are you f Why, you We a low, grabbing, time-serving-

Irreproachable and Imperial Government (taking up a brickbat).
Would you ? Yah!—get out with you!

[And so the Rill is passed.

OUR CLIMBING CONTRIBUTOR.

(Letter continued. Roy arrived post haste at the Office, left the en-
closed, gave a receipt for sixpence to the Clerk, who paid him on
his own responsibility, and left hurriedlyi)

On the 17th instant I went up the Hippopotamus Head. I took a

friend, with a telescope,
who went with me as far
as the ladder would
reach, and who saw me
do it.

The sketch represents
the friend, with umbrella
and telescope, below, and
myself above in a perilous
position—nothing when
you're used to it, as I am
— swinging myself by
a light rope attached to
my javelin Alpine pole.
The " Javelin Alpine
Stock," round the corner,
is an invention of my
own. It is made like an
arrow, only of course
about six feet long and
of the stoutest wood.
This I throw upwards
with sure aim, when the
javelin point, sharp as a
needle, and trempe in a
certain sort of acid, which
"bites " on to the hardest
substance, sticks into the
rock, which, thencefor-
ward, affords^ firm foun-
dation and a certain
, . footing. Then over a
^(~J^l/liHAT& ^^fjcyui dM't-h small pulley, fixed into
coyi£) chUAd ivifLL^ a hole in the Alpine

stock, I run the string,
one end of which I still
retain in my hand, and
Ascent of the Hippopotamus Head, gradually hauls up

{Sketch, with Artist's Signature.) the inch-rope by which I

make my ascent, keeping
one foot at a time always planted on some projecting crag, so as to
steady myself while swinging from point to point. N.B.—Travellers
bound for a Climbing Continental Trip, should at once invest in
these stocks. List of the market prices sent on application to the
Office on receipt of four stamps.

The flag-staff at the summit shows where I ultimately inscribed
my name—the first—and took possession of the Hippopotamus Head
in the name of Old England.

The next morning we started at early dawn from a Moist Sugar
Estate, belonging to a wealthy friend of .mine, and mustered a party
of six.

One white, myself; one brown, my friend; and four native ser-
vants, as black as your go-to-meeting hat on Sundays. The four
niggers scarcely count, as two blacks don't make one white, nor
four either.

We had provided a rope two thousand feet long, thread, javelin-
men carrying our alpenstocks, brass band, drum, and cymbals—but
of course these do not count as climbers, though I managed to get
the man with the big drum up some considerable height, because I