Punch (77.1879)

A SEASONED VESSEL.

The Squire {engaging new Sutler). "Well, I dare say you'll no ; but look here, Richards, I may as well warn you that

I often get out of temper with my servants, and when I do, I let 'em have it hot—make use of devilish strong lan-
guage, you know."

New Butler {with quiet dignity). " i have been accustomed to that, Sib, from my Lord the Bishop!"

ST. STEPHEN'S-SUPER-MARE.

Scene—A Bathing-Machine.
Benjamin and Stafford discovered stripping for a plunge.

Staffy. Oh, Ben ! This is better than "Westminster !
Ben. Yes.
Staffy. Pheugh! Isn't it lovely at last to undress ?
Ben. Ah, Staffy, that stuffy old chamber had tried

E'en your mildest of tempers.
Staffy {pomposo). I own it with pride.

I see it's no use. I must give it 'em hot.

I did put my foot down at last, did I not ?
Ben {drily). Like an elephant.

Staffy {huffily)._ _ Humph ! you're so deucedly chaffy.

The Times complimented me.
Ben. Never mind, Staffy.

Leave zealots to mumble each dry party bone,

Let us go in a plunger for ease and ozone.
Staffy. Oh yes, like a bird, Ben. This sniff of the briny

Is stunningly scrumptious, golumptious, divine!
Ben {musingly). He

Is getting quite slangy with rapture !
Staffy {recklessly). I know it.

I don't care a puff for propriety. Blow it!

I'm in for a dip, and a deep one. Oh, jimminy !

None of your half-and-half, niminy-piminy,

Duffing hip-bath, and that sort of business for me!

No flopping and floundering fiddlededee!

A regular souse, eh, my Benjamin ?
Ben {catching the contagion). Rather I

nj _ P,u11 away, Mr. Bathing-Man, take us out farther,
Staffy. Oh yes, Mr. P. Go on! Ever so far !! 1

We like to be out of our depth.

Mr. Punch {significantly). Right you are !

But don't go it too risky, young fellows.
Staffy {confidently). No fear !

We are used to deep waters.
Ben {meditatively). And troubled ones.

Staffy. Hear!

But a lively cool plunge through this brine-scented foam

Is lumps better than constant hot-water at home.

So out you pull, Punchy, my pippin !
Mr. Punch. No doubt!

But take care that I don't have to pull you two out

In another sense, Staffy.
Staffy. Oh stuff! We can swim.

I'm a regular porpoise myself. As for him !

Why Boyton himself isn't in it with Ben

At keeping his head above water.
Mr. Punch {with much solemnity). "Young men,

The brine's inebriety-

Staffy {impetuously). Oh, shut up that!

Ben, haven't you got a smart epigram pat

To bottle this blessed old buffer up sharp ?
Ben. Hem! Please to remember, friend P., that your carp

Is not a sea-fish!
Mr. Punch {tolerantly). That joke's fishy, my lad.
Staffy. Get out! An impromptu as isn't half bad.

No lessons in holiday time, if you please.

Take us out now, and don't be a jolly old tease!
Mr. Punch. Well don't cross your tease, as you call him, so often,

And—well, at this season e'en Mentor must soften.
Staffy. Tormentor, you mean.

Mr. Punch. Oh, refrain, reckless wag!

Staffy. You've nagged me enough, now whip up t'other nag.

Take us out, take us out! I am mad to be in.
Ben. And I do like deep water.

Staffy. He's fish, all but fin,