Punch (77.1879)

48 PUNCH, OE THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [August 2, 1879.

"IN FOR IT."

Innocent Tourist. "No Fish to be caught in Loch Fine now? And

how do totj support yourself ? "

Native. "Whiles she carries Parcels, and whiles she raws People in
ta poat, and whiles a shentleman 'ull give her a saxpence or a
Shillin' !"

PROPOSED INSCRIPTION FOR A PROPOSED
MONUMENT.
{Found Mowing about Dean's Yard.)

In (tfttnttotg of

PRINCE EUGENE LOUIS NAPOLEON,

Son of the Hero of Sedan,
Grand-Nephew of the Hero of Moscow,
And Pretender to the Throne of France,
Brave, amiable, and accomplished,
Who made many friends,
And unfortunately lost his life
In a very doubtful quarrel
Which in no way concerned him,
This Monument is erected
By a small section of the British people,
To exhibit to the world
Their slight respect
For the national feeling of France,
And their great regard
For the cause of Imperialism.

A Correction.

Referring to Mr. Terriss last week we said that Mr.
Hare had found a Para Avis in Terns ; but it is not,
we are informed, Mr. Hare, but " S. Bancroft, Esq. "
—by whose kind permission Miss Roselle appears in
Drink every night—who has secured the young Actor's
services for a part in Les Bourgeois de Pontarcy. Pont
Arcy, literally translated, evidently means the Pons
Asinorum, or "Asses' Bridge." It is a Dramatic Pro-
blem, and Mr. Albert is said to have been "manfully
grappling " with the French original for some consider-
able time past. Bravo, Mr. J. Albert ! Grapple away,
till you get over the pons, and reach the O.E.D., " by
the kind permission of Count Bankroff, Esquire."

shakspeare on the cat.

" Hang off, thou cat, thou burr ! vile thing, let loose,
Or I will shake thee from me like a serpent! "

Midsummer Night's Dream. Act iii. s.

The Road to Fortune {for Middlemen only).—The
Milky Way!

busied himself in packing his portmanteau. He looked through
the window : the evening was calm and fair.

" We shall have a good passage, after all," he murmured, cheer-
fully, " how fortunate I can wake at will."

He was interrupted by Big Ben booming out the hour. He listened

almost mechanically to the sound. He was calm at first, but as the

last stroke broke upon his ears, he threw up his arms, uttered a wild

shriek, and fell heavily on the fioor voiceless, motionless, senseless!

The Sergeant-at-Arms had missed the night-mail.

Big Ben had struck Nine !

******

The Deputy-Assistant-Sergeant entering the apartment was
horror-struck to find his venerable superior still stretched sense-
less on the floor. He rushed to the insensible official's assistance.

" How now, Captain—what ails you ? "

" I am a dishonoured man. I have missed the night-mail. The
Speaker's strongly expressed commands have been disobeyed," wailed
the grey-haired officer, in a heart-broken voice.

" Say not so," replied his Deputy-Assistant, raising him tenderly
in his arms. "I bring a message from the Speaker. On second
thoughts he thinks it useless for you to brave the horrors of the
Channel. He believes that the man who should be our prisoner in
yonder tower is more likely to listen to the words of his Doctor than
to yours. And yonder, persuasion would be your only weapon.
Sergeant, you need not go."

" Then my honour is saved ! " and with a cry of thankful joy the
ancient warrior raised his shaking hands towards the vaulted
ceiling. '' But what is the hour ? "

"1 came to you a Quarter after Seven."

" Nay. It may not be. By 'r Lady, I tell thee, I heard Big Ben
strike Nine as I fainted," said the Sergeant.

Ere his Deputy-Assistant could reply, the Palace Clock once more
boomed forth the hour.

This time Big Ben struck—Fourteen !

"Fourteen ! " exclaimed the Sergeant, " and my watch even now

only points to Eight! Then my sleep was not unduly protracted.
What means this mystery P "

" It means," replied his Deputy-Assistant, angrily shaking his fist
in the direction of the tower, '' that, spite of my warning, the pri-
soner in the Clock-tower has been allowed to tamper with the
mechanism of Big Ben. To save London from the horrors of a total
derangement of its hours, I must see that he is allowed to play the
fool no longer ! "

So saying, he strode fiercely from the chamber.

******

The struggle in the tower must have been long and desperate; but

no eye was there to mark its hideous incidents, its awful issue.

******

All through that autumn and the following November it was a
matter of remark among the citizens that Big Ben was wild even to
eccentricity in his measurement of time. Sir E. B. Denison, Q.C.,
as he plied his business about the Committee-rooms, was observed to
glance often towards the dial-plate, and to shake his head gloomily
from time to time. Did he suspect ? Did he, with that penetration for
which clock-work had no mystery, divine that, crushed among those
colossal fly-wheels, torn by those tremendous racks, whirled on those
gigantic pinions, slowly revolved, with hideous face set close to face,
two mangled corses — corses that had stiffened and withered to
skeletons—one in the squalid prison-garb of the Commons' cell, the
other in the rich but sombre uniform of an Officer of the House,

death-grappled in each other's arms !

* * * * * *

Dog and Cat.—Old Officers tell us " the Services are going to the
Dogs." Can this be the reason they are getting rid of the Cats ?

Wisdom Teeth.—The Tusks sent in by Cetewato to confirm his
desire for peace.

£Sf To (Joeiikspoxdents. — The Editor does not hold himself bound to acknowledge, return, or pay for Contributions. In no case can these be returned unless accompanied by a

stamped and directed envelope. Copies should be kept.